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These 10 Excuses You Make Are Really Fears In Disguise

These 10 Excuses You Make Are Really Fears In Disguise

When we’re scared to do something, we find ways to make sure we cannot do it. We beat around the bush, hide behind false sentiments and come up with reasons that it simply cannot be done.

In the real world, excuses only achieve one thing – nothing.

Your business wont grow, your relationships wont flourish and you’ll never get anything done. It’s time to face your excuses, confront the belief’s behind them – and take back your life.

Here’s 10 excuses and what to do about them:

1. “I don’t have time”

Making this excuse shows you’re scared to leave your comfort zone. It’s easy to hide behind the concept of time, because there is always something you can do with your time to look and feel busy.

The truth?

You do. You always have time. The time you spend watching TV, checking Facebook, Twitter and Instagram posts could be spent doing something far more productive. My grandmother raised 6 children whilst working 4 jobs and never once missed making dinner – if she can do it, so can you.

The only way you’re ever going to achieve something is if you make time.

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2. “I’m not smart enough”

Making this excuse shows you’re scared you’re not good enough to do it. That, you’re going to fail. Or that you’ll get caught out because you don’t know enough.

Hiding behind your intelligence does more harm than good. It’s a sure-fire way to ruin your self confidence and self esteem.

In order to learn, you need to fail, make mistakes and screw it all up from time to time. It’s going to happen at some point, so you should embrace it as part of the process.

You’re good enough to do whatever you set your mind to.

3. “I’ll do it, but I really need to do this first”

If you’re making this excuse you’re scared to death of taking the first step. You’re aware it’s a priority but you don’t want to take the first plunge in to the unknown yet.

Inaction is the sure-fire way to mediocrity and unhappiness. You’ll never regret a first step you took, but you’ll always regret the ones you didn’t.

Don’t do this to yourself. Make a to-do list, put it at the top – and don’t give up until it’s done. Even if it means closing your eyes and taking a run at it.

4. “I’m just waiting for the right time”

Is your success so based in science, that it needs to be done at 11:22am on a Tuesday Morning in the middle of July? I doubt it.

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There is no such thing as a right time. It’s a myth, a legend and a bedtime story.

You were not born at the right time in your parents life, and your child will not be born at the most opportune moment in yours. But still, however many years later – you’re doing OK.

So, why should what you want be any different?

Don’t wait for the right time. The right time is now.

5. “There’s too much going on right now”

Has there ever been a time in your life where you haven’t had something going on? Where everything was chilled out, relaxed and you just coasted through the day? That hasn’t happened since you were in Elementary School.

This excuse shows you’re scared to prioritize your needs over the needs of others. That the expectations of others have become more important than your health, success and happiness.

You’ll find that in your day, there is a lot of time wasted on menial tasks and general busywork for other people, that could be spent doing what you need to do. Put yourself first for a moment, and take a hold of your life.

6.“But, I need to pay the bills”

You’re scared to be independent. To be in total control of your finances and completely self reliant.

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Your bills will still be paid if you take the plunge. When starting though, what may suffer, is the money you have to spend on luxuries and treating yourself. And for most people making this excuse that is what you don’t want to suffer.

The question you have to ask yourself is, “Do I wan’t to spend on myself, more than I want to be successful?”.

In the words of Nassim Taleb, “The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary”. Don’t get addicted.

7. “I would do it, but I don’t think my partner (or kids) will be okay with it”

This excuse is a clear fear of putting yourself first. That you’re compelled to put the needs of your family before your own, in case they look poorly upon your decisions.

Be aelfish. Your family are there to support you, as much as you are to support them. And if what you wan’t doesn’t come at a detriment to their well-being, be selfish and put yourself first. They’ll be more accepting of what you’re doing than you’d think.

8. “I haven’t had the right opportunity yet”

This excuse is akin to not having enough time. Opportunities are like buses – there’s one every twenty minutes.

If an opportunity comes your way, take it. It will never be perfect or come in a beacon of light, sealed by the gods. It’ll present itself in an awkward fashion and show up at the worst possible time.

And, when you can’t find any opportunities at all – make one. You can’t let your future lie purely on elements you have no control over.

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9. “I don’t know the right people.”

When people say, ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’ – they’re usually scared of their abilities to get things done. Your network is a valuable resource that takes you to places far beyond your reach. But don’t use it as an excuse to not do anything.

Take the initiative to find the right people, and get to knew them. There are no shortage of networking books out there (Personal Recommendation: Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferazzi’) – so go out and find the right people.

Forge a network that will benefit you. Go out and talk to them, because they won’t come looking for you.

10. “I’m not ready yet”

You will never be ready. All the preparation and planning in the world goes out the window as soon as you put everything in motion.

Not being ready is an excuse shrouded in the fear of taking action.

The best way to defeat your fears? Take action.

Stop trying to be ready to do things, and start doing them anyway.

Featured photo credit: William Marlow via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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