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Why Some Couples Fall Out Of Love

Why Some Couples Fall Out Of Love

Finding the love of your life is no small feat. Discovering a person who has similar beliefs, compatible qualities, and enough intrigue about them to keep the union interesting can be likened to winning powerball. It’s a long shot.

When you do find your person, it’s nothing short of fantastic. You guys like the same things, you finish each other’s sentences, and neither of you can imagine life without the other. These are good times indeed, but as any couple who has been together for a number of years, it’s inevitable that these blissful moments fade. But, it doesn’t have to fade to black.

Here are eight reasons why couples fall out of love, and thoughtful ways to avoid the predicament!

1. Couples forget what they love about the other person, so remind yourself!

Take a few minutes each day, or when you remember, to think on what you admire about your mate. Remember how those favorable qualities make you feel. Perhaps his kindness to others makes you proud to be with him, or her generosity makes you feel special.

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Choose to dwell on their good traits and discover how your view of them becomes more pleasant. When you see your lover as a good, kind, and generous person the more you believe you struck the relationship lottery. (No one wants to give-up a winning ticket!)

2. They don’t remember the good times, so keep it in plain sight!

Have pictures of when you first met around your home to remind you of the history you share. Store pictures of your partner, including your family, on your phone to prompt you to be thankful for your blessings. Also, if it’s not too far-fetched for you to believe and think of these pictures as possessing the “happy” energy of those times when they were taken, and to let it continue to positively affect your mood today.

3. Some take their partners for granted, so be thoughtful.

Do unexpected and kind things for your loved one. No matter how long you’ve been with a person, it is still the little things that blows them away. Show up with soup when she’s sick. Give him a back rub without being asked and watch their eyes light up. These small gestures of kindness convey how much they are cherished.

4. Couples forget the importance of romance, so instead put it in focus!

You may see each other daily, but that is not the same as seeing your lover in a romantic setting. The setting doesn’t need to be elaborate, but a few things need to be present for it to count as romantic.

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Lest you forget, this is not a post on how to stay friends – it’s about how to avoid falling out of love! (The grass ain’t gonna water itself!)

First, the energy you send out during these specific times has to be one of romance. You have to have the ‘I want you’ and ‘I desire you’ vibes flowing. Next, there has to be touching. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, or more. Lastly, there has to be reciprocal acts of adoration and appreciation. If you want to stay in love, you got to act in-love.

5. People get caught up in the chaos of life, so find a way to laugh together.

Couples who laugh together are having a better time. (It’s not rocket science.)

When the person you’re with is who you share more happy and funny times with – that isn’t easily forgettable or replaceable. Tough times affect all couples, but when a couple can find a way to laugh at the craziness of life, you have something special – it’s called resilience.

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6. Couples fail to remember they’re on a team, so show unity.

One thing we hope for when committing to a relationship is the feeling that we don’t have to face life’s challenges alone anymore. The proverb of ‘”shared sorrow is half the sorrow and shared joy is twice the joy’” is the promise we expect fulfilled when pledging ourselves to another human being.

As we exchange our love, we in effect are saying, “I got you.” So keep your love strong by showing your partner how they are not alone. Be steadfast. Never stop demonstrating how you will be there to care, support, and protect each other.

7. Some always want to be right, so once in a while give in.

Sometimes the best resolution to an argument is to let it go and let the other person have their way. Being magnanimous supports your loving relationship more than being right. It’s not the answer to all disagreements, but on occasion it’s the right move.

Think about this, if the person you love the most is hurting – who really wins from being right?

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8. People forget, so keep love on the brain.

We need to hear the words “I love you” and see the loving actions that go along with it to be healthy and happy human beings. Many things happen throughout our day that can cause us to forget how lucky we are and so we need to be reminded that love is all around us. If we can show each other more love by saying it and doing it, then why would we ever leave each other?

One sure-fire way to avoid falling out of love is to keep love in the forefront. Let it be your mindset — filling your daily thoughts and actions. The more that love is on your mind, the more you will see it in your partner and coincidentally, in the world around you.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Hawk via flickr.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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