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8 Things You Need to Do Before Starting Your Next Relationship

8 Things You Need to Do Before Starting Your Next Relationship

Relationships are a tricky business. If the goals, motivations, and expectations of both people involved don’t mesh well together, the whole affair is doomed to go down in flames. As easy as it is to shrug it off and blame it on the other person, there are certain things everyone needs to accomplish in their own life before they can be a good partner. If you want your next relationship to be better than your last one, tick off the eight items on this list before checking out another dating website.

1. Become Who You Want to Be

Step one is to ask yourself if you are the person you wanted to be growing up. What attitudes do you admire in other people? What are your personal weaknesses? Make a list if you have to of all the personality traits you would like to have and get to work cultivating them. Practice makes perfect.

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2. Create an Amazing Life

If you aren’t excited about the life you are living why would anyone else want to be a part of it? Do things that make you happy and get you excited for each new day. Find things to look forward to and share them with the people around you. If your life looks like enough fun, odds are you won’t need to go looking for love. It will beat a path to your door.

3. Find Your Passion

Part of creating an amazing life is finding at least one thing you can be really passionate about. Maybe you love exploring the outdoors. Maybe it is art that really gets you excited. Whatever it is, identify it and make it as big a part of your life as you can.

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4. Leave the Past in the Past

Everyone has had things happen to them that they would rather forget, but not everyone has baggage. Memories only become baggage if you dwell on them and refuse to move on. Learn to let go of the people who are no longer in your life and forget the ones who let you down. Move on and set your sights on the horizon.

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    5. Get Organized

    When you feel like you are in control of your life you will be more confident and more attractive. Organize everything. Clean your house. Clean your car. Trim down your Facebook friends list. No one wants to be in a relationship with a panicky scatterbrain and odds are if you are one you have a hard time relaxing. Get it together, man.

    6. Take Care of Yourself

    Do everything in your power to maximize your personal energy. Fill your life with things that make you happy and enthusiastic. Maybe running makes you feel great. Maybe it’s lifting weights. Maybe it’s going for a walk before work. Just do something to make yourself feel healthy and happy.

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    7. Learn to Accept Other People

    One of the toughest things you learn in life is that other people don’t exist to satisfy your expectations of them. Accept other people for who they are and learn to embrace their flaws. A good relationship is one where both people can feel comfortable and at home. Judging people is a great way to get them headed for the door.

    8. Love Life

    Dwight Eisenhower once said “Pessimism never won a war” and the same applies to life. With all the negativity that already exists in the world (ex. missile strikes, bombings, celebrity gossip columns, etc.) no one in your life needs to hear about the things you think suck. Focus on the positive. Find things about the world you love. Only when you are happy about the life you have can you successfully try to expand it.

    Featured photo credit: Jong Soo(Peter) Lee via flickr.com

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    Last Updated on July 16, 2019

    7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

    7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

    Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

    When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

    Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

    Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

    1. Become Grateful for Everything

    When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

    People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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    When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

    We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

    2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

    Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

    Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

    Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

    If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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    3. Help Others

    Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

    Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

    Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

    4. Change Your Thinking

    We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

    The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

    Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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    5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

    We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

    As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

    Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

    6. Get into Action

    Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

    Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

    Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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    7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

    You are responsible for your thoughts.

    People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

    Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

    Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

    “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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    Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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