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8 Things To Remember When You Want To Praise Your Children

8 Things To Remember When You Want To Praise Your Children

Are you praising your child too much? Is there a risk that he or she might become a narcissist? According to some studies, this is what happens when parents tend to go overboard with their praise. Parents may think that they are building the child’s self-esteem but that is not borne out by the studies. But the right kind of praise can be powerful for motivating kids. Here are 8 things to keep in mind when you want to praise your kids so that they grow up with a healthy self-esteem.

“People with high self-esteem think they’re as good as others, whereas narcissists think they’re better than others.”- Brad Bushman (co-author of the above study).

1. Avoid general blanket statements of praise.

Telling your kid that she is a clever girl or that he has done a great job is risky. You need to be more specific. Focus on the effort she put into it. Your kid’s team may not have won the match but you were really impressed with the effort he put in. He played well and that was also because he practised a lot. It is better to say, “Your practice paid off because I saw you hitting that ball really hard.” This is much better than making a rather weak, “Pity your team lost.” This is focusing on the negative outcome and not making any reference to all the hard work and sweat.

2. Make sure the praise is sincere.

It was a difficult job and the kid did well so that deserves praise. If you praise the child for every little mundane task, then this is counterproductive and may not sound sincere. The danger here is that the child may not risk trying new challenges because she may fail and she may lose her champion status! There is another problem in that the child must always get the parent’s approval and this is very limiting.

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3. Don’t offer cash incentives.

Money may be a motivator but if the child grows up thinking that life is like the stock exchange, we are missing out on instilling values such as gains in self-esteem following success. Also, this could become expensive if cash is the only reward for doing well! A much better idea is to celebrate with a treat, outing or a special meal because you are also sharing in the success. It is the hard work and persistence we want to reward, rather than making easy cash.

4. Don’t overdo the child’s talents.

Praising a child’s good looks, intelligence or artistic ability on a regular basis is really overdoing it. If the child always hears “You’re a born musician”, then he or she assumes that not much effort is needed to improve. The child may also tune it out because it has been repeated too often. It becomes meaningless.

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5. Praise must be geared towards new objectives.

The aim of praise is to encourage and motivate towards achieving new goals and milestones. One of the best ways of doing this is to mark steps in progress. You can say, “You’ve really improved in Math since last semester. You should be proud of that.” You can then remind your kid of the next hurdle which may be another test or exam.

6. Stop showing off about your child.

If your child hears you bragging about his or her achievements (Isn’t Maria the best speller you’ve ever seen?”), it puts unnecessary pressure on your kid to be always the best, always at the top of the class. That can be negative and also creates an over competitive environment among children. Inevitably, they will sometimes fail or do less well and that may have a negative effect on their motivation. In addition, the child is lulled into a false sense of security which defeats the learning benefits of praise.

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7. Use body language when appropriate.

Often, verbal praise may be inappropriate and may interrupt some activities. Giving kids a thumbs up while they are picking up is much better because you are not going to interrupt the job. When a child is concentrating on her reading and being really absorbed, you can pat her on the back or give her a gentle hug.

8. Don’t use sarcasm.

If you use sarcastic remarks which are supposed to be praise, they are pretty useless. First, the child does not understand sarcasm and may also resent the fact that you are harping on about his or her previous failings or unsuccessful efforts. Instead of saying, “Finally, you have learned to swim without the arm bands,” you should say “I bet you can’t wait to show your friends that you can now swim.” Always concentrate on the achievement and celebrate it with an appropriate remark. This is much better than reminding them of their past errors or failures.

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As we have seen, making praise constructive is the key. Keep focusing on the effort and commitment your kids show. They will grow up much more independent and resourceful and also have a healthy self-esteem.

Featured photo credit: Nate swimming/Mike Young via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

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