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8 Overrated Things You’ve Given Too Much Importance To In Life

8 Overrated Things You’ve Given Too Much Importance To In Life

In life, you often get caught up and too involved with a lot of overrated things. So much so that you forget the really priceless and valuable things that life has to offer: your loved ones, the time you spend bonding with the people who matter to you, gratitude, simple celebrations, a picnic in a park, a lazy run, and a warm hug from an equally warm person, amongst others.

Sadly, instead of focusing on what truly matters, you focus on these following eight overrated things that aren’t really worth all your time, energy and efforts. Take note of these eight things and stop giving them so much of your attention.

1. Growing up

You make such a big deal of growing up that you actually forget to hone your maturity level. Instead of developing your relationships with people and making more meaningful connections, you’re too involved in your teenage angst to pay attention to anyone else but yourself. As an example, when I had my 18th birthday party, I didn’t really bother with the invitations. I wanted a Japanese-themed party so I made sure to have all the stuff, all the things and all the food complete – without realizing that the guest list wasn’t done.

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2. Weddings

You’re more in love with the idea of getting married than the idea of spending forever with your significant other. Nowadays, it seems like weddings are competitions. Who gets married first? Who gets married in the most expensive location? Whose wedding gown was made by an international designer? Who should cater? How much should the budget for the flowers be? Because we’re too busy minding the superficial elements, we forget that marriage is supposed to be a celebration of love; not a competition of wealth.

At the end of the day, without all the frivolities, being married to your partner is supposed to last forever.

3. Vacations

You get caught up in where you are going for your trips, when in fact you should be more concerned about who you’re going with. Where to go for a trip is on our list of eight overrated things because essentially, when you really stop and think about it, it doesn’t matter if you’re going to great places if you’re all alone. It’s better to just do a staycation, and take a vacation in your local tourist spots as long as you’re with your family and friends.

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What good is an amazing view if you’re all by yourself?

4. Job-related concerns

Instead of staying up late at night to bond with the people who matter to you, you stay up late in order to finish a project before its deadline, impress your boss and hopefully get that promotion that you’ve been eyeing. “I’m only doing this for my family. I’m working hard so that they can have a better life,” you might say. True, you need to make a living for your daily expenses. But have you ever thought that your family may appreciate your presence more than the actual presents that you give them?

Sam Walton, with a net worth of $65 billion and founder of Walmart, said, “I blew it!” on his death bed. Remember: no one on their death bed wished that they had spent more time in their office. Instead, they wished that they had spent more time with their family and friends.

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5. College and the pressure of getting a degree

You’re all self-absorbed with complicated-sounding titles. We want the PhD, the MBA, the RN, the MAN and all of those fancy names. But, my friend, college isn’t about how long your title is, or how many years you studied. It’s all about self-development, progress and self-discovery. Getting a degree won’t ensure that your life is already set up for you. It’s to ensure that you’re well on your way to discovering who you are and what you’re passionate about.

6. Being right

The majority of the arguments all over the world stem from our desire to be right. Naturally, being right is acceptable when it’s dealing with public safety. However, the same logic doesn’t work when applied to minuscule things. Is arguing about “who wore it better,” or “who sang the better version,” or “which businessman is richer” really worth it?

Being right at the cost of a relationship is hardly worth it.

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7. Finishing first

This is applicable whenever we encounter contests. Why is it that we only reward those who finish first, instead of giving rewards to people who participated in the endeavor? Finishing first isn’t always important. As they say, “Even if you finished first in the rat race, remember, you’re still a rat.”

8. Luxury items

Expensive handbags and branded shoes are overrated items that aren’t worth your efforts! There are nonbranded items that also have really great quality. Don’t be defined by the bag you hold, the shoes you walk in and the clothes you wear. Instead, be defined by your friendly personality, positive outlook in life and kindness. Luxury items may run out of style, but being gracious and confident of yourself is a classic, timeless trait.

Featured photo credit: elbowsonbus.jpg/puravida via mrg.bz

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Lianne Martha Maiquez Laroya

Lianne is a licensed financial advisor, Registered Financial Planner, entrepreneur and book author.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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