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7 Reasons Why Real Life Romances Are Nothing Like Disney Movies

7 Reasons Why Real Life Romances Are Nothing Like Disney Movies

As a little girl I dreamed about my Prince Charming. He was strong and handsome and would protect me from everything bad in the world. We would live in a castle in a forest where the birds sang and butterflies followed us wherever we went.

Many girls dream of their Prince Charming. Unfortunately, he only exists in Disney movies and books. If you’re not careful, once grown you can fall victim of the fantasy character and sabotage a great relationship and your own happiness by chasing an imaginary prince.

Here are seven reasons why real life romances are nothing like Disney movies.

1. Your suitor will not save you from an angry pack of wolves before his 21st birthday.

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    Image via Flickr by Amaz

    Beast rescues Belle from a pack of wolves and then takes her back to his castle where she is held prisoner until they fall in love and live happily ever after.

    If he is wealthy, unemployed, and under 21, like Beast, you can forget about him saving you from a pack of wolves, unless you and the wolves are a part of a video game and he receives extra lives for saving you.

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    2. A successful romance is not built on lies.

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      Image via Flickr by Hector Vargas

      Aladdin and Jasmine both have issues with telling the truth. If Jasmine isn’t pretending to be a street rat, then Aladdin is pretending to be a rich suitor. Once they find out the other is lying, they fall in love and live happily ever after.

      Successful relationships never begin on lies. A good relationship is based on honesty. When both people are honest about who they are, they create a solid foundation for a real-life relationship that will last.

      3. You should not have to strive for perfection to be loved.

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        Image via Flickr by Loren Javler

        Ariel lusts after Prince Eric and he is so superficial he only wants a perfect girl. Ariel makes a deal to give up her voice if she can have legs to be the perfect girl and live happily ever after with Prince Eric.

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        If Prince Eric cannot love Ariel when she is a mermaid, then he is not worth the time or effort. No one should ever have to change something about themselves to be loved. Happy relationships are not built on lust and perfection.

        4. You should never fall in love with someone who steals from you.

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          Image via Flickr by Brett Jordan

          In Tangled, Flynn is a bad boy and good girls are attracted to bad boys. Their sly smiles and charisma puts butterflies in our stomachs. If we love them enough, they will change for us, right?

          Face it: Flynn is conceited and steals your stuff! He may be tempting but he will strip you of your “self” and the happiness you deserve. Good girls who fall for bad boys end up with broken hearts.

          5. Wanna-be gods will not give up power for you.

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            Image via Flickr by Joe Andy Mendoza

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            Hercules gives up his powers to be with Meg, even though she lied to him. Does this sound like any guy you know?

            Most guys I know would prefer the god status. Never-ending power and girls galore, or give it all up for one girl? If a guy is offered the chance to be with you or be a god, they should pick you but they are probably going to choose the god status every time!

            6. People living in the jungle do not look like Tarzan and Jane.

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              Image via Flickr by Loren Javler

              These two have been digging holes in the jungle to bury their waste. Do you really think they are going to be clean with perfect hair and clothes? Swinging on vines and hunting for food is dirty, sweaty work!

              Think of Survivor. Those people look like they smell bad. Some real life romances have come from the show and even they say kissing in the jungle with no toothpaste was pretty gross.

              7. If you are woken up by a stranger’s kiss, your first reaction would be to scream.

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                Image via Flickr by Keiichi Inoue

                In Sleeping Beauty, a handsome prince wakes Sleeping Beauty from her long slumber. When she opens her eyes, she is delighted to see the prince and falls in love.

                First of all, if you have been sleeping that long, your breath has got to be awful. No prince is going to want to kiss you. Secondly, if you are woken in that manner by someone you don’t know, your first reaction is probably going to be a little more violent than kissing them back.

                Disney movies and the romance they portray are great stories for creating a perfect world. They are a needed escape from an imperfect reality. It’s important to remember their purpose and not fall victim to believing these fairy tale romances can be created in real life.

                Reality will never be like a Disney movies. A perfect man is flawed and a happy relationship is one that grows from honesty and mutual respect. To fulfill your own happiness, watch Disney when you need to retreat to the fantasy world of princes and princesses, but remain grounded for a happy ever after.

                Featured photo credit: Cinderella and Prince Charming/Andy Sabis via flickr.com

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                Missy Yost

                Missy is a business owner and writes about everyday lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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                Last Updated on September 18, 2020

                How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

                How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

                Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

                For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

                But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

                It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

                And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

                The Importance of Saying No

                When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

                In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

                Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

                Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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                Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

                “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

                When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

                How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

                It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

                From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

                We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

                And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

                At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

                The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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                How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

                Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

                But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

                3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

                1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

                Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

                If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

                2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

                When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

                Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

                3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

                When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

                6 Ways to Start Saying No

                Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

                1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

                One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

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                Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

                2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

                Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

                Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

                3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

                Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

                Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

                You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

                4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

                Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

                Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

                5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

                When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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                How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

                  Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

                  Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

                  6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

                  If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

                  Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

                  Final Thoughts

                  Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

                  Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

                  Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

                  More Tips on How to Say No

                  Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

                  Reference

                  [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
                  [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
                  [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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