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5 Things Only Your First Love Can Teach You

5 Things Only Your First Love Can Teach You

As much as we’d like to believe romantic movies and television shows, real love is something wonderful, but complex. Moving from childlike romantic ideals to real life love is exciting and challenging. Your first love will open your eyes to adult relationships, plus show you a thing or two about loving yourself. Regardless of where the relationship ends up, your first love comes with some incredibly important life lessons.

Conflict can be healthy

No relationship will be smooth sailing from start to finish. No matter how much you care about someone, or how much you have in common, there will be times when you disagree. The difference with someone who truly loves you is that the focus will be on resolving the conflict, not winning a fight. When fights turn into discussions, which grow into heart-to-hearts, you know you’re handling confit in a productive way. Sacrifice, compromise, and communication will soon take the place of quarreling or arguing. There’s nothing like loving someone so much you’d rather lose an argument than see them upset.

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Your body issues aren’t really issues

All of us have hang-ups about our appearance, but being with your first love will make you view yourself in a different way. Experiencing love will make it clear that what you think is wrong with your body isn’t a big deal. In fact, significant others will often adore the qualities you think are flaws. Most importantly, your first love will teach you that perfection isn’t what is attractive, and people come in all sorts of stunning appearances. Your first love will surely teach you to see your body in a more positive way, regardless of the road your relationship takes.

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Selflessness is a virtue

If you’re like most of us, the biggest concerns in life are things that affect you. While a self-centered approach is often valuable in career and education endeavors, selfishness is a healthy relationship’s Kryptonite. Learning to share your time and space long-term will be absolutely crucial to a successful love life in the future. First loves challenge our selfishness.

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You’re too hard on yourself

Many of us hold what we think are high standards for ourselves, but they are in fact impossible standards. Having an outside perspective from someone who truly cares can help you see your flawed logic. Ultimately, if you would be soft on a friend in the same situation, there’s no need to be hard on yourself. If your relationship’s a healthy one, your first love will undoubtedly challenge this habit. 

Relationships need love too

Maintaining a relationship is much different than casually dating or starting a relationship. To truly care for someone else takes effort and longevity. Your first love will undoubtedly make you more thoughtful and active in sharing your affection. Unfortunately, sometimes love alone isn’t enough to maintain a relationship. As much as we wish they wouldn’t, exterior factors have a big impact on our relationships. Your first love is likely the first time you’ll meet these challenges, making it a true learning experience. Learning how to care for someone over time, and how to make the right decisions for your situation, is a critical lesson we take from our first love.

Featured photo credit: Untitled/bailey.foster via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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