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20 Amazing Moments Only People Who Have Been In Love Understand

20 Amazing Moments Only People Who Have Been In Love Understand

Being in love changes everything. Our whole perspective on life shifts into a new reality. Precious moments of insight and awareness reveal themselves in the most unexpected of places and leave marks you’ll always remember. Here are 20 of those often fleeting moments you’ll be familiar with if you’ve ever been in love.

1. When everyone else around you seems to vanish

You’re surrounded by people, perhaps on a dance floor or city street, yet to you they become nothing more than faint outlines. They are there but they are not there, unreal and irrelevant when face to face with the one you love.

2. When you realize an inhibition has been overcome

You never thought it was possible. You imagined you’d hide your weakness from people forever. Then suddenly, in a blink of an eye and without any resistance, you reveal yourself completely to your love, and it feels wonderful and natural.

3. When making them laugh makes you insanely happy

As their eyes shine and their lips curve around peals of laughter, an overwhelming feeling of joy fills your heart. It’s breathtaking and all you want to do is hold them and make them laugh forever.

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4. When their encouraging look fuels your courage

Doubt and uncertainty can fill even the strongest of minds. However, when the one you love looks you in the eyes with complete faith and confidence in your abilities, you feel invincible. You know they have your back.

5. When your chest heaves with longing to touch them

You’re at work or driving to the store. A turn of phrase or a song on the radio suddenly reminds you of them. Like being hit with a wave of emotion, your whole body aches for their touch.

6. When you see colors more brightly and hear music more vibrantly

Everything around you appears in dazzling color. Flowers shine with hues from an artist’s palate and the sky becomes an awesome blue. Music dances in the air, rippling happily across surfaces with an almost tangible energy.

7. When mutual silence is an orchestra of happiness

A friend sends you a text message. As you look at your phone you realize you’ve been reading or watching TV for nearly an hour. Your lover is in the same room and not a word has been uttered for all that time yet you’re both perfectly content.

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8. When you’d rather listen to their voice than anything else

They are telling you about their day or about a passion they have. You’re listening to their words but also to the melody of their voice. It’s the most beautiful sound you can remember hearing. You don’t want them to stop.

9. When you can’t put into words how you feel

As you make love and kiss into the night, you know words will never describe the feelings you possess for the one you love. Then you become aware it doesn’t matter because where your souls meet in the silent darkness, everything is understood.

10. When reality seems to transform itself as you embrace

You feel the frame of their body against yours, the warmth of their lips and the expression of their love. At that moment reality turns itself splendidly inside out and time ceases to be linear. Nothing else matters. Nothing else is real.

11. When you feel all your worries fade away

All day you’ve been stressed and worried. Your muscles are tense and sore. Nothing can distract your mind from the negativity. Until, that is, you touch the one you love. Like melting snow, everything feels right with the world once again.

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12. When you realize the relationship is the most important thing to you

Our careers can take over large parts of our lives and fill our day-to-day focus. They’re important but as you walk with your love one Sunday afternoon, you understand in a heartbeat there’s something much more valuable needing cultivation.

13. When poetry and art takes on new meanings

As you’re waiting for a meeting or an appointment, you notice a painting on the wall. It’s one you’ve seen before but now it seems completely different. It has meaning you didn’t previously notice and a richness of depth that reminds you of the love you feel.

14. When you feel freedom instead of confinement

You’ve been in each other’s company non-stop all week. With anyone else you’d be gasping for alone time or to engage with your friends. But you’re not. You feel an immense sense of freedom and liberty in their company, and this makes you so happy.

15. When you realize you have been changed forever

The room is dark and you listen to the gentle rise and fall of your lover’s breath. As you do so, you understand your life will never be the same again. The impact they have made on you will remain, whether you’re together forever or just for a summer.

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16. When the other person reveals something about you through their eyes

Music fills the air as you look into each other’s eyes. You see your reflection and the curvature of the room. But you also see something else. You see a jewel inside yourself you never saw before, until they revealed it with their loving gaze.

17. When you discover a fight has made you stronger

Shouting has echoed through the house. Tears are dried and soothing words replace harsh accusations. As your bodies entwine you realize the heat of this argument has cleared a broad path along which your relationship can move positively forwards.

18. When you realize solitude is when they’re far away

As you listen to your colleagues talking and laughing, you discover there’s a shroud of solitude surrounding you. It’s not a painful or sad isolation but rather a disconnection, cured only by the presence of the one you love.

19. When you believe you’d rather die with them than live without them

You’re watching a romantic movie. One of the main characters is killed or dies of an illness and leaves behind a grieving partner. The storyline makes you think of your own relationship and, if only for a brief moment, you genuinely believe you’d prefer to die with your lover than live without them.

20. When you feel your story will live on forever, somewhere

That moment when you’re sure the love you feel will outlive the both of you and exist somewhere, somehow, in some way. You think about it when you throw that pebble into the river or the sea, and know it’ll have your story etched upon it, forever.

Featured photo credit: Attractive young man carrying his pretty girlfriend and kissing. Mixed race couple in love outdoors in park. via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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