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20 Amazing Moments Only People Who Have Been In Love Understand

20 Amazing Moments Only People Who Have Been In Love Understand

Being in love changes everything. Our whole perspective on life shifts into a new reality. Precious moments of insight and awareness reveal themselves in the most unexpected of places and leave marks you’ll always remember. Here are 20 of those often fleeting moments you’ll be familiar with if you’ve ever been in love.

1. When everyone else around you seems to vanish

You’re surrounded by people, perhaps on a dance floor or city street, yet to you they become nothing more than faint outlines. They are there but they are not there, unreal and irrelevant when face to face with the one you love.

2. When you realize an inhibition has been overcome

You never thought it was possible. You imagined you’d hide your weakness from people forever. Then suddenly, in a blink of an eye and without any resistance, you reveal yourself completely to your love, and it feels wonderful and natural.

3. When making them laugh makes you insanely happy

As their eyes shine and their lips curve around peals of laughter, an overwhelming feeling of joy fills your heart. It’s breathtaking and all you want to do is hold them and make them laugh forever.

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4. When their encouraging look fuels your courage

Doubt and uncertainty can fill even the strongest of minds. However, when the one you love looks you in the eyes with complete faith and confidence in your abilities, you feel invincible. You know they have your back.

5. When your chest heaves with longing to touch them

You’re at work or driving to the store. A turn of phrase or a song on the radio suddenly reminds you of them. Like being hit with a wave of emotion, your whole body aches for their touch.

6. When you see colors more brightly and hear music more vibrantly

Everything around you appears in dazzling color. Flowers shine with hues from an artist’s palate and the sky becomes an awesome blue. Music dances in the air, rippling happily across surfaces with an almost tangible energy.

7. When mutual silence is an orchestra of happiness

A friend sends you a text message. As you look at your phone you realize you’ve been reading or watching TV for nearly an hour. Your lover is in the same room and not a word has been uttered for all that time yet you’re both perfectly content.

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8. When you’d rather listen to their voice than anything else

They are telling you about their day or about a passion they have. You’re listening to their words but also to the melody of their voice. It’s the most beautiful sound you can remember hearing. You don’t want them to stop.

9. When you can’t put into words how you feel

As you make love and kiss into the night, you know words will never describe the feelings you possess for the one you love. Then you become aware it doesn’t matter because where your souls meet in the silent darkness, everything is understood.

10. When reality seems to transform itself as you embrace

You feel the frame of their body against yours, the warmth of their lips and the expression of their love. At that moment reality turns itself splendidly inside out and time ceases to be linear. Nothing else matters. Nothing else is real.

11. When you feel all your worries fade away

All day you’ve been stressed and worried. Your muscles are tense and sore. Nothing can distract your mind from the negativity. Until, that is, you touch the one you love. Like melting snow, everything feels right with the world once again.

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12. When you realize the relationship is the most important thing to you

Our careers can take over large parts of our lives and fill our day-to-day focus. They’re important but as you walk with your love one Sunday afternoon, you understand in a heartbeat there’s something much more valuable needing cultivation.

13. When poetry and art takes on new meanings

As you’re waiting for a meeting or an appointment, you notice a painting on the wall. It’s one you’ve seen before but now it seems completely different. It has meaning you didn’t previously notice and a richness of depth that reminds you of the love you feel.

14. When you feel freedom instead of confinement

You’ve been in each other’s company non-stop all week. With anyone else you’d be gasping for alone time or to engage with your friends. But you’re not. You feel an immense sense of freedom and liberty in their company, and this makes you so happy.

15. When you realize you have been changed forever

The room is dark and you listen to the gentle rise and fall of your lover’s breath. As you do so, you understand your life will never be the same again. The impact they have made on you will remain, whether you’re together forever or just for a summer.

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16. When the other person reveals something about you through their eyes

Music fills the air as you look into each other’s eyes. You see your reflection and the curvature of the room. But you also see something else. You see a jewel inside yourself you never saw before, until they revealed it with their loving gaze.

17. When you discover a fight has made you stronger

Shouting has echoed through the house. Tears are dried and soothing words replace harsh accusations. As your bodies entwine you realize the heat of this argument has cleared a broad path along which your relationship can move positively forwards.

18. When you realize solitude is when they’re far away

As you listen to your colleagues talking and laughing, you discover there’s a shroud of solitude surrounding you. It’s not a painful or sad isolation but rather a disconnection, cured only by the presence of the one you love.

19. When you believe you’d rather die with them than live without them

You’re watching a romantic movie. One of the main characters is killed or dies of an illness and leaves behind a grieving partner. The storyline makes you think of your own relationship and, if only for a brief moment, you genuinely believe you’d prefer to die with your lover than live without them.

20. When you feel your story will live on forever, somewhere

That moment when you’re sure the love you feel will outlive the both of you and exist somewhere, somehow, in some way. You think about it when you throw that pebble into the river or the sea, and know it’ll have your story etched upon it, forever.

Featured photo credit: Attractive young man carrying his pretty girlfriend and kissing. Mixed race couple in love outdoors in park. via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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