Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. – Ray Romano
Parenting is both the most difficult and most rewarding job. Kids don’t come with a manual, but if they did it might include these questions you should get in the habit of asking yourself.
Are My Kids Having Fun?
Life tends to get so busy that sometime we forget to prioritize play.
Am I Having Fun?
Same question (almost). If you are so busy chauffering and cooking and doing laundry that you are forgetting to enjoy your children, you need to take a hard look at your priorities.Advertising
Did My Child Eat Well?
Consider quality, not quantity. Were fruits and vegetables the bulk of the diet? Great. Are you limiting too strictly? Every child needs to taste cotton candy once.
Did My Child Sleep Well?
Children need their sleep. If they aren’t getting a reasonable amount of sleep they are not thriving.
Did My Child Learn Something?
This isn’t the same as a getting good grades. It’s about being curious and excited to learn anything from weaving to dinosaur names. Open their minds to the joy of learning.
Did My Child Successfully Negotiate Stress?
Kids need to learn to recognize both how stress feels and how to reduce it in order to navigate the adult world. If you never allow them to experience fear, failure, or grit, they don’t get the opportunity to develop these skills.Advertising
Did I Yell?
How did you feel after yelling? How do you think your child felt?
Why Did I Yell?
You know yelling feels awful for both you and your child. Why do you do it? Some part of you thinks that it works. Remind yourself that it is not the most effective way.
Did I Blame My Child?
If you hear yourself saying “you make me so mad” or “you make mommy sad,” it is time to take ownership of your feelings. “When you come home late I feel worried” or “when you use that tone of voice I feel like you don’t respect me” would convey your feelings without blaming your child for them.
Did I Praise Enough?
It takes seven positive comments to negate the effects of one negative. To build our children’s confidence and self-esteem, we need to praise them more than we might think.Advertising
Did I Praise the Right Things?
Praising a child for things like being smart or pretty is actually harmful to his ability to become resilient. If the child thinks smart is something he is rather then recognizing the grit he puts into learning something, when he eventually is confronted by something that is harder to learn he might think he isn’t smart rather than attempting to work it out.
Am I Treating My Child’s Success as My Own?
Recognize that if she is successful, it is her own. You don’t get to relive your dreams of becoming a soccer player or ballet dancer through your child.
What Do I Want My Children To Feel Today?
Important, respected, and happy.
If This Was My Last Day, What Would I Do Differently?
We have to go to work and cook dinner and do homework but if we looked back on the day, would we do it this way again? Did you laugh? Did you listen?Advertising
Did I Do Something Today to Foster My Child’s Independence?
As your child’s pre-frontal cortex develops a parent is tasked with balancing independence with protection. What are you still doing for your child that he could be doing for himself? Let him do it, it helps foster self-trust.
Am I Parenting Out of Fear or Comfort?
Am I moving towards something I want for my child or away from something I don’t want? It is always more powerful to move toward.
Am I Part of the Problem or Part of the Solution?
Are you helping your child avoid things she doesn’t like doing? That is encouraging avoidance. Instead be on her side encouraging her to develop grit and perseverance.
What Is My Most Important Role as a Parent?
Spend some time thinking about this, then align all your parenting with that role.
Did I Learn From My Mistakes?
We all make them. Admit, then learn from them. Move on. Tomorrow is another day and you need to model this for your children.
What Am I Thankful For?
Reminding ourselves of what we already have or do opens our minds to finding more great things and opportunities as parents.
Last Updated on April 19, 2021
How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)
We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.
Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.
Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.
Table of Contents
Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.
Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger
Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:
This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.
Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.
This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.
Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.
An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.
Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.
Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.
Healthy Ways to Express Anger
What about the healthy ways to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.
Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.
Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.
Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.
Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.
Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.
When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.
Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.
Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.
How to Deal With Anger
If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?
1. Slow Down
From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.
In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.
When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.
2. Focus on the “I”
Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”
When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.
3. Work out
When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.
Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.
Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.
If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.
4. Seek Help When Needed
There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.
5. Practice Relaxation
We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.
That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.
Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.
Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.
7. Be Grateful
It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.
Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.
Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.
During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.
Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.
More Resources on Anger Management
- 10 Anger Management Lessons No One Should Miss
- 20 Things to Do When You Feel Extremely Angry
- How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It
- 20 Effective Ways to Control a Bad Temper
Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com
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