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15 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Moving On To A New Relationship

15 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Moving On To A New Relationship

Bad habits die hard. It’s something we are all aware of. Life gives us situations that leave us often bruised and broken. Once we heal, we only take with us the scars to remind us of what had once happened. So your relationship ended, and you were hurt. Now there’s an incredible person in front of you and you want to make sure it stays exactly where it is. In a way, savior it before it even begins to need saving. So what do you do? Or better yet, what do you not do?

1. Compare Relationships

No two relationships will ever be the same. We can’t compare different beginnings. Fitzgerald once said “there are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” We can’t chase the past in something new, so avoid it before even allowing it to even begin.

2. Bring Your Ex Along For the Ride

Everyone who comes into our lives remains as a part of us in one way or another. When we’re moving on, the past needs to stay in the past. Often, we talk about our exes. We don’t mean to..he/she is just kind of all we know. Talking about our exes keeps us from getting to know anything or anyone else. So keep your ex in the past.

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3. Fast-forward to the Middle

New relationships are exciting. On the brink of something special, you can’t help but want the full dosage right then and there. “I want it all.” You look to run to the finish line. Too much, too soon is chaos. Saying I love you after your first date or wanting the future before the presence has even found its shoes becomes a lethal injection to the healthy beginning. Embrace it as it comes even if time isn’t our friend. There’s a magic to allowing things play out how they are supposed to. That magic is fate.

4. Getting too Comfortable

New relationships are like babies. They take time to develop. It takes time to trust, and let someone in. It takes time to get to know someone. Assuming your partner is okay with your single mentality can easily become walking on thin air. Be kind and treat your relationship like it’s new.

5. The Crazy Stage Four Clinger

Nobody wants to date someone who takes out their personal issues on them. Often we fail to recognize relationships as relationships. Trust that you put yourself into something that doesn’t require you to stalk, snoop, creep, and cling. Relationships aren’t defined by having your hips attached. Its existing independently and co-dependently.

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6. Side Chicks

You’re in a relationship now. With that comes the responsibility of being an adult. There is no longer the need for the people you toy with when struggling to move on because you have. You don’t move forward with your side chicks, you move on with one person.

7. It’s Always on Me, Just Because

I think this happens often and I want to say it’s completely accidental. Maybe unconsciously we believe it’ll make the person like us more, crave us more, want us more. In the end, all it really becomes is a buyout. Affection cannot be bought. New relationships do not require you to empty out your pockets. You don’t have to go beyond your means to impress someone. You want them to fall for you, not who you pretend to be.

8. My Ex and I are Still Dating on Instagram and Facebook

Deleting the past from public display is one of the hardest tasks when moving on. We have the tendency to air out all of our good laundry on social media. If you want to see couples in love, go on any Instagram page of someone in a relationship. We display nothing but the good. We set up images for the world to know just how they should see us. You don’t remember the bad here. When you move on, you can’t keep those things around anymore. Someone else is in the picture.

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9. Blame Your New Partner for Your Ex’s Mistakes

We’ve all been hurt at some point in our lives. Trails of anger leap within our veins when we remember the wrongs done our way. It hurts. When moving on, there can’t be room for blame anymore. It’s important to remember who you have standing in front of you. It’s important to recognize that it’s not your past in front of you but something, someone new. Don’t hate your partner for something he/she didn’t do.

10. Games

Relationships are not games. While it’s new and in the midst of becoming a relationship, brief moments exist where you forget, you are now in the real deal. Playing games are for amateurs. I was once told the only thing we have control over in this life is the amount of hurt we pass to another. Games hurt.

11. Shh, Don’t Tell Anyone

Maybe someone will think it’s too soon. Maybe you’re moving on with someone you’re not certain your friends approve of. It’s not up to them. You’re moving on and you’re not doing it for anyone else but yourself. Your life and who you choose to share it with should never be a secret. Good things never come from keeping hidden the things that matter most. No one wants to be someone’s secret.

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12. Flaunting Your Relationship

There’s a difference between making everyone aware that you’ve moved on and literally shoving it into everyone’s faces. When your entire life becomes nothing but your new relationship, its questionable. Intimacy is a private affair.

13. My Walls of Great China

We are people who love to live within ourselves. Our minds and hearts, they belong to us. We don’t want to give too much too soon. Honestly, sometimes we don’t want to give anything but a façade. Honesty and communication is the key to anything successful. You feel something, say it. You never know the difference it’ll make. Your walls are meant for breaking, so let someone have the chance to do so.

14. I’ll Be Anyone You Want Me To Be

Relationships can never be forced. Attempting to change yourself is forcing something to exist that isn’t there. You’re moving on as you, whoever that may be. Don’t do things you don’t like just because the person you’re dating likes that. Be you and who you are. At the end of the day, you have to be conscious of yourself, no one else.

15. Giving Fear the Wheel

Relationships are risks, especially new ones. You’re allowing someone to become a part of your everyday. It’s no longer just you. Relationships are scary. Commitment is scary. Both are risks. Risks you must be willing to take when getting to know someone. You will never know someone one hundred percent. We’re always changing. A relationship is a commitment to try and accept those changes everyday regardless of what they may be. Fear of that makes us all sometimes run. Don’t.

Featured photo credit: Couple Hugging/Paulina Clemente via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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