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15 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Moving On To A New Relationship

15 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Moving On To A New Relationship

Bad habits die hard. It’s something we are all aware of. Life gives us situations that leave us often bruised and broken. Once we heal, we only take with us the scars to remind us of what had once happened. So your relationship ended, and you were hurt. Now there’s an incredible person in front of you and you want to make sure it stays exactly where it is. In a way, savior it before it even begins to need saving. So what do you do? Or better yet, what do you not do?

1. Compare Relationships

No two relationships will ever be the same. We can’t compare different beginnings. Fitzgerald once said “there are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” We can’t chase the past in something new, so avoid it before even allowing it to even begin.

2. Bring Your Ex Along For the Ride

Everyone who comes into our lives remains as a part of us in one way or another. When we’re moving on, the past needs to stay in the past. Often, we talk about our exes. We don’t mean to..he/she is just kind of all we know. Talking about our exes keeps us from getting to know anything or anyone else. So keep your ex in the past.

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3. Fast-forward to the Middle

New relationships are exciting. On the brink of something special, you can’t help but want the full dosage right then and there. “I want it all.” You look to run to the finish line. Too much, too soon is chaos. Saying I love you after your first date or wanting the future before the presence has even found its shoes becomes a lethal injection to the healthy beginning. Embrace it as it comes even if time isn’t our friend. There’s a magic to allowing things play out how they are supposed to. That magic is fate.

4. Getting too Comfortable

New relationships are like babies. They take time to develop. It takes time to trust, and let someone in. It takes time to get to know someone. Assuming your partner is okay with your single mentality can easily become walking on thin air. Be kind and treat your relationship like it’s new.

5. The Crazy Stage Four Clinger

Nobody wants to date someone who takes out their personal issues on them. Often we fail to recognize relationships as relationships. Trust that you put yourself into something that doesn’t require you to stalk, snoop, creep, and cling. Relationships aren’t defined by having your hips attached. Its existing independently and co-dependently.

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6. Side Chicks

You’re in a relationship now. With that comes the responsibility of being an adult. There is no longer the need for the people you toy with when struggling to move on because you have. You don’t move forward with your side chicks, you move on with one person.

7. It’s Always on Me, Just Because

I think this happens often and I want to say it’s completely accidental. Maybe unconsciously we believe it’ll make the person like us more, crave us more, want us more. In the end, all it really becomes is a buyout. Affection cannot be bought. New relationships do not require you to empty out your pockets. You don’t have to go beyond your means to impress someone. You want them to fall for you, not who you pretend to be.

8. My Ex and I are Still Dating on Instagram and Facebook

Deleting the past from public display is one of the hardest tasks when moving on. We have the tendency to air out all of our good laundry on social media. If you want to see couples in love, go on any Instagram page of someone in a relationship. We display nothing but the good. We set up images for the world to know just how they should see us. You don’t remember the bad here. When you move on, you can’t keep those things around anymore. Someone else is in the picture.

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9. Blame Your New Partner for Your Ex’s Mistakes

We’ve all been hurt at some point in our lives. Trails of anger leap within our veins when we remember the wrongs done our way. It hurts. When moving on, there can’t be room for blame anymore. It’s important to remember who you have standing in front of you. It’s important to recognize that it’s not your past in front of you but something, someone new. Don’t hate your partner for something he/she didn’t do.

10. Games

Relationships are not games. While it’s new and in the midst of becoming a relationship, brief moments exist where you forget, you are now in the real deal. Playing games are for amateurs. I was once told the only thing we have control over in this life is the amount of hurt we pass to another. Games hurt.

11. Shh, Don’t Tell Anyone

Maybe someone will think it’s too soon. Maybe you’re moving on with someone you’re not certain your friends approve of. It’s not up to them. You’re moving on and you’re not doing it for anyone else but yourself. Your life and who you choose to share it with should never be a secret. Good things never come from keeping hidden the things that matter most. No one wants to be someone’s secret.

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12. Flaunting Your Relationship

There’s a difference between making everyone aware that you’ve moved on and literally shoving it into everyone’s faces. When your entire life becomes nothing but your new relationship, its questionable. Intimacy is a private affair.

13. My Walls of Great China

We are people who love to live within ourselves. Our minds and hearts, they belong to us. We don’t want to give too much too soon. Honestly, sometimes we don’t want to give anything but a façade. Honesty and communication is the key to anything successful. You feel something, say it. You never know the difference it’ll make. Your walls are meant for breaking, so let someone have the chance to do so.

14. I’ll Be Anyone You Want Me To Be

Relationships can never be forced. Attempting to change yourself is forcing something to exist that isn’t there. You’re moving on as you, whoever that may be. Don’t do things you don’t like just because the person you’re dating likes that. Be you and who you are. At the end of the day, you have to be conscious of yourself, no one else.

15. Giving Fear the Wheel

Relationships are risks, especially new ones. You’re allowing someone to become a part of your everyday. It’s no longer just you. Relationships are scary. Commitment is scary. Both are risks. Risks you must be willing to take when getting to know someone. You will never know someone one hundred percent. We’re always changing. A relationship is a commitment to try and accept those changes everyday regardless of what they may be. Fear of that makes us all sometimes run. Don’t.

Featured photo credit: Couple Hugging/Paulina Clemente via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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