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15 Things About Love That Are Not Told In Fairy Tales

15 Things About Love That Are Not Told In Fairy Tales

While there are good values we can all learn and appreciate from fairy tales, there are things about love which we weren’t told in them. Here are 15 things about love which we weren’t told in fairy tales:

1. You don’t always get to be tolerated.

Mutual compromise is important in building a strong relationship. Knowing when to tolerate each other makes the relationship last long, and therefor it take both partners to understand when to give in. Expecting the other person to only tolerate you in all situations is only going to develop resentments and eventually damage the relationship.

2. You don’t get something effortlessly.

You get what you give. You might think that people who are in a happy relationship are lucky because they found the right person. But luck came from hard work. The truth is, they have somehow been putting in effort that is appreciated by their partners.

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3. Love isn’t only about beautiful, wonderful things.

Love is sacrifice. When the other person’s happiness is more important than your own, you know it is love. If you can put the other person’s need before yours, that shows true love.

4. A good looking couple doesn’t define equality.

You define what is equal. Equality is when you do something for the person you love knowing the reverse is equally plausible. Love is not physically measurable.

5. You don’t truly understand love simply by being attracted to a person.

You have to experience hurt to understand love. How do you know how much a person means to you if you have never felt the pain from experiencing something that might hurt you?

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6. Good looks don’t ensure happiness.

Looks do not define a person. Just because a person is not good looking by society’s standards, doesn’t mean that he or she are not lovable. We have all seen a happy couple who are average looking. What counts is the heart, because looks will fade in time, but a beautiful heart will stay.

7. Love doesn’t exist singularly.

When there is love, there will be hate. You will not get upset over what your lover does or say if he or she doesn’t matter to you. Have you experienced hating someone that you used to love very much? This shows how much he or she mattered to you. You wouldn’t hate someone you don’t care much about.

8. Living in a beautiful castle doesn’t define love.

You cannot define love with material possessions. Sure, money defines the kind of life you will live in this society. However, it doesn’t define love. What defines love is the effort your partner took in order to make you happy. It’s the idea of genuine care for the person you love.

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9. It is not over when there are roadblocks in the relationship.

Obstacles do not destroy your relationship, they are challenges that will strengthen your relationship if you choose to fight through them. You will never see the beauty of your relationship if you don’t have experience fighting for it.

10. It’s not the differences in personality that separate a partner, it’s differences in lifestyle and not having a goal together that separate them.

It’s difficult to be together if your way of living is very different from your partner’s. You fade apart when you don’t have a specific goal that you aim to achieve together. Be it a goal to build a family, a goal of having a child, a goal to succeed financially, or any other goals that you can work on together.

11. Misunderstanding doesn’t solve itself by coincidence.

An important duty of love is to listen. Misunderstanding and arguments often occur when you are not willing to truly consider the other person’s thoughts.

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12. Don’t just wait to be loved. Love yourself first, in order to be loved.

If you don’t know how to love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? Loving yourself means accepting yourself for who you are while refining yourself by improving to become a better person.

13. Love does change.

The feeling of sweetness and romance that often occurs at the beginning of a relationship may not last, but that does not mean that you are no longer in love after that period has passed. It just meant that you will be at a different stage in your relationship. We all tend to give our best at the beginning of a relationship, and as the time goes by, we get comfortable being our true selves.

14. Love is fighting the battle together.

Walking hand in hand through hard times in life makes love stronger than ever before. It isn’t easy to stick around when life is giving you and your partner a hard time. But walking through it and believing that you will go through it together is what makes the relationship strong.

15. Love is not easy.

But love is worth it when you find the one who is willing to walk through thick and thin with you.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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