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15 Things About Love That Are Not Told In Fairy Tales

15 Things About Love That Are Not Told In Fairy Tales

While there are good values we can all learn and appreciate from fairy tales, there are things about love which we weren’t told in them. Here are 15 things about love which we weren’t told in fairy tales:

1. You don’t always get to be tolerated.

Mutual compromise is important in building a strong relationship. Knowing when to tolerate each other makes the relationship last long, and therefor it take both partners to understand when to give in. Expecting the other person to only tolerate you in all situations is only going to develop resentments and eventually damage the relationship.

2. You don’t get something effortlessly.

You get what you give. You might think that people who are in a happy relationship are lucky because they found the right person. But luck came from hard work. The truth is, they have somehow been putting in effort that is appreciated by their partners.

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3. Love isn’t only about beautiful, wonderful things.

Love is sacrifice. When the other person’s happiness is more important than your own, you know it is love. If you can put the other person’s need before yours, that shows true love.

4. A good looking couple doesn’t define equality.

You define what is equal. Equality is when you do something for the person you love knowing the reverse is equally plausible. Love is not physically measurable.

5. You don’t truly understand love simply by being attracted to a person.

You have to experience hurt to understand love. How do you know how much a person means to you if you have never felt the pain from experiencing something that might hurt you?

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6. Good looks don’t ensure happiness.

Looks do not define a person. Just because a person is not good looking by society’s standards, doesn’t mean that he or she are not lovable. We have all seen a happy couple who are average looking. What counts is the heart, because looks will fade in time, but a beautiful heart will stay.

7. Love doesn’t exist singularly.

When there is love, there will be hate. You will not get upset over what your lover does or say if he or she doesn’t matter to you. Have you experienced hating someone that you used to love very much? This shows how much he or she mattered to you. You wouldn’t hate someone you don’t care much about.

8. Living in a beautiful castle doesn’t define love.

You cannot define love with material possessions. Sure, money defines the kind of life you will live in this society. However, it doesn’t define love. What defines love is the effort your partner took in order to make you happy. It’s the idea of genuine care for the person you love.

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9. It is not over when there are roadblocks in the relationship.

Obstacles do not destroy your relationship, they are challenges that will strengthen your relationship if you choose to fight through them. You will never see the beauty of your relationship if you don’t have experience fighting for it.

10. It’s not the differences in personality that separate a partner, it’s differences in lifestyle and not having a goal together that separate them.

It’s difficult to be together if your way of living is very different from your partner’s. You fade apart when you don’t have a specific goal that you aim to achieve together. Be it a goal to build a family, a goal of having a child, a goal to succeed financially, or any other goals that you can work on together.

11. Misunderstanding doesn’t solve itself by coincidence.

An important duty of love is to listen. Misunderstanding and arguments often occur when you are not willing to truly consider the other person’s thoughts.

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12. Don’t just wait to be loved. Love yourself first, in order to be loved.

If you don’t know how to love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? Loving yourself means accepting yourself for who you are while refining yourself by improving to become a better person.

13. Love does change.

The feeling of sweetness and romance that often occurs at the beginning of a relationship may not last, but that does not mean that you are no longer in love after that period has passed. It just meant that you will be at a different stage in your relationship. We all tend to give our best at the beginning of a relationship, and as the time goes by, we get comfortable being our true selves.

14. Love is fighting the battle together.

Walking hand in hand through hard times in life makes love stronger than ever before. It isn’t easy to stick around when life is giving you and your partner a hard time. But walking through it and believing that you will go through it together is what makes the relationship strong.

15. Love is not easy.

But love is worth it when you find the one who is willing to walk through thick and thin with you.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on July 13, 2020

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

It’s common to be struck with a bout of pessimism, or to naturally be more towards the pessimistic end of the perspective spectrum. It’s hard to see the positives in life and become an optimist when you’re lost in the murky waters of negative thinking.

However, Henrik Edberg, the founder of The Positivity Blog is here to share nine ways we can create a more optimistic outlook and positive perspective:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” — Maria Robinson

When I was younger — in my teens and early 20s — I was trapped. Not physically, but mentally: by the destructive thought pattern called pessimism. This negative thinking poisoned what might have been a pretty good and opportunity-filled childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. This pessimism created ceilings and walls where there really were none.

Throughout the period when I was ridden by pessimism, my life and I mostly stood still. Looking back, it was a terrible waste. If you are in pessimistic place, you don’t have to stay there for the rest of your life. I didn’t, for I learned to replace my negative thinking with optimism.

In this article I’ll explore nine positivity habits that have helped me to go from someone who was pessimistic most of the time to someone who is now optimistic almost all the time. I recommend to not try to add all the habits at one go but to choose one habit and to practice it for 30 days so it becomes a habit, before adding the next.

1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

This is the simplest but perhaps also the most important habit I have discovered in adopting an optimistic mindset. The questions we ask ourselves day in and day out when we wind up in negative, difficult or uncertain situations make all the difference in our life.

A pessimist might ask him/herself questions like:

  • “Why did this happen to me?”
  • “Why do bad things happen to me all the time?”

But an optimist asks him/herself the questions that open up the mind to new viewpoints and possibilities. A few of my favorite questions for finding the optimistic perspective are:

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  • “What is one good thing about this situation?”
  • “What can I learn from this situation?”
  • “What is one small step I can take today to start solving this situation?”

2. Create a Positive Environment to Live In

The people you spend your time with and the information you let influence your mind will have a huge effect on your attitude and how you think about things.

Watch this YouTube video and learn the power of a positive environment:

So choose to:

  • Spend more time with the people who lift you up. And less time – or no time – with people who just bring you down by being negative and critical. Read: You are the Average of the 5 People You Spend the Most Time With
  • Let in the information that supports you. Spend less time on negative and self-esteem damaging media sources and spend more time reading positive and constructive blogs and books, watching motivating movies, listening to inspirational songs, and listening to audio books and podcasts created by optimistic people. Check out 12 Inspirational Movies With Important Life Lessons To Learn and 25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time.

3. Be Grateful for What You Have (Don’t Forget About Yourself Too)

A very simple and quick way to boost the positive energy in your life is to tap into gratitude.

I usually do it by asking one or more of these questions:

  1. What can I be grateful for in my life today?
  2. Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?
  3. What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?

Just spend 60 seconds or a few minutes during your day with answering one of these questions to reap the wonderful benefits.

4. Don’t Forget About Your Physical Self

Being an optimist isn’t just about thinking in a different way. It is also about caring for the physical part of ourselves.

I have found that working out a couple of times a week, enough quality sleep each night and eating healthy food has a huge effect on my mindset.

If I mismanage those very basic things then negative thoughts pop up far more often and I become more pessimistic and shut down about the possibilities in my life.

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So don’t neglect these basic fundamentals. Just caring for your physical self the right way can minimize a whole bunch of problems in life.

5. Start Your Day in an Optimistic Way

The way you start your morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. For example, a stress-free morning often leads to less stress during the rest of the day.

So how can you set an optimistic tone for your day?

A three-step combination that has worked very well for me is to ask myself a gratitude question during breakfast, read some positive information online or in a book very early in the morning and then follow that up with exercising.

This sets my mind on the right path and fills me up with energy for my day.

6. Focus on Solutions

A sure way to feel more negative about a situation is to sit around and do nothing about it. Instead, use the questions I shared in step one and open up your mind to the possibilities of the situation you are in.

If you have trouble to get started with taking action, ask yourself:

What is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling?

Then take that small step forward. However small this step is, it can have a big effect in your mood and thoughts. If the step feels too big or it just makes you procrastinate, then ask yourself:

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What is an even smaller step I can take to move forward today?

The most important thing is to move forward, even if it’s a tiny baby step.

7. Reduce Your Worries

The worrying habit is a powerful and destructive one and can take over anyone’s thinking. It used to be one of my biggest obstacles to optimism and to moving forward in life.

Two effective steps that have helped me and still help me to this day to minimize the worries are:

  1. Ask yourself: how many of my worries ever happened in reality? If you are like me you will find that the answer is: very few. Most of the things you fear throughout your life will never happen. They are just nightmares or monsters in your own mind. This question can help you to do a reality check, to calm down and to realize that you have most likely just been building another imaginary nightmare.
  2. Focus on solutions and the action you can take. The worries grow stronger in a foggy mind and an inactive body. So use the questions in Steps 1 and 6 to move out of your worries and into resolution.

8. Don’t Let Ideals Ruin Things

A common mistake people make when making a shift in their attitudes is that they think that they have be perfect and do things perfectly all the time. This traps them from being positive.

Changing to a positive attitude can be gradual. While you may slip and stumble, continuing this way over time will strengthen your positive viewpoint more and more.

But if you set an inhuman standard for yourself and think you have to go from being a pessimist to always being an optimist, then you may find it hard to live up to that. And so you may feel like a failure. You get angry with yourself. And you may even give up on changing this habit and fall back into negative thinking.

So instead, focus on gradual change. If you are optimistic 40% of the time right now, try to improve this to being optimistic 60% of the time. Then, increase that to 80% when you are used to the new standard, then subsequently 100% if you can.

This focus on gradual improvement is far more sustainable and likely to bring long-term success than trying to reach an inhuman standard grounded in perfection.

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9. Finally, a Reminder to Help You to Not Give Up

I would like to end this article with a simple but powerful and timeless thought that comforted and encouraged me to continue on when things looked bleak.

That thought is: It is always darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on and keep going when my social skills and dating life was just plain bad. It has helped me to continue on in my online business when things looked like they would never pick up. It has helped me to put one foot over another even when things looked dark.

I have found this thought to be very true. Why? Because when things seemed to be at the lowest for my blog, business, dating life or life in general, something positive would always happened. That’s probably because being at a low point forced me to change how I did things.

But maybe also because life has a way of evening itself out when I go on. By taking action rather than give up, something good will always happens.

Seeing this thought live itself out has strengthened my belief in staying optimistic, in taking action and to keep going even when going through rough patches.

Re-syndicated 9 Simple Habits to Stay Positive in Life | Personal Excellence

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Featured photo credit: Allie Smith via unsplash.com

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