Advertising
Advertising

15 Steps for Creating Your Hero’s Path

15 Steps for Creating Your Hero’s Path

Go ahead and peek! I won’t tell anyone! Look under your first two shirt buttons and see if there is a bright blue spandex superhero suit underneath.

You don’t see it yet? Don’t worry. You will!

Any one of us can be a hero. Let’s go even further. Any one of us can be a Super Hero. We just need to know how. The path is there but is hidden under the thick vines and thorns of false information and confusion. No problem. Follow me as we part the thorns and discover the true path hidden underneath.

1) Know who and what you are.

Superheros know that they are different. They know that they are not quite human and see things differently than many of those around them. They have a higher responsibility level than ordinary human beings because they know how powerful they are.

The first thing one must realize when one decides to assume superhero status is that there is a part of us that is flesh and bone and another part, a much more powerful but suppressed part of us that is divine. It is the breath of God. It is the life force, the Elan Vital and it is us.

One who knows this and embraces it, knows that he has a deep responsibility. I am not talking about responsibility as blame of self or others, but just plain responsibility for making things right. We have that power and if you seek super hero status, you must embrace who you really are and accept all of the power inherent in you.

2) Understand that you really do know best.

You may not want to face the truth of certain situations but on some level you KNOW what is really going on and what is the correct action.

I once heard someone say, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” If you are confused about what actions or directions are best, just be the rising tide. Lift those around you as much as you possibly can and you will be lifted.

3) Know that some of the things you are learning now may be skills needed by your future self.

Steve Jobs talked about how he learned all kinds of random skills and when he started up Apple, they all seemed to come together. I personally believe that it is our future selves talking when we have a mad desire to learn or do something new. Never stop learning! Be curious about everything! Skills have a habit of coming in handy when you least expect it.

Advertising

4) Understand what fear is.

There are two types of fear. One is fear of something that is a real threat or danger. This fear is to be heeded and acted upon to avoid catastrophe.

The other type of fear comes from past pain. Past pain is just that—PAST pain. It has no bearing on the present and has a tendency to make us shut down and back away, even if the circumstances are completely different than the circumstances surrounding the pain we once felt.

This makes us paralyzed, and some people are paralyzed to the point that they never leave their houses. This fear is not helpful in that it is way too sweeping and prohibits you from seeing things in the present. You may not see that the circumstances are different. You may not even see that your fear stems from a completely different and long forgotten situation.

If your fear is non specific and is fear of something that will not cause you imminent collapse, conquer your fear and move ahead.

You will also find that fear diminishes greatly in the face of control of a situation. Control comes from skill and knowledge.

Find out what you are really afraid of, face it and learn as much about it as you can. Then go do what you need to do.

5) Be in good communication with all aspects of your life.

Unpleasant occurrences are a lot less likely to sneak up on you if you are in communication with the people and environment around you. When you look at people and things in your present time environment, look at them in THE PRESENT.

So many times we look at situations and see them as the same as those awful ones that have occurred in the past. Whenever you start telling yourself that “this has happened before,” understand that this is not true. Situations that are in the future have not happened before. It is a new instance; try to see it as such. This does not mean that one should make the same mistakes over and over, but look at each situation newly as they rise up in front of you.

6) Understand people

People have a tendency to seem confusing, but they are not that incomprehensible. The best way to understand your fellow man is to listen to him. Everyone has a story and some are quite amazing. Listen to everyone’s story and you will start to get an idea of what even the average Joe has been through and what he is about.

Advertising

I have recently been taking part in a radio show where we have live callers. On our show we talked to a man who is now a real estate broker. We found out that he had been in wars and has traveled extensively. He has been rich and lost everything several times. He has seen some things we only dream about or have nightmares about. Yet, he walks among us as one of us. Scratch the surface of your fellows. They are really quite remarkable.

7) Keep your integrity

I wrote a recent blog on my website about the importance of integrity and how several times this life I have lost everything, but knew I was correct in walking away because I kept my integrity.

The definition of “Integrity” is twofold:

First, it is adherence to a moral or ethical code (“Moral” meaning a code that one has agreed to and “Ethical,” meaning it is what one knows inherently is right)

The second definition of “Integrity” is wholeness, or freedom from blemish.

If you look at it, the first definition is a recipe that results in the second definition. You can remain whole, unblemished and perfect if you stick like glue to your own personal ethical code.

If you have strayed and are divided against yourself, you can find your way back by outlining your ethical code and sticking to it.

No one is too far gone to heal himself. Ever.

8) Respect yourself as much or more than the person you respect the most in your life.

When one is given respect, unless one is very confused, one strives to be worthy of respect. Respect yourself. Stand up for yourself. Defend yourself as you would someone you dearly love. Never say anything to yourself you would even think about saying to someone you love.

Advertising

One of the biggest scams going in society today is the idea that you have to be “humble” by putting yourself down. You can’t “show off” your talents. I completely disagree. You damage yourself by making yourself smaller and the only ones you please are those who profit by your small stature. Grow into a giant. Encourage others to grow into giants. We need way more giants than weak men right now.  Only the weakest among us will try to keep you small.

9) Be compassionate with those in pain but never let them be victims.

This world is a harsh place. There is no disguising that fact. We all get knocked down and knocked down hard. We all deserve compassion and a helping hand when we need it.

that said, we do a disservice to those who spend their lives being victimized. What they are saying is that they are too small, too weak and too degraded to survive on their own. Anyone, in their eyes is better than they  are. If you agree with them that they are helpless, you convince them that it is so.

Look at kids who have had everything given to them. Most of them are manifesting incompetence in life. They feel that they cannot contribute because they have not learned how. Then look at those who have worked for what they have. They have learned to be resourceful. They have self respect and know they can get by on their own. They better understand their personal value.

There are some unfortunate people who have been hit very hard by life to the point that they feel they will never recover. When you meet someone like that, by all means help them and provide support, but find out what they can do and invite them to do it, even if it is a tiny thing.

It is a horrible awful thing when one loses his self respect and decides that he is no use to anyone. Help him get back his self respect and see that he has value. We inherently equate our value with what we can contribute to others. If we feel that we can contribute nothing, well, that is a very painful place to live.

10) Never give up no matter what.

The only winners are those who never give up. When hit with adversity, decide whether you need to change your game plan, but don’t give up your goal. Those who stand with you are your friends. Those who try to sow doubts about yourself are not.

11) Always have a goal even a small one.

Your goals in life are the things that move you forward in the time stream toward a better life for yourself and others. Don’t let past experiences shape you; let future experiences that you, yourself have placed in the future, shape you. You will be a lot happier and healthier.

12) Always have dreams, lots of dreams, no matter how old you are.

Our futures and those of others around us are created in the form of dreams. You never know when the opportunity might arise to make one or more come true.

Advertising

13) Be willing to change.

It does not make you wrong if you change.  If you decide that your entire life is not what you want it to be for whatever reason, it does not mean that your current or past life was invalid, wrong or not what you wanted at that time. A certain amount of volatility is inherent in us, and there is nothing wrong with a high level of volatility when it is accompanied by a high level of responsibility.

14) Explore alternate viewpoints.

There is nothing more interesting to me than other people’s universes. The way they have constructed their lives, who they are, what they have been through and how they have crafted their views is my fascination. When you view these things objectively and without prejudice, you learn about people and about yourself. Don’t be afraid to find out.

15) Understand that failure is not failing.

It is extremely rare for a person who is trying something entirely new to succeed on the first try, or the second, or the third. This is not failure. Failure is giving up in disgust and taking your ball and going home. The people at the top of their fields worked hard, lost ground, gained it back and lost it again before finally arriving where they are. Failure is only and ever what you decide it to be and if you decide it doesn’t exist, that is legitimate too.

A final word of advice.

Once you have decided to be whatever type of hero you want to be, you must embrace this path wholeheartedly. Your purpose in life is so important that it cannot be halfway accepted for you to be well and happy.

I have personal experience with this. I have had many different careers in my life. Some have aligned pretty well with my true purpose, which is to ally myself with the heroes I see who really want to change this world and make it better, and to reach all the people of earth and help in whatever way I can, to bring them up to a much higher level of survival. Other careers I have had have been wildly off track.

Until I found and embraced who I really was and the correct method in fulfilling my purpose, I was dissatisfied, tired, and to some degree, jaded.

I had to stop hiding and agreeing with people who felt that I must be limited. It was a huge responsibility and a giant amount of wor,k but I have found that it is the only way I can be happy.

Look carefully. Find out what your TRUE purpose is. It may be huge and if so, don’t back away. Embrace it for all the amazing future wins, possible losses and scary situations it contains. When you find it and when you embrace it, you will be solidly on the hero’s path and nothing can strike you off.

Good luck. Please write me from time to time on your journeys and tell me how it is going!

More by this author

Chris Ellis

Successful Author, Life Coach and Musician

Living in Fear? 14 Ways to Live Life Free of Fear and Full of Hope The Little Prince Quotes That Will Inspire You: Wit and Wisdom Explained Mastering Onstage Anxiety Can You Beat Onstage Anxiety? Travel is the Wise Man's Addiction 15 Reasons Traveling Is the Wise Man’s Addiction Be Lucky! 15 Ways to Create Your Own Luck

Trending in Communication

1 6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master 2 5 Ways to Turn Around a Bad Day at Work 3 6 Qualities of a Charismatic Leader 4 How to Find Motivation When Tough Times Won’t Seem to Pass 5 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

Advertising

In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

Advertising

Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

Advertising

It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

Advertising

If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

Read Next