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14 Things No One Tells You About Being in a Long-Distance Relationship

14 Things No One Tells You About Being in a Long-Distance Relationship

Boy meets girl. They go crazy over each other, knowing one of them is leaving town in less than a month (or a week, or a day!). The story never gets old.

The dreadful day approaches. They’re at the airport, time is running low. There are tears, sloppy kisses and endless promises that they will get through it no matter what! One leaves. One stays. But know this: “dating” in no way prepares you for a long-distance relationship. It is a different kind of ball game altogether.

Before moving to France to be with my partner, I spent over a year living in a limbo of visa paperwork, lonesome nights lying awake, and carefully crossing out days left until we met again.

Now, I need to put it in bold: long-distance relationships seriously suck!

Below are 14 things no one will tell you about being in a long-distance relationship, except for someone who has already done it.

1. Congrats! You’ve got a free ticket to an emotional roller-coaster ride!

Some days will be fine. You’ll just do all the usual stuff — go to work, catch up with friends for drinks, walk your dog and work out every day to look fit when you finally meet again.

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But there will be terrible days too. Days when you don’t want to get out of bed or do anything meaningful — except for embracing your pain and loneliness. Days when you seriously question your decision: “Is it worth it? Why am I doing this?”

You’ll go from moments of tremendous joy together to hopelessly depressing thoughts on the night before your departure: “Will I survive another separation? I’m not sure how many more times my heart can be torn apart until it finally breaks!”

2. There will be a lot of tough choices to make

So where are we heading? How do we see our future together? Should I leave everything and move to you? Is it worth it? Who will come and visit? When?

Get used to the endless swirl of complicated questions you both need to answer honestly.

3. Your laptop is your real significant other

At least for now.

You will fall asleep with your beloved’s face on the screen. The first thing you’ll grab in the morning is your laptop to check if they’ve already sent you a sweet “Morning, sunshine!” email. You’ll put your laptop next to your plate so you can have dinner together.

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You’ll also get to know all the latest video, chat and photo exchange apps, all designed for couples who are apart.

4. Time will be your main enemy

When you are together, you’ll savor each and every moment. You’ll plan to do all those amazing super-romantic couple things, or simply enjoy the warmth of actual hugs as long as possible. Yet, you will never get enough time.

But once apart again, you’ll simply wish the clock ran faster: “Is it Friday already? So, there’s just 24 days left until I visit. Can I please wake up on day X?”

5. You will get more creative trying to fill up your time

Always wanted to learn French? How about play tennis, enroll in a Japanese cooking class, or master ink drawing? This is a high time to find new hobbies and try new things. Keep your mind engaged and let it focus on learning new skills. Besides, isn’t it an awesome way to impress your partner when you finally catch up again?

6. There will be all sort of memory triggers that will cause you to randomly cry

I thought I was emotionally strong. I was proved wrong. Numerous times.

7. It won’t get easier in time

Even if you think you can get used to being apart and are now stoically waiting for when things get easier, they won’t. No matter how long you are in a long-distance relationship, you always miss your significant other like crazy.

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Revisit points #1 and #6 and accept that.

8. You learn to live in a twisted reality

They’re never there, but they’re all yours. You spend too much time inside your head replaying all those sweet moments spent together, having all those daydreams and conversations.

That’s odd. I know.

9. Your friends won’t be as supportive as you expect

“OMG! So you’re like one year into a long-distance relationship? How do you cope with, you know … desire?”

“Does your boyfriend even exist?”

“Why don’t you find someone else to date?”

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Right.

Why can’t a cat become a dog?

10. Long distance feels heavy

Your partner won’t be around every time you desperately need them, not on one of those “bad days” when you are one step away from a yet another mental breakdown. Not on those days when you fail and need more support that any sweet words on Skype can convey. Eventually, you learn to cope with a lot of things on your own, and you grow stronger and more mature in the process.

11. Finding the time to visit is complicated

You won’t be able to come and visit each and every weekend or month as you originally intended to. You still have different and conflicting commitments holding you back. (Or else you’d be sitting next to each other already, right?) And unless booked months in advance flights cost a pretty penny and get insanely expensive during holidays and vacation seasons. Exactly, those times when you are most likely to be able to visit.

12. When you finally meet again, you just pick up just where you’ve finished

When you are together again, it seems like those ugly weeks apart never existed. Like you finally pressed “Play” and started living your perfect life again. At least until it’s time to go back home.

13. Eventually, you develop this odd feeling of sureness

You will begin to consider that if you are not soul mates, why would both of you bother so much? Your relationship are definitely not about sex. Rather, you are like friends without benefits most of the time. You can talk over anything — hopes, fears, dreams, insecurities. Jealousy is just an empty word as you grow absolutely confident in your partner and yourself.

14. You know if you both see this through to the end, your relationship will survive anything

As a couple you will develop this invisible, bulletproof bond. It will carry you through all sort of arguments and life difficulties. After all, if you survive the long-distance thing, everything else from then on will seem easily manageable!

Featured photo credit: Hearth symbol in sunset via shutterstock.com

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Elena Prokopets

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on February 13, 2019

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

Think being happy is something that happens as a result of luck, circumstance, having money, etc.? Think again.

Happiness is a mindset. And if you’re looking to improve your ability to find happiness, then check out these 10 things happy people do differently.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. -Dalai Lama

1. Happy people find balance in their lives.

Folks who are happy have this in common: they’re content with what they have, and don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying and stressing over things they don’t. Unhappy people do the opposite: they spend too much time thinking about what they don’t have. Happy people lead balanced lives. This means they make time for all the things that are important to them, whether it’s family, friends, career, health, religion, etc.

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2. Happy people abide by the golden rule.

You know that saying you heard when you were a kid, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Well, happy people truly embody this principle. They treat others with respect. They’re sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. They’re compassionate. And they get treated this way (most of the time) in return.

3. Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest things happy people do differently compared to unhappy people is they let stuff go. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Happy people realize this, are able to take things in stride, and move on. Unhappy people tend to dwell on minor inconveniences and issues, which can perpetuate feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment, greed, and anger.

4. Happy people take responsibility for their actions.

Happy people aren’t perfect, and they’re well aware of that. When they screw up, they admit it. They recognize their faults and work to improve on them. Unhappy people tend to blame others and always find an excuse why things aren’t going their way. Happy people, on the other hand, live by the mantra:

“There are two types of people in the world: those that do and those that make excuses why they don’t.”

5. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.

happiness surrounding

    One defining characteristic of happy people is they tend to hang out with other happy people. Misery loves company, and unhappy people gravitate toward others who share their negative sentiments. If you’re struggling with a bout of sadness, depression, worry, or anger, spend more time with your happiest friends or family members. Chances are, you’ll find that their positive attitude rubs off on you.

    6. Happy people are honest with themselves and others.

    People who are happy often exhibit the virtues of honesty and trustworthiness. They would rather give you candid feedback, even when the truth hurts, and they expect the same in return. Happy people respect people who give them an honest opinion.

    7. Happy people show signs of happiness.

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    smile

      This one may sound obvious but it’s a key differentiator between happy and unhappy people. Think about your happiest friends. Chances are, the mental image you form is of them smiling, laughing, and appearing genuinely happy. On the flip side, those who aren’t happy tend to look the part. Their posture may be slouched and you may perceive a lack of confidence.

      8. Happy people are passionate.

      Another thing happy people have in common is their ability to find their passions in life and pursue those passions to the fullest. Happy people have found what they’re looking for, and they spend their time doing what they love.

      9. Happy people see challenges as opportunities.

      Folks who are happy accept challenges and use them as opportunities to learn and grow. They turn negatives into positives and make the best out of seemingly bad situations. They don’t dwell on things that are out of their control; rather, they seek solutions and creative ways of overcoming obstacles.

      10. Happy people live in the present.

      While unhappy people tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future, happy people live in the moment. They are grateful for “the now” and focus their efforts on living life to the fullest in the present. Their philosophy is:

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      There’s a reason it’s called “the present.” Because life is a gift.

      So if you’d like to bring a little more happiness into your life, think about the 10 principles above and how you can use them to make yourself better.

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