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12 Signs That You’re in a Highly Cherished Relationship

12 Signs That You’re in a Highly Cherished Relationship

How can you tell that you are in a highly cherished relationship? Usually, the signs are pretty obvious. Read the 12 pointers below that will confirm if you are on the right track. If you cannot tick off all these, then there might be some repair-work to be done!

What do we mean by cherished?

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” – Oscar Wilde

Most marriage or partnership ceremonies mention the word ‘cherish.’ The best definition of the word ‘cherished’ is ‘nurtured.’ Think of a plant which needs water, sunshine, and a bit of tender loving care. Just do that today and every day. The plant or relationship will grow and flourish as you discover each other.

“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today.” – Michelle C. Ustaszeski

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1. You never make these mistakes.

Watch this five minute video which will show how this couple went wrong and how they failed miserably to cherish each other.

2. You get a message every day.

These messages are usually little gems to show you are loved and appreciated. They can be silly or funny ‘love you’ messages, notes left in weird places, in jokes, and coded messages. They have one thing in common – they show that you are treasured.

3. You are up to-date on your partner’s schedule.

Simple, but effective. You know what is happening at work and vice versa. You swap worries, anxieties, and successes. These are always followed up with specific questions about how the day went. Don’t forget to ask for more details.

4. Your partner or spouse has no problems with your success.

Promotions, awards, brilliant performance reports, and success in the sports arena are always ok. Your partner does not feel threatened or lose self-esteem when you are on a winning streak. It is all part of your personal development and you should never feel stifled in a relationship. A study, led by Kate Ratliff at the University of Florida showed:

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  • Men were more likely to suffer loss of self-esteem when their partner achieved success.
  • The ‘Oscar Love Curse’ after women won Oscars may have affected some relationships negatively.
  • Many partnerships broke up, eg. Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, and Kate Winslet, just to name a few.
  • Dutch men felt similarly although the gender gap there is less than in the USA.

5. You never feel threatened, insulted, or inadequate.

When your partner is angry, you never feel that you are under threat or that there is a risk for your safety. Angry moments melt like snow in the sun. There is no fallout afterwards. You have never experienced insults or threats and you have certainly never been emotionally blackmailed. A positive indicator might be that 95% of the time you spend together is calm, peaceful, and mutually fulfilling. You do not feel that you have to act a part in a domestic play.

6. You share precious moments.

“Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.” – Booth Tarkington

You both ensure that special occasions are celebrated and recorded. But this also includes sharing everyday pleasurable moments when doing things together, such as watching sports or eating out. They will be valuable moments later on and will be visual reminders of a cherished relationship.

7. You are grateful and you say thank you.

Every day, your partner shows you some appreciation simply for your presence. You can respond by being grateful and using words to show that the appreciation is mutual.

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8. You have your own space.

Space is not just a physical room where you can be quiet and alone when you need to be. No relationship can thrive when a clinging partner threatens to suffocate you. You also feel that you have room to grow, develop your own projects, and hang out with your own friends. Your partner feels the same about his/her interests and you both ask how these are progressing.

9. You are always given support.

“I never wanted a Guardian Angel. I didn’t ask for one. One was assigned to me.” – Mercedes McCambridge

You feel your partner is like a guardian angel who offers support, advice, and help for you to get through a difficult patch, like an issue at work, bereavement, or a health problem.

10. You always make time to spend time together.

Couples grow apart very often because they are too bound up with work and commitments. Eventually, the lack of prime time together becomes a negative force. Workaholic tendencies need to be checked because loneliness is often the first step in a break-up.

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11. You are never nagged.

Lucky you! How many partners would like to be able to say that? It is a sad fact that the actual nagging about trivial things becomes a negative message. The partner is aware that he or she is not appreciated, is inadequate, or the partnership is floundering like a ship on the rocks. Very often, nagging means that there are underlying problems that need to be addressed.

12. You feel perfectly at ease in the relationship.

Tom Hanks, in the film ’Sleepless in Seattle,’ summed it up so well…

“It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it.”

So, how did you do? Were you able to tick off all the 12 signs that you truly are in a highly cherished relationship? If not, who is the guilty party? If it is you, then you can start to fix a few things right away. If it is your partner you could show him or her this post. Better still, you could just have a chat about it. Much cheaper than going to a therapist!

Featured photo credit: Couple in Bed — Image by Ole Graf/zefa/Corbis via via Flickr , Ole Graf

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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