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11 Things You Wish You Knew Before Your First Relationship

11 Things You Wish You Knew Before Your First Relationship

If only we could be young again! Young and in love but with the knowledge we have now. Oh, to have that perspective! My first real relationship was quite a doozy, with a lot of mistakes made, so I am going to address this article to my younger self before I started dating boys. If you have not yet entered your first relationship, please read this to better prepare yourself for what is to come.

1. Only you can define yourself.

You are not defined by your boyfriend or girlfriend. A person needs to be confident of him or herself before entering any kind of serious relationship. You need to be happy with the person you are and the choices you make when you are alone. Do not depend on another person to make you feel good.

2. Never neglect your friends or family for the sake of a dating relationship.

A great way to ruin amazing friendships is to ditch your friends for a boy or girl. Believe you me! Your family and friends were there first. Don’t think you can ignore them and they will still be waiting around for you if your relationship fails. Make time for your other relationships as it’s good to have a wide network as opposed to only one person in your life.

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3. You do not always live happily ever after.

Sadly, high school relationships statistically only last long term 2% of the time. This is hard to understand when you are young and your hormones are making you dizzy and sick with love. No one and nothing else could ever get in the way of your love! Ever! No matter how wonderful a relationship might seem, if you are too young to know what you want, it might not last.

4. Guard your heart, but not too much.

Since your first relationship might not last, it is best to guard yourself, at least a little. At the same time, you need to be able to open up in order to have a romantic relationship. Try your best to find this balance.

5. You might get hurt.

This is part of life and almost to be expected. When you open yourself up to another person, vulnerability occurs. This creates a close connection between two people, but it can also leave you open for a world of hurt. It is up to you how much of your heart you will risk for the relationship.

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6. You deserve respect—from yourself and from your partner.

Determine boundaries beforehand. Decide for yourself what is acceptable in the way you are treated, both verbally and physically. Then tell your partner and stick to those boundaries. It is an awful thing to find out along the way that you have given up too much.

7. Your love cannot be the center of the universe.

Life is still happening around you. There are still decisions to be made, responsibilities such as homework, chores and/or a job. Do not forgo everything else in your life just to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

8. No one belongs to you, nor you to anyone else.

Being in a relationship does not mean you lose all sense of self. Have your own interests and friends. At the same time, realize your boyfriend or girlfriend needs to have his or her own hobbies and social groups as well. You should be able to spend time together, just not all of your waking moments.

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9. You can never force someone to change.

This is one of the hardest lessons to learn (mainly for women—we seem to want to change our men). A person may act as though he or she is changing to make you happy, but it might not last long if the person doesn’t truly want to change.

10. It’s not like the movies.

Oh, Hollywood, how you trick the youth of the world with your gold-spun stories of love and romance! We are fooled into believing that finding romantic love is the greatest thing in life. Problems are supposed to melt away, there is no fighting and you drive off into the sunset, a complete person with your mate. Romance can be great, but keeping a relationship thriving is work. Be prepared to work if you truly want it to last.

11. Use this experience as a learning tool.

Sure, you might stay together and grow old with your first love, but if not, use your first relationship as a learning tool. What went wrong? What went right? How could you have communicated better? These are all things we learn from early relationships that help us in cultivating a better one down the road.

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Don’t be frightened by this list. Love can truly be amazing. The thing is, you might not know how to deal with or even know about the negative possibilities when entering a first relationship. Learn from these things and be better prepared when you take that first step.

For those of you who are experienced in the relationship realm, any advice for the newbies?

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Amanda DeWitt

Writer. Photographer. Instagrammer. Future Educator.

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Last Updated on October 9, 2018

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

Who has never gone through some ups and downs in the life? But some people can feel better in a quicker way than others because they’ve found their own remedies to heal the bad feelings.

If you haven’t found yours, these ways will help you instantly feel better and ditch that negative self talk when you’re feeling bad about yourself:

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  1. Listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university, this will recall you of the old good times.
  2. Write something. Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone.
  3. Draw something. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.
  4. Read the postcards or letters your friends or family sent you before, remind yourself there are people who always remember you.
  5. Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed and try to recapture that very first feeling. Was it the day of your graduation? The moment you traveled with your loved one?
  6. Take out your photo albums and go over your childhood photos.
  7. Cry when you feel like doing so. There’s nothing wrong with crying; cry out all your fear and stress and just face the truth after crying.
  8. Sing loudly like no one can hear you. Do you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?
  9. Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family.
  10. Read your previous diary entries and look at your great memories.
  11. Dress up nicely to feel happier.
  12. Don’t stay in your bed! Get your laptop or a book and sit in a coffee place.
  13. Take a walk outside and feel the fresh air.
  14. Sweat yourself! Go jogging or play some sports.
  15. Pick up the musical instrument you used to play a lot and start to play it.
  16. Tidy up your desk or wardrobe, you’ll feel good that you’re being productive and actually doing something.
  17. Watch some funny videos, sure you can find a lot of them on Youtube.
  18. Eat something you like, be it a chocolate cake, or an ice-cream. Just please yourself with the flavour you like.
  19. Re-read your favorite book and write down the sentences or passages that you love.
  20. Watch a new movie, there must be a movie which you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch it.
  21. Do something nice that no one will notice, say picking up a rubbish in the street and throw it to a trash bin.
  22. Call your best friend and just talk whatever you want! Human beings are social animals after all, connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.
  23. Do voluntary work and help people in need, you’ll feel happy and satisfied.
  24. Get drunk with your close friends at home – a safe place for you to get drunk and get crazy. Let loose and have fun with your very close friends.
  25. Write an email or a note to a friend who you care about.
  26. Get out of your routine life and meet new friends. Get out of your comfort zone! Meeting new people can give you new inspirations in life.
  27. Look into the mirror and smile. Act like today’s already a wonderful day. How we act affects how we feel. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!

Remember:

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It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.  — Epictetus

If you want to feel better, change what you’re doing because obviously what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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