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11 Things You Wish You Knew Before Your First Relationship

11 Things You Wish You Knew Before Your First Relationship

If only we could be young again! Young and in love but with the knowledge we have now. Oh, to have that perspective! My first real relationship was quite a doozy, with a lot of mistakes made, so I am going to address this article to my younger self before I started dating boys. If you have not yet entered your first relationship, please read this to better prepare yourself for what is to come.

1. Only you can define yourself.

You are not defined by your boyfriend or girlfriend. A person needs to be confident of him or herself before entering any kind of serious relationship. You need to be happy with the person you are and the choices you make when you are alone. Do not depend on another person to make you feel good.

2. Never neglect your friends or family for the sake of a dating relationship.

A great way to ruin amazing friendships is to ditch your friends for a boy or girl. Believe you me! Your family and friends were there first. Don’t think you can ignore them and they will still be waiting around for you if your relationship fails. Make time for your other relationships as it’s good to have a wide network as opposed to only one person in your life.

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3. You do not always live happily ever after.

Sadly, high school relationships statistically only last long term 2% of the time. This is hard to understand when you are young and your hormones are making you dizzy and sick with love. No one and nothing else could ever get in the way of your love! Ever! No matter how wonderful a relationship might seem, if you are too young to know what you want, it might not last.

4. Guard your heart, but not too much.

Since your first relationship might not last, it is best to guard yourself, at least a little. At the same time, you need to be able to open up in order to have a romantic relationship. Try your best to find this balance.

5. You might get hurt.

This is part of life and almost to be expected. When you open yourself up to another person, vulnerability occurs. This creates a close connection between two people, but it can also leave you open for a world of hurt. It is up to you how much of your heart you will risk for the relationship.

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6. You deserve respect—from yourself and from your partner.

Determine boundaries beforehand. Decide for yourself what is acceptable in the way you are treated, both verbally and physically. Then tell your partner and stick to those boundaries. It is an awful thing to find out along the way that you have given up too much.

7. Your love cannot be the center of the universe.

Life is still happening around you. There are still decisions to be made, responsibilities such as homework, chores and/or a job. Do not forgo everything else in your life just to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

8. No one belongs to you, nor you to anyone else.

Being in a relationship does not mean you lose all sense of self. Have your own interests and friends. At the same time, realize your boyfriend or girlfriend needs to have his or her own hobbies and social groups as well. You should be able to spend time together, just not all of your waking moments.

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9. You can never force someone to change.

This is one of the hardest lessons to learn (mainly for women—we seem to want to change our men). A person may act as though he or she is changing to make you happy, but it might not last long if the person doesn’t truly want to change.

10. It’s not like the movies.

Oh, Hollywood, how you trick the youth of the world with your gold-spun stories of love and romance! We are fooled into believing that finding romantic love is the greatest thing in life. Problems are supposed to melt away, there is no fighting and you drive off into the sunset, a complete person with your mate. Romance can be great, but keeping a relationship thriving is work. Be prepared to work if you truly want it to last.

11. Use this experience as a learning tool.

Sure, you might stay together and grow old with your first love, but if not, use your first relationship as a learning tool. What went wrong? What went right? How could you have communicated better? These are all things we learn from early relationships that help us in cultivating a better one down the road.

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Don’t be frightened by this list. Love can truly be amazing. The thing is, you might not know how to deal with or even know about the negative possibilities when entering a first relationship. Learn from these things and be better prepared when you take that first step.

For those of you who are experienced in the relationship realm, any advice for the newbies?

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Amanda DeWitt

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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