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10 Relationship Myths Worth Sharing

10 Relationship Myths Worth Sharing

Being in a relationship seems amazing from the outside. Holding hands, going on dates, sharing food, being in love and having that one special person with whom to share your life. Relationships can be amazing and fulfilling, but they are not always so picture-perfect. Those images and stories you see on your television do not show you the whole picture. You might want to hear about some relationship myths before diving too deep or setting your expectations on a fantasy relationship.

1. “The romance will never fade if we are truly in love.”

Falling in love is new and exciting. Chemicals associated with pleasure (like dopamine) are running rampant in our brains. As time goes on however, these chemicals fade. We become more comfortable with our partner and the newness wears off. Does this mean you should call it quits? Not necessarily. There comes a time in every long-term relationship when it can no longer run on the new “in love” head-over-heels feelings. To rekindle the romance, studies suggest trying something new together.

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2. “If he really loves me, he would know why I am upset.”

I read this line to my boyfriend of five years and he let out a hearty chuckle. Just because two people are close does not turn either party into a mind reader. This is why communication is so important.

3. “All you need is love.”

As I discussed in the first point, after a while, the “in love” feelings fade. A relationship needs more substance, such as common interests and life goals to survive.

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4. “I know exactly what I want in a woman. Here is the list of qualities she should have and I am making no exceptions.”

Hello there, dreamer! No one is perfect and we cannot custom order our partner from God above. The funny thing is that what we are usually attracted to in a person is the differences. I like the outgoing guy who can make me laugh since I tend to be more of a listener, but some things about that personality type bother me. The very thing that I fell in love with can actually drive me quite bonkers. That tends to happen. We all have our good and bad qualities, so try to be a little more open-minded and forgiving.

5. “If he loves me, he would want to spend all of his time with me.”

Yes, at first you might be love-struck and not able to stand one minute apart. But after that initial love spell fades, you need to remember to take time for yourselves. While you are a couple, you are also individuals with your own friends, families and interests.

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6. “I am only jealous because I love her.”

Yes and no. Sure, if you did not care about the person, you would not be jealous. But beware; jealousies can be brought about from other issues such as relationship problems, not trusting your partner or even a self-confidence issue. Take a step back and evaluate why you are really jealous before doing anything rash, but also realize that if you are always jealous you might need to make some changes.

7. “What she does not know does not hurt her.”

Now, I am not talking about little white lies that make people feel better. The response to, “do I look fat?” is always and forever, “no.” Keeping true secrets on the other hand is never a good idea. A good rule of thumb to go by: it will come out eventually, so better now than later.

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8. “We must be doomed since we fight all the time.”

This really depends on what you call a “fight.” Disagreements or small arguments are simply part of a relationship. Remember how I said that opposites usually attract? This very fact means that each individual thinks differently. Communicating these feelings in a calm manner is completely healthy. Disagreements are okay. When fighting gets out of hand and you are feeling upset all the time, you might want to seek counseling or another way to resolve problems. Of course, if the fighting is physical, get out immediately.

9. “If we are really in love, it should be no work at all.”

Can I just call BS on that? Everything in life worth having takes work. For example, each person likely has hobbies that do not interest the other in the least, but try to care a little bit and encourage your partner. Go to his soft ball game; cheer her on in the crowd as she runs her half marathon. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it.

10. “He just needs to change (fill in the blank) and then I will be happy.”

People do make changes and compromises in a relationship and this is normal and healthy. Forcing someone to change, though, is never a good thing. It does not typically work. A person has to want to change himself before he will put any real work into self-improvement. Also you should never depend on any one person for your happiness. A romantic relationship should bring you a certain amount of joy, but true happiness comes from within.

After reading through these common relationship myths, hopefully you realize those lovey-dovey relationships from the movies are fairy tales. It can be truly amazing to be with the one you love, but it also takes a good dose of work and a pinch of understanding for it to endure the test of time.

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Amanda DeWitt

Writer. Photographer. Instagrammer. Future Educator.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

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