Being in a relationship seems amazing from the outside. Holding hands, going on dates, sharing food, being in love and having that one special person with whom to share your life. Relationships can be amazing and fulfilling, but they are not always so picture-perfect. Those images and stories you see on your television do not show you the whole picture. You might want to hear about some relationship myths before diving too deep or setting your expectations on a fantasy relationship.
1. “The romance will never fade if we are truly in love.”
Falling in love is new and exciting. Chemicals associated with pleasure (like dopamine) are running rampant in our brains. As time goes on however, these chemicals fade. We become more comfortable with our partner and the newness wears off. Does this mean you should call it quits? Not necessarily. There comes a time in every long-term relationship when it can no longer run on the new “in love” head-over-heels feelings. To rekindle the romance, studies suggest trying something new together.
2. “If he really loves me, he would know why I am upset.”
I read this line to my boyfriend of five years and he let out a hearty chuckle. Just because two people are close does not turn either party into a mind reader. This is why communication is so important.
3. “All you need is love.”
As I discussed in the first point, after a while, the “in love” feelings fade. A relationship needs more substance, such as common interests and life goals to survive.
4. “I know exactly what I want in a woman. Here is the list of qualities she should have and I am making no exceptions.”
Hello there, dreamer! No one is perfect and we cannot custom order our partner from God above. The funny thing is that what we are usually attracted to in a person is the differences. I like the outgoing guy who can make me laugh since I tend to be more of a listener, but some things about that personality type bother me. The very thing that I fell in love with can actually drive me quite bonkers. That tends to happen. We all have our good and bad qualities, so try to be a little more open-minded and forgiving.
5. “If he loves me, he would want to spend all of his time with me.”
Yes, at first you might be love-struck and not able to stand one minute apart. But after that initial love spell fades, you need to remember to take time for yourselves. While you are a couple, you are also individuals with your own friends, families and interests.
6. “I am only jealous because I love her.”
Yes and no. Sure, if you did not care about the person, you would not be jealous. But beware; jealousies can be brought about from other issues such as relationship problems, not trusting your partner or even a self-confidence issue. Take a step back and evaluate why you are really jealous before doing anything rash, but also realize that if you are always jealous you might need to make some changes.
7. “What she does not know does not hurt her.”
Now, I am not talking about little white lies that make people feel better. The response to, “do I look fat?” is always and forever, “no.” Keeping true secrets on the other hand is never a good idea. A good rule of thumb to go by: it will come out eventually, so better now than later.
8. “We must be doomed since we fight all the time.”
This really depends on what you call a “fight.” Disagreements or small arguments are simply part of a relationship. Remember how I said that opposites usually attract? This very fact means that each individual thinks differently. Communicating these feelings in a calm manner is completely healthy. Disagreements are okay. When fighting gets out of hand and you are feeling upset all the time, you might want to seek counseling or another way to resolve problems. Of course, if the fighting is physical, get out immediately.
9. “If we are really in love, it should be no work at all.”
Can I just call BS on that? Everything in life worth having takes work. For example, each person likely has hobbies that do not interest the other in the least, but try to care a little bit and encourage your partner. Go to his soft ball game; cheer her on in the crowd as she runs her half marathon. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it.
10. “He just needs to change (fill in the blank) and then I will be happy.”
People do make changes and compromises in a relationship and this is normal and healthy. Forcing someone to change, though, is never a good thing. It does not typically work. A person has to want to change himself before he will put any real work into self-improvement. Also you should never depend on any one person for your happiness. A romantic relationship should bring you a certain amount of joy, but true happiness comes from within.
After reading through these common relationship myths, hopefully you realize those lovey-dovey relationships from the movies are fairy tales. It can be truly amazing to be with the one you love, but it also takes a good dose of work and a pinch of understanding for it to endure the test of time.