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10 Reasons Why You Should Have A Drummer Girlfriend

10 Reasons Why You Should Have A Drummer Girlfriend

1. She knows how to lead

There is a common misconception that drummers provide the back-up beat for a band, when in reality it is the other way around. Drummers set the beat for a song and are crucial for keeping the whole band in sync during the duration of the musical number. If you date a girl who is a drummer, she is most likely not afraid to speak her mind in a relationship. This honesty will only help you grow as a couple and allow you to become closer and more in sync.

2. She has a high IQ

Professor Ullen of the Karolinska Institute researched whether there was a connection between a drummer’s acute performance skills and intelligence, saying that “[t]he rhythmic accuracy in brain activity that is observed when a person maintains a steady beat is also important to the problem-solving capacities measured with the intelligence tests”. It turns out her hypothesis was true and that drummers share a significantly higher intelligence. A smart lady who knows how to rock out and is book-smart allows you to have a partner that is complex and worth sticking around for.

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3. She knows how to deal with hardship with a positive outlook

A recent study by Robin Dunbar, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, proved that drummers produce a significantly higher level of endorphins during a performance than their fellow musicians. This experiment also measured their pain tolerance. The results showed that not only were drummers good at enduring pain, drumming also improved their overall mood. Having a drummer girlfriend means that not only will she know how to deal with adversity, she knows how important it is to have a positive attitude when the going gets rough.

4. She knows how to go the distance

BBC News reported that Dr. Marcus Smith from Chichester University did a test that compared a drummer’s endurance on tour to that of a football player during a game. He concluded that “[drummers’] fitness levels need to be outstanding—through monitoring Clem’s [test subject] performance in controlled conditions, we have been able to map the extraordinary stamina required by professional drummers.” Having a girlfriend who can go the distance in multiple situations is important to keep by your side.

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5. She has impeccable finger control

It is known to be a fact that drummers are able to keep very complex beats with strict hand-eye coordination. This will come in handy for both in the bedroom. Having an active love life will allow your relationship to flourish and it will be hard for you to fall into a rut, both inside and outside the bedroom.

6. She is fine with not being the center of attention

What do Karen Carpenter, Sheila Escovedo and Georgia Hubley all have in common? They were famous female drummers who played with the likes of Marvin Gaye and Ringo Star. They were the ones that kept a steady beat, while their more famous band members shown in the spotlight. Dating a lady who drums will allow you to be with a selfless partner that understands the importance of compromise in a relationship, and doesn’t always think about her needs first.

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7. She has a high level of intuition

For a drummer to be successful, it is important for them not only to have a high level of skill, but an intuitive mindset as well. If they sense something is going wrong with a set, it is their responsibly to set the band on the right path again. Dating a woman that has strong intuition on the stage will carry into her personal life as well – where your relationship will benefit from her insights and observations.

8. She knows how to stand up for herself

As a female drummer, she has dealt with her fair share of sexism in the music industry. Being the minority, she has had to prove herself over and over again and from this she has developed a thick skin and self-confidence that is hard to break. Dating a woman who has these qualities is like winning the lottery for you, because it will inspire you to have more confidence and encourage you to defend yourself when you need to.

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9. She has good (stage) presence

Being a drummer in a band, she has learned to adapt in numerous situations and keep it together when all eyes are on her. This is important in a relationship because she can adapt easily to life situations that come towards her, even when she feels pressure from friends, co-worker or family. It is important to have a partner that can take life’s hardballs with grace, because in turn your relationship will be able to weather any storm.

10. She has impeccable music taste

Being a drummer she knows how to keep a beat and also knows how to recognize a good beat when she hears one. Her iPod is filled with songs that are known for their beats and new bands that you have never heard about, but instantly become a fan of. Whether you are listening to these tunes alone or with her, they always remind you of how lucky you are to have a drummer as a girlfriend.

Featured photo credit: Young woman playing drums outdoors (Focus on the drum) via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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