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10 Reasons Why Some People Have Frequent Breakups

10 Reasons Why Some People Have Frequent Breakups

“Always start a relationship by asking: Do I have ulterior motives for wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring conditional? Am I trying to escape something? Am I planning to change the person? Do I need this person to help me make up for a deficiency in myself? If your answer to any of these questions is “yes,” leave the person alone. He or she is better off without you.”

—Leo Buscaglia

Love is the most elusive factor we constantly battle with; yet we continue to crave for love. However, most of us constantly face rejections. Here are the possible outcomes why some people have frequent breakups.

1. They never fix their perimeters.

The common mistake is that we constantly loose our ego boundaries when we are in love. It’s ok to lose now and then; sometimes losing is winning too. However if it were a habit, you would succumb to the will of your partner leaving all your integrity at stake resulting in a conflict.

Never forget: Do not loose ego boundaries

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2. They literally “FALL” in love.

Love is eternal; infatuation is hormonal; it gives you an initial push—most of us fall for it and whine after few days asserting that, “Love fades away.” Love never fades away, infatuation does. Love is hard work and you will get what you give.

Never forget: “Love is not infatuation”

3. They fail to express.

The lump in the throat is pretty normal when you decide to express your love. Make yourself vulnerable by daring to be honest; you will be surprised by the results. Don’t say that your partner has to understand; be expressive—what comes from the heart touches the heart.

Never forget: If you love someone, express

4. They justify pity as “LOVE.”

Being sensitive is strength, but also a weakness. If someone comes and share their sob story, we tend to incline. It is perfectly all right to love them too, but reconsider several times whether it is pity or love. Pity and love are too different emotions. If you love out of pity, you end up in pit.

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Never forget: Pity is not love  

5. They desperately try to prove their love.

“How can you prove something which is intangible? Most of us desperately try to prove that we love truly, madly and deeply. We have to care and share out of abundance not out of compulsion to prove something. Love is not science to prove; it’s an abstract feeling.

Never forget: Love has to be felt, not proved

6. They love to attain “STATUS.”

Love is not a calculation to conceive all possible balancing factors and take the decision. Love always denies social order. All the greatest love stories have gravest challenges. If you consider your options, love is limited to a business deal and sadly it is not love.

Never forget: Love has nothing to do with social order

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7. They have fixed mindsets.

Mind maps have to be regularly restructured to understand the paradoxes of life. Having fixed mindsets would result in constricted thinking that lead to predicaments. If we have fixed mindsets, we never evolve in relationships because what we argue is just an interpretation, not the truth.

Never forget: There are no truths, only interpretations

8. They try to fill their empty hearts.

“Only an abundant heart can share, not an empty heart.”

Love yourself first and let the love overflow so as to share with others. Empty hearts are craving and conditional, abundant hearts are unconditional and complete.

Never forget: Only abundant hearts can share love

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9. They try to change the partner.

Change is inevitable but cannot be forced. So trust the process, expecting the partner to change is stupidity; love is all about embracing imperfections. Let us not make our partners perfect; let us love them with all their imperfections because they have to do the same for us.

Never forget – Change is personal, cannot be compelled

10. They desperately chase love.

If it is not mutual, it is not love. So stop chasing and manipulating. Love is like a butterfly: as long as we chase, we won’t catch. Once we are busy in our own endeavors, love silently rests upon us. Do what you love to do and the love will follow.

Never forget: Never ever chase love

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

Founding Director, Newlight Cinemas

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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