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10 Biggest Relationship Mistakes Most Men Make

10 Biggest Relationship Mistakes Most Men Make

When a relationship goes wrong it’s usually because both parties are to blame. You may have read otherwise but when one person does something wrong it inspires bad behavior in the other person and vice versa. To all of the men out there, you can’t change people but you can fix the issues that you’re causing and hope that it motivates your partner to fix theirs too. Here are some of the biggest relationship mistakes most men make.

1. You don’t give her enough gifts

This is a common one. After a while it’s hard to drive up the motivation to get your partner something special. Money may be tight or you may not think about it anymore because you have slid into that routine that all couples get into eventually. There is absolutely no point in any relationship where the woman or man in your life doesn’t like getting something nice.

2. You give her the wrong gifts

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    It’s just as bad to give her the wrong gifts. It is a frequent occurrence that men will get their partner a gift that the man actually wants but wants to disguise it as a gift for her or for both of them. After a very short period of time (if you’re paying attention) you will know what kind of stuff she likes. Stay within those defined lines unless otherwise notified. If she likes cloths and shoes and you buy her a pool tarp, you are doing it wrong.

    3. You don’t understand her

    People are like snowflakes. They are all different and that makes them infinitely more difficult to understand. That makes this a more common problem than many men will admit. If you’re having problems figuring her out then you should probably sit down and ask her some questions. If you’ve been trying this long and have failed, it’s probably not a good idea to base your relationship on the idea that you’ll eventually just understand her.

    4. You’re scared or intimidated by her

    Don’t get us wrong. Women can be scary. They can be very scary. That doesn’t mean that they’ll sit there and take you being scared of them. When you’re in a relationship, you’re in a partnership. If the woman feels like you’re only around because you’re too scared to do what you really want then she’ll get rid of you and find someone who isn’t afraid to show her how he feels.

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    5. You put something else before her

    This is pretty self-explanatory. No person ever likes it when their significant other puts work, another person, or anything else before them. You had better believe she has a running tally of how many times you’ve blown off a dinner date because of work or because of your friends. We’re not saying you can’t have a job, friends, or interests but when push comes to shove you’d better make sure she knows she matters the most.

    6. You don’t pay enough attention to her feelings

    When a woman in a relationship is angry, she may not show it like a normal person. If she’s jealous, suspicious, or otherwise unhappy then you’re looking at pretty much the same predicament. Unfortunately it’s your job to figure it out because what she’s doing is essentially testing you. If you notice that something is off you are rewarded with her telling you the problem and giving you and opportunity to fix it. If you let it go, she’ll do the same to you.

    7. You pay way too much attention to her feelings

    If you’re asking her what the problem is every other day or every day then you’re probably looking too far into things. It’s touching and sweet at first but rest assured it’ll start getting annoying. Soon her problem will be you and we both know what happens when you’re the problem in a relationship.

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    8. You don’t inspire trust

    Online affairs relationship mistakes

      As far as I’m concerned, this is the most important item on the list. If you can’t get her to trust you then you have messed up pretty bad. The rest of these are issues that are easily overcome but trust is something that’ll likely be lost forever. It’s a fragile feeling and it’s easy to shatter trust. It doesn’t have to be cheating or outward lying either. If you’re sending messages to another woman on Facebook and they could even remotely be construed as suggestive, then you better hope she never finds out. If she does, it’s game over. The best way to inspire trust and the best way to maintain it is to simply not do anything that could destroy it.

      9. You’re too clingy or wishy washy

      Women love a man who is around frequently but if you’re attached to her hip she’s going to learn to dislike it when you’re around. If she wanted an animal that hugged her leg all day long she’d have kids or get a dog. She needs a partner and especially one that knows how to give her space when she needs it. Also, don’t be too wishy washy. If you have to ask if you’re being too wishy washy then you’re probably being too wishy washy. You can love someone without turning into a total pansy.

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      10. You don’t talk to her enough

      One of the reasons you’re even in a relationship is so you don’t have to go through life alone. If you’re not talking to your partner then why do you have one? Sit down on a frequent basis and talk to the woman. Ask her about her day, tell her about your dreams, and discuss things you guys have in common. She’s not just a person you have sex with, she’s your best friend and partner in crime. If the communication is weak then the relationship is weak.

      Now women, a lot of these can apply to you too. Getting your man that pink, Hello Kitty t-shirt may be fun for you but he has to go out in public in that thing. Sending even remotely suggestive messages to that guy on Facebook and hiding it from your man can inspire just as much distrust as when he does it to you. Frankly, we probably could have taken the gender identifier out of this and made it the relationship mistakes that everyone makes. However, this is for you men out there. If you have a problem, fix it and hope that it encourages your partner to do the same.

      Featured photo credit: A Cartoon Christmas via acartoonchristmas.com

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      Joseph Hindy

      A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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      Last Updated on May 21, 2019

      How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

      How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

      For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

      If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

      Example 1

      You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

      You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

      In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

      Example 2

      You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

      People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

      You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

      Example 3

      You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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      The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

      Example 4

      You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

      Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

      If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

      Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

      • Understand your own communication style
      • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
      • Communicate with precision and care
      • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

      1. Understand Your Communication Style

      To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

      In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

      Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

      2. Learn Others Communication Styles

      Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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      If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

      “How do you prefer to receive information?”

      This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

      To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

      3. Exercise Precision and Care

      A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

      On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

      Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

      I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

      I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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      In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

      The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

      Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

      4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

      Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

      In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

      “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

      Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

      Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

      It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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      It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

      It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

      Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

      Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

      The Bottom Line

      When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

      I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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      Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

      Reference

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