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10 Benefits of Being Yourself That Could Change Your Life

10 Benefits of Being Yourself That Could Change Your Life

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson, “A Return to Love”

The first thing that comes to mind after reading that quote is, “Enough said!” But let’s dig in and pull out at least 10 benefits of you being your awesome self that can rock your world with very little effort on your part. After all, you’ve been you since you were born, you know. 

1. Wherever you go, there you are.

Let’s face it: you can’t even go to the bathroom without you tagging along, so making peace with your authentic self can make every experience on this path of life much more interesting and entertaining. When you’re at peace with yourself, you’re more open to being present, which means you’ll notice and enjoy the intricacies of the “small stuff.”

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2. When you like you, others will like you too.

People can always tell when others are being fake. Not necessarily fake in the negative sense, but fake in general. Maybe you’re unhappy, overly happy, always the victim, or maybe just not living up to your true potential. When you’re in tune with you, you automatically–yet non-verbally–give those around you permission to get to know and like the real you as well.

3. Being you will give you confidence.

Now that you’re trying on your own shoes instead of  walking in someone else’s that are too small, you won’t have to focus on the pain of pretending. You can walk taller, throw your shoulders back and hold your head high. Regardless of your gender, you know wearing stylin’ shoes that fit makes you feel better about yourself and puts a spring in your step. Let that confidence carry you through the whole day–and the whole day after that.

4. Confidence attracts confidence.

Like the quote says, your playing small does you or anyone around you absolutely no good. Your being yourself for the sake of being yourself will attract more authentic people into your life and create a network of supportive, uplifting and even fun folks you can genuinely call friends.

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5. Having true friends helps you silence the voice of manipulation.

When you’re comfortable with you and have people around you who also love you for you, the void of feeling alone is filled and the need to “play” people for the sake of not being alone disappears. You free up space for your relationships to grow and become even healthier than they already are.

6. Being authenticly you allows you to breathe easier.

Hiding and pretending can be emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually exhausting. The more you allow your essence to mature, the less stress will be in your life and the more relaxed you’ll be in every area of your life.

7. Less stress makes you more productive.

You know it’s true. When you’re not stressed out and can focus on what’s going on in front of you rather than trying to live as who you aren’t, your productivity in your work, your play and your life in general will skyrocket.

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8. Those who no longer fit in your life will be free to move on.

Like attracts like, and when you’re able to be comfortable in your own skin, those who aren’t comfortable in theirs may get left behind. And that’s just fine because you’ll have your network of new friends who keep you playing in the big leagues.

9. Being true to yourself will help you remember how to dream.

Surviving each day being untrue to yourself just to survive the next steals your creativity and passion. Allowing yourself to dream again will open doors you deadbolted years ago and lead you to your purpose. Imagine actually living each day inspired and doing what brings you joy. Believe it or not, it’s entirely possible!

10. Everyone else is already taken.

You have been wonderfully made, and no matter what’s happened in your life up to this point you have a purpose that no one who’s ever lived or will live can possibly fulfill. You were born to shine. Hiding your brilliant light from yourself and the rest of the world is an injustice to those of us who need what you have to offer. If you’re still struggling with being yourself for yourself, will you at least consider doing it for me? If not for me, find someone close to you who you know 100% needs you and your whole self and do it for them. We–those of us in this world–need your light!!

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“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~Dr. Seuss

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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