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Don’t Know How to Balance Your Dream With Reality? Ask Yourself These 7 Questions

Don’t Know How to Balance Your Dream With Reality? Ask Yourself These 7 Questions

There are a couple things that all of us hear, undoubtedly, in our lives. One is “What are you plans for the future?” and the other is “You should follow your heart and pursue your passion!”

The former can become very annoying, whereas the latter is supposed to make us feel confident and inspired. I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me to follow my dreams or pursue my passion, I have a tendency to freeze up. How am I supposed to do that? What if pursuing my passion means quitting my 9-5 job and being my own boss? How will I pay myself? How do I survive?

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These questions get scarier and more intense as they are listed out, but no matter how many there are, one thing remains: How would I go about following my passion?

“Follow your passion” is an oversimplified statement.

Despite all the fear and doubts, I’ve learned to believe in myself and take steps to start following my passions. I’ve started out slow; I still have a steady, full-time job. And I make sure the job I’m in allows me to use my right brain frequently.

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I’ve figured out the places I require compromise. I never accept a job in which I work weekends. I need that time to write and be creative. But it’s through figuring out that compromise that I’ve realized “follow your passion” is an oversimplified statement. We need to take a lot more consideration in choosing our career.

Following your passion doesn’t mean you need to be all-in.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved animals. Then I wanted to be a member of the Spice Girls because I loved to sing and I thought they had the coolest shoes. As time went on, I decided I would be a fashion designer and make all my own clothes.

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As I grew up, I grew out of this habit of changing my plans on a daily basis. I’m still passionate about singing, so I have a band. We perform on weekends, which is another reason why I won’t accept a full time career that would require me to work on Saturday and Sunday. I’m also passionate about writing which is why I have freelance work and write novels in my spare time. I can still do things I absolutely love without giving up a steady paycheck. And of course, the long-term goal would be to make those passions my main job.

Feel highly motivated when someone tells you to follow your passion? Wait, you should ask yourself these 7 questions first.

When I sing, people will tell me to audition for a reality singing contest. That’s very sweet of them, because I know it means they think I should be famous, but for now I’m so happy doing music the way I want to do it. And when I publish poetry or other writings, people ask why I don’t do it full time. For now, fear of the unknown sometimes holds me back. i.e. not knowing where my next paycheck would be coming from and when. These adjustments have worked for me, and it’s because I knew what questions to ask myself.

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  • When I think of what I’m passionate about, is it just one thing? If you’re like me, and passionate about many things, honor that! If you feel drawn to multiple talents or hobbies, don’t feel that you have to abandon one to pursue the other. Just because someone tells you “You should be an [insert passion-based career here], it doesn’t mean you should put yourself in a scary position and take a leap of faith any time soon.
  • Am I good enough to stand out from the crowd? Maybe you’re passionate about video game design. There are many people pursuing that very thing, but perhaps you have a natural ability to do something that it takes most people years of education to figure out. Don’t let yourself be talked out of a passion just because there is a lot of competition in the field. If someone tells you to pursue it, they obviously see your potential. Don’t be afraid to recognize it in yourself. And if you feel like you aren’t good enough yet, then how can you focus on improving your skills?
  • Can I really turn my passion into a career? This is the question you probably ask yourself every day. Yes, I love to sing, but if I tried out for a contest, would I lose? I love to write, but if I sent a book to be published, would they laugh at it? When it comes to something you’re passionate about, it takes hard work and dedication to turn it from a hobby into a career. For now, find ways to include your hobbies into your job. As a technical writer, I get to write for a living but still flex my right brain muscles when it comes to creating templates and general documentation. Perspective plays a big part!
  • Do I have thorough understanding of the industry related to my passion? Sometimes, the answer is going to be no. Even if you absolutely love the thing you’re passionate about, the industry that comes with it could require years of training and education. This should not automatically deter you from chasing after it. Make sure to weigh your options before taking that leap. If you don’t feel you know enough today, could you educate yourself tomorrow?
  • Can my passion be transformed in another form? When we are trying to make a career out of the thing we are passionate about, we usually develop a very narrow focus. When I was looking for a job, I knew I wanted to write. So I, of course, looked for jobs that boasted the word “writer.” I never imagined I would fall into a technical writer position, but it wound up being a great way to translate what I love into something I can make money doing. If you’re opinionated, you could be an advice columnist, a public speaker or a politician. Don’t put blinders on when it comes to your future.
  • Can I support myself if I turn my passion into my career? I know it probably seems like I’m harping on this point, but it’s about self-preservation. If you’re able to do something you love, that’s great! But is it paying the bills? Are you able to keep food on the table? Do you have the basic necessities covered and enough cash to go out with friends? It’s sad to think about focusing solely on financial success; it seems like compromising love for a paycheck, but it’s about being able to take care of yourself. So if you’re an artist, and you know you love to create, could you do web design? Maybe you could become a graphic designer. Sometimes creativity is required when it comes to merging passion and success.
  • If I had to do it every day for money, would it still be my passion? When I was in college, I started off as a voice major (singing) because it came with a scholarship. It sounds great, right? I love to sing and now I’m going to school for it, woohoo! But that wasn’t the case. When I was forced to do this thing, no matter how much I loved it, for grades and success, it became very depressing. After all, I wanted to sing classic rock, not Italian arias. I love playing shows now and making money, of course! But the fact remains: when you’re forced to do something, day after day, it suddenly loses its purity and becomes a controller.[1]

Let’s sum it all up.

What it comes down to is self-awareness. It’s key to know what moves you, what inspires you and what makes you want to wake up in the morning. But it’s also important to know when those people in your life, no matter how supportive, need to be ignored. “You should do this for a living!” and “Wow, you are so good at this! Why aren’t you making money?” are rooted in respect and gratitude, but only you know when to pursue something you love and therefore allow it to define who you are. It’s not a bad thing to let a talent remain a hobby. And it’s also not a bad thing to let a hobby become a profession. But know where to draw the line and how to stay happy.

Reference

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Heather Poole

Heather shares about everyday lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

The 7 Types of Learners: What Kind of Learner Am I? What If All the Choices You Make Every Day Aren’t What You Need Most? What To Eat (And Not To Eat) When You Are Suffering From Inflammation! Yes Life Can Be Boring Sometimes. But There’re Some Tricks to Make It More Interesting Why Our Personal Values Matter More Than Ever Today

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Last Updated on March 25, 2020

How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

Habits are hard to kill, and rightly so. They are a part and parcel of your personality traits and mold your character.

However, habits are not always something over-the-top and quirky enough to get noticed. Think of subtle habits like tapping fingers when you are nervous and humming songs while you drive. These are nothing but ingrained habits that you may not realize easily.

Just take a few minutes and think of something specific that you do all the time. You will notice how it has become a habit for you without any explicit realization. Everything you do on a daily basis starting with your morning routine, lunch preferences to exercise routines are all habits.

Habits mostly form from life experiences and certain observed behaviors, not all of them are healthy. Habitual smoking can be dangerous to your health. Similarly, a habit could also make you lose out on enjoying something to its best – like how some people just cannot stop swaying their bodies when delivering a speech.

Thus, there could be a few habits that you would want to change about yourself. But changing habits is not as easy as it seems.

In this article, you will learn why it isn’t easy to build new habits, and how to change habits.

What Makes It Hard To Change A Habit?

To want to change a particular habit means to change something very fundamental about your behavior.[1] Hence, it’s necessary to understand how habits actually form and why they are so difficult to actually get out of.

The Biology

Habits form in a place what we call the subconscious mind in our brain.[2]

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Our brains have two modes of operation. The first one is an automatic pilot kind of system that is fast and works on reflexes often. It is what we call the subconscious part. This is the part that is associated with everything that comes naturally to you.

The second mode is the conscious mode where every action and decision is well thought out and follows a controlled way of thinking.

A fine example to distinguish both would be to consider yourself learning to drive or play an instrument. For the first time you try learning, you think before every movement you make. But once you have got the hang of it, you might drive without applying much thought into it.

Both systems work together in our brains at all times. When a habit is formed, it moves from the conscious part to the subconscious making it difficult to control.

So, the key idea in deconstructing a habit is to go from the subconscious to the conscious.

Another thing you have to understand about habits is that they can be conscious or hidden.

Conscious habits are those that require active input from your side. For instance, if you stop setting your alarm in the morning, you will stop waking up at the same time.

Hidden habits, on the other hand, are habits that we do without realizing. These make up the majority of our habits and we wouldn’t even know them until someone pointed them out. So the first difficulty in breaking these habits is to actually identify them. As they are internalized, they need a lot of attention to detail for self-identification. That’s not all.

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Habits can be physical, social, and mental, energy-based and even be particular to productivity. Understanding them is necessary to know why they are difficult to break and what can be done about them.

The Psychology

Habits get engraved into our memories depending on the way we think, feel and act over a particular period of time. The procedural part of memory deals with habit formation and studies have observed that various types of conditioning of behavior could affect your habit formations.

Classical conditioning or pavlovian conditioning is when you start associating a memory with reality.[3] A dog that associates ringing bell to food will start salivating. The same external stimuli such as the sound of church bells can make a person want to pray.

Operant conditioning is when experience and the feelings associated with it form a habit.[4] By encouraging or discouraging an act, individuals could either make it a habit or stop doing it.

Observational learning is another way habits could take form. A child may start walking the same way their parent does.

What Can You Do To Change a Habit?

Sure, habits are hard to control but it is not impossible. With a few tips and hard-driven dedication, you can surely get over your nasty habits.

Here are some ways that make use of psychological findings to help you:

1. Identify Your Habits

As mentioned earlier, habits can be quite subtle and hidden from your view. You have to bring your subconscious habits to an aware state of mind. You could do it by self-observation or by asking your friends or family to point out the habit for your sake.

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2. Find out the Impact of Your Habit

Every habit produces an effect – either physical or mental. Find out what exactly it is doing to you. Does it help you relieve stress or does it give you some pain relief?

It could be anything simple. Sometimes biting your nails could be calming your nerves. Understanding the effect of a habit is necessary to control it.

3. Apply Logic

You don’t need to be force-fed with wisdom and advice to know what an unhealthy habit could do to you.

Late-night binge-watching just before an important presentation is not going to help you. Take a moment and apply your own wisdom and logic to control your seemingly nastily habits.

4. Choose an Alternative

As I said, every habit induces some feeling. So, it could be quite difficult to get over it unless you find something else that can replace it. It can be a simple non-harming new habit that you can cultivate to get over a bad habit.

Say you have the habit of banging your head hard when you are angry. That’s going to be bad for you. Instead, the next time you are angry, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Or maybe start imagining yourself on a luxury yacht. Just think of something that will work for you.

5. Remove Triggers

Get rid of items and situations that can trigger your bad habit.

Stay away from smoke breaks if you are trying to quit it. Remove all those candy bars from the fridge if you want to control your sweet cravings.

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6. Visualize Change

Our brains can be trained to forget a habit if we start visualizing the change. Serious visualization is retained and helps as a motivator in breaking the habit loop.

For instance, to replace your habit of waking up late, visualize yourself waking up early and enjoying the early morning jog every day. By continuing this, you would naturally feel better to wake up early and do your new hobby.

7. Avoid Negative Talks and Thinking

Just as how our brain is trained to accept a change in habit, continuous negative talk and thinking could hamper your efforts put into breaking a habit.

Believe you can get out of it and assert yourself the same.

Final Thoughts

Changing habits isn’t easy, so do not expect an overnight change!

Habits took a long time to form. It could take a while to completely break out of it. You will have to accept that sometimes you may falter in your efforts. Don’t let negativity seep in when it seems hard. Keep going at it slowly and steadily.

More About Changing Habits

Featured photo credit: Mel via unsplash.com

Reference

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