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The Pain Is Real but You Will Heal: How to Cope with Grief and Loss

The Pain Is Real but You Will Heal: How to Cope with Grief and Loss

The death of a loved one is, unfortunately, something most of us have experienced or will experience at some point in our lives, but grief and loss are not felt only when someone passes away.

A close friend or family member moving away, a divorce or breakup, losing a job, as well as a number of other life experiences can cause feelings of grief or loss. Coping with it is one of the most stressful and difficult things we have to deal with in life, but it is an experience everyone can relate to. It can be reassuring to know that you aren’t the only one going through it.

Everyone goes through the heartbreaking stages of grief.

The five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the normal, common emotions we go through. They were identified by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969.

However, because everyone is different, there is no “standard” way to react to grief and loss.[1]

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Some people will wear their emotions on their sleeves and be outwardly emotional. Others will experience their grief more internally, and may not cry. You should try not to judge how a person experiences grief, as each person will experience it differently.

    Stage 1: Denial

    The feeling of shock when you first find out about a loss can lead to thinking, “This isn’t real”. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It’s a defense mechanism.[2]

    Stage 2: Anger

    Feelings of frustration and helplessness. Thoughts like “It’s not fair” can be common. Even being angry at your loved one who died for “leaving you behind” is natural.

    Stage 3: Bargaining

    Constantly thinking about what you could have done to prevent the loss. Thoughts of “What if…” and “If only…” replay in the mind. You might also try to bargain with a higher power in hopes of reversing the loss.

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    Stage 4: Depression

    The deep sadness you feel as you realize the loss is irreversible. You think about how your life will be affected by the loss. Crying, loss of appetite, feelings of loneliness, and unusual sleeping patterns are all signs of depression.

    Stage 5: Acceptance

    You accept the loss and although you’re still sad, you slowly start to move on with your life.

    The stages of grief don’t have to be in this order, and you might not experience all stages. There is also no set time period for grieving and some people take longer to heal than others.

    And everyone will heal eventually.

    When you’re experiencing those heartbreaking feelings, it’s hard to believe that you’ll eventually heal. But you really will heal. Here are some ways to help the healing process:

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    Confront the painful emotions.

    Try not to bottle up your emotions. Allow yourself to express how you feel. It’s a healthy part of the grieving process.[3]

    Talk about it.

    Talking to someone about the way you are feeling can be very helpful in starting the healing process. Often, people want to isolate themselves while grieving, but being around friends and family can help. Talking can also help you to confront your emotions if you have been unable to.

    Keep up with your routine.

    Loss can make you feel like your world has been turned upside down. Keeping up with your routine can help bring back some normality.

    Remember to take care of yourself.

    When you are grieving and depressed, simple things like eating become an afterthought and sleeping may become difficult. Taking care of yourself and your health will help with the healing process.

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    Don’t make any major decisions.

    Grief clouds the ability to make sound decisions.[4] Try to postpone making any big decisions for a while or get guidance from close friends or family.

    It is important to heal after a loss so that you can get on with life. There is no set time period for grieving, but if you feel that your grief isn’t getting better and you are unable to accept the loss, it might be time to seek professional help.

    Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

    Reference

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    Sheena Vincent

    Freelance Writer

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    Last Updated on January 21, 2020

    How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

    How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

    If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

    Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

    So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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    1. Listen

    Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

    2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

    Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

    “Why do you want to do that?”

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    “What makes you so excited about it?”

    “How long has that been your dream?”

    You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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    3. Encourage

    This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

    4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

    After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

    5. Dream

    This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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    6. Ask How You Can Help

    Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

    7. Follow Up

    Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

    Final Thoughts

    By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

    Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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    Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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