Advertising

4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

Advertising
4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

Have you ever been Emotionally Bullied? Or are you being emotionally bullied? Are you an emotional bully? If so where does this behavior stem from? Is it in your DNA?

Some people are bullied by family members, so-called friends, or coworkers. It is important to identify where such behavior comes from, it can be your surroundings, family, environment, or from life experiences. Emotional bullying does not only affect children as most people like to think, but adults too. In fact, most adults are either emotional bullies or have been subjected to being emotionally bullied at some point. Examples of being emotionally bullied includes talking viciously about people behind their backs, spreading rumors, and gossiping. An emotional bully will attempt to coerce someone else into doing what they want by emotionally distressing them.

The main message of this article will be to help you identify whether you are being emotionally bullied or if you are one. Being able to identify this will put you in tune with your authentic self. The real you. Not the you who others see on the outside but not your inner core. It is important to know the effects of being emotionally bullied and how to ignite the desire to make some changes to your life and relationships.

Advertising

Here are four ways to identify if you are an emotional bully or a victim of emotional bullying:

1. Manipulation 

Do you often find yourself in a situation where you feel as if you are being intimidated into doing something you don’t necessarily want to do? Yet you find it hard to say no.

Consider this scenario: Your partner throws a tantrum every time they do not get their way – there is drama drama drama, until you finally give in and do what they want. Sounds familiar?

Advertising

What is the result: You slowly lose your self-respect and feel outnumbered, sad, and alone.

2. Unreasonable Expectations

You may have people in your life who have high expectations for you. This can be a good thing – even a motivator. However, when expectations become so unreasonable, that nothing you ever do is good enough, then you might be being emotionally bullied.

What is the result: You feel constantly criticized, helpless and powerless. At the end of the day, you feel awful and defeated because you are in a no-win situation.

Advertising

3. The Blame Game

An emotional bully will often blame everyone but themselves for their problems. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.Emotional bullying of this nature involves the bully playing the victim and trying to deflect blame to you (the target) rather than taking personal responsibility for their actions.

What is the result: You start to question yourself and character as a person. You begin to find fault in your morals and values.

4. Silent Epidemic

When I say silent epidemic, I am referring to those being emotionally bullied in the workplace and not speaking out about it. We all have bad days and may show up at work grumpy or in a bad mood. A co-worker or your boss might even snap at you.

Advertising

The easiest way to identify if you are dealing with being emotionally  bullied is noticing if the behaviour is something that happens again and again. The style of workplace bullying is different for men and women. Women are generally more subtle than men are. Women are better at reading emotions, so they’re good at little digs that most men wouldn’t even register: the quick glare, or turning away and talking to someone else.

Now you know how to identify it. And how to deal with it? Self awareness, justification, acceptance is the key.

More by this author

Sheri Leinfellner

Lifestyle, Self-Improvement & Travel Blogging

How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively emotionally bullied 4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

Trending in Communication

1 15 Things You Don’t Need To Apologize For (Though You Think You Do) 2 10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character 3 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time 4 8 Signs That Your Current Relationship Has No Future 5 How to Learn a Language in Just 30 Minutes a Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

Advertising
10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

Advertising

But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

Advertising

Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

Advertising

Read Next