Advertising
Advertising

4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

Have you ever been Emotionally Bullied? Or are you being emotionally bullied? Are you an emotional bully? If so where does this behavior stem from? Is it in your DNA?

Some people are bullied by family members, so-called friends, or coworkers. It is important to identify where such behavior comes from, it can be your surroundings, family, environment, or from life experiences. Emotional bullying does not only affect children as most people like to think, but adults too. In fact, most adults are either emotional bullies or have been subjected to being emotionally bullied at some point. Examples of being emotionally bullied includes talking viciously about people behind their backs, spreading rumors, and gossiping. An emotional bully will attempt to coerce someone else into doing what they want by emotionally distressing them.

The main message of this article will be to help you identify whether you are being emotionally bullied or if you are one. Being able to identify this will put you in tune with your authentic self. The real you. Not the you who others see on the outside but not your inner core. It is important to know the effects of being emotionally bullied and how to ignite the desire to make some changes to your life and relationships.

Advertising

Here are four ways to identify if you are an emotional bully or a victim of emotional bullying:

1. Manipulation 

Do you often find yourself in a situation where you feel as if you are being intimidated into doing something you don’t necessarily want to do? Yet you find it hard to say no.

Consider this scenario: Your partner throws a tantrum every time they do not get their way – there is drama drama drama, until you finally give in and do what they want. Sounds familiar?

Advertising

What is the result: You slowly lose your self-respect and feel outnumbered, sad, and alone.

2. Unreasonable Expectations

You may have people in your life who have high expectations for you. This can be a good thing – even a motivator. However, when expectations become so unreasonable, that nothing you ever do is good enough, then you might be being emotionally bullied.

What is the result: You feel constantly criticized, helpless and powerless. At the end of the day, you feel awful and defeated because you are in a no-win situation.

Advertising

3. The Blame Game

An emotional bully will often blame everyone but themselves for their problems. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.Emotional bullying of this nature involves the bully playing the victim and trying to deflect blame to you (the target) rather than taking personal responsibility for their actions.

What is the result: You start to question yourself and character as a person. You begin to find fault in your morals and values.

4. Silent Epidemic

When I say silent epidemic, I am referring to those being emotionally bullied in the workplace and not speaking out about it. We all have bad days and may show up at work grumpy or in a bad mood. A co-worker or your boss might even snap at you.

Advertising

The easiest way to identify if you are dealing with being emotionally  bullied is noticing if the behaviour is something that happens again and again. The style of workplace bullying is different for men and women. Women are generally more subtle than men are. Women are better at reading emotions, so they’re good at little digs that most men wouldn’t even register: the quick glare, or turning away and talking to someone else.

Now you know how to identify it. And how to deal with it? Self awareness, justification, acceptance is the key.

More by this author

Sheri Leinfellner

Lifestyle, Self-Improvement & Travel Blogging

How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively emotionally bullied 4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

Trending in Communication

1 11 Red Flags in a Relationship Not To Ignore 2 10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When Feeling Stuck 3 Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating 4 7 Simple Ways To Be Famous In One Year 5 How To Feel Happier (10 Scienece-Backed Ways)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

Advertising

The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

Advertising

The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

Advertising

Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

Advertising

The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

Read Next