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10 Signs Your Wife Needs More Attention

10 Signs Your Wife Needs More Attention

Generations of men have complained that they just can’t make their spouse happy no matter what they do. A big reason for this is that men often miss the signs that their wife needs more attention. Have you ever heard the saying, “A Happy Wife is a Happy Life?” Well, it’s true. For the men out there thinking “that’s not fair,” you are right! The key thing to remember is that it’s about balance. You deserve to have your needs met as well. In this article, we will concentrate on the first half of the equation. I can promise you that if your wife is getting enough attention, you will greatly increase the likelihood of your needs being met as well.

Keeping score of how much you are giving is a recipe for problems. Instead, an alternative is to play “all out” and serve one another. You may not perceive her concerns as “worthy” of your time, but realize that invalidating her views will negatively affect your relationship. Creating space to attend to her needs will create a stronger connection and help you to know what to do when she is low on the attention scale. Let’s take a peek at some very important signs that your wife needs more attention, along with some solutions that can help ease the tension.

1. She is knit-picking on things that are “not very important.”

It can be irritating when she has the eagle eye on you and notices everything you are doing “wrong.” You might feel like she is being dramatic and can’t differentiate what’s important from what’s meaningless. Well, if your wife is yearning for more attention, she will often find a way to get to you — even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense. The truth is that even an emotionally-charged connection is better than no connection at all when she is looking to get your attention.

Women have a strong need to connect (silly idea, right?). If they lack attention, they will find small reasons to verbalize their displeasure just to get a response. Instead of being mad, use it as an opportunity to get closer. “Knit-picking” is usually a result of unresolved issues. Clarify what’s breaking down and some possible solutions. It may also help to ask, “What can I do to help you feel more connected to me?”

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2. She starts bothering you when you want space.

Yes, men like “space.” We need it like we need oxygen. It could be a nice workout at the gym or just watching a football game. You may feel like she treats you like you don’t deserve time for yourself, but the reality is usually that she just misses you and wants to feel more important. That’s why she may interrupt you in the middle of a game. She’s thinking, “Does he care more about me or the game?” I know it may sound like she is being a little dramatic or overly sensitive, but women are wired differently than men. Her “bothering” you may be a symptom of a bigger issue. She may even feel a little jealous that you seem to enjoy other activities more than the time you share with her.

The solution is to make her feel important. You may ask her, “What kinds of activities do you like to do that make you feel closer to me?” Be open to what she says and don’t judge her solutions. If you ignore her position, you will continue to see attention-seeking behavior that will make it extremely difficult for you get any space without a struggle.

3. She makes you feel guilty if you do something for yourself.

Guilt is probably the singular, most effective intervention used to alter another person’s behavior in a relationship. If your wife is making you feel guilty, there is a good chance she feels like she isn’t getting enough attention. She may tell you that you are spending too much time fixing your car or on the Internet. When she sends guilt your way, she is telling you on a deeper level that she wants your attention.

Finding time for the two of you to hang out and do activities one-on-one is important. The time you spend alone should always be balanced with relationship-building activities together. Your wife just wants her fair share of your time because she loves you. Is that too much to ask?

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4. Sometimes, it seems like she’s inciting a fight for no reason.

You may think that your wife actually likes to argue — this is false! Unless there is a deeper issue, (beyond the scope of this article) if she is pursuing you in an argumentative way it often means she is lacking attention from you. If you are sitting there and just nodding your head “yes,” but don’t really mean it, you can bet that she won’t be stopping her approach anytime soon. Ignoring the discomfort will just make it worse.

The solution is to stop what you are doing and give your wife your eyes and ears. She may feel like you don’t care about how she feels or are more into your own needs. Create space for a meaningful conversation and give her your undivided attention. Discover what’s wrong and work together to find a solution.

5. She tells you she misses you regularly.

Your wife missing you should be a good thing, right? Well, if it feels like a burden, it’s probably because she is asking you for more attention than you are willing to give. You probably don’t require as much attention as she does. She isn’t trying to keep you locked up or get in the way of your freedom. Women love connection time. See it as an opportunity to nourish your relationship.

Take time to check in with her and see if her “love tank” (aka emotional connection) is empty. Taking a preventative approach is way more effective than waiting until she is complaining that she is missing you. If she stops missing you, then you will have a bigger problem on your hands!

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6. She often says that you don’t love her that much.

I know it seems like you can never give her enough love. She always wants more. I hope this doesn’t scare you, but a woman’s thirst for love never ends. Just like men could always have more sex, women can always use more love.

If she is telling you that you don’t love her that much, it’s a sign that it’s time to get into action. You may not even be aware of what she is looking for. Instead of guessing, just ask.

7. She appears jealous when you spend too much time at work or with friends.

If your wife is telling you that you care more about your job or your buddies than you do about her it, could be a sign that she is feeling jealous. You might think she is making a mountain out of a mole hill, but what she is really telling you is she wants more time with you. Jealousy is a dangerous emotion to ignore in a relationship. If you pretend it doesn’t exist, your loved one may become resentful and you will grow apart.

Talk with her about the disconnection and get clear idea about what “more attention” looks like. Increasing attention takes a combined effort with both of you on board.

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8. She craves uninterrupted time and it seems that you can never give her enough.

In today’s world, uninterrupted time can feel like it’s difficult to find in your relationship. The more opportunities you can create to enjoy one another with no distractions, the better off you will be down the road. The less time you give, the more she will crave. The more time you give, the less she will complain that she needs more time.

If you have children, it’s a great idea to set up at least one night out of the week when you can have a date. It could be at home or away from home. Having dinner alone or a little wine by candlelight will feel amazing. You might even like the extra attention yourself!

9. She tries to bribe you or talk you into staying with her when you want time with your friends.

It may sound crazy that bribing is a part of marriage, but it exists. Especially if she feels like she needs to manipulate you in some way to get you to stay home. It’s a sign that you have been ignoring her for a long time.

Accepting a bribe from your wife can lead to further problems. You are validating a solution that will keep this behavior in place. The alternative is to approach her when she is offering the bribe and ask her what she would like to be different. Arrive at a solution that is a fit for both of you. It may take some give and take, so be willing to be flexible.

10. She makes you feel like you never make her a priority in your life.

This point pretty much sums everything up. In marriage, your spouse should be a priority in your life. If you fail in this area, you will see her approach you in a multitude of ways looking for attention. It’s the main way she knows that you care. Your wife notices if you put her first or if she is a secondary thought. Your behavior speaks loudly. The alternative is to create “us” time and make decisions as a couple. It’s really about being in the game of life together. Once you make your partner a part of the conversation, she will feel heard, and your days of frustration will begin to end.

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More by this author

Dr. Jeff Kane

Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy

10 Signs Your Wife Needs More Attention

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Last Updated on April 23, 2019

13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

“I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

“I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

“I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

“I don’t deserve happiness”

EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

1. Happy People Put Happiness First

Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

The happy person asks,

“What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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“Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

2. Happy People Embrace Pain

I know what you are thinking –

“No one is ALWAYS happy”

or …

“Even happy people get in bad moods”

and …

These statements are absolutely accurate.

Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

How are you currently defining yourself?

For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

Negativity is NOT normal.

The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

It starts with one decision – happiness.

The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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