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16 Signs You’re Not Loving Yourself Enough

16 Signs You’re Not Loving Yourself Enough

Life is too short for us to be always worried about what others think. If we don’t love ourselves enough, no one would. When you love yourself enough, it’ll be much easier for you to achieve other goals.

Here are 20 signs that will help you discover whether or not you are truly loving and appreciating who you are.

1. You’re not feeling free to be who you really are

You don’t believe that who you really are is good enough to show to other people. You put on a bit of an act in order to please others. You try to be who you think others want you to be.

2. You’re don’t feel free to express your ideas

Something is holding you back and is not letting you express your ideas as you wish. There is a voice telling you that your ideas are not good enough and that other people’s ideas are somehow of greater value. You need to learn that your ideas are equally valuable and that people would like to hear what you have to say.

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3. You’re not spending enough quality time alone

When you are alone you do not enjoy your own company. The time you spend by yourself is not quality time. You feel uncomfortable. You need to learn how to enjoy and value your own company.

4. You’re not being honest with yourself about your values

You have a lot of values as a human being. You have many positive qualities that you need to learn to value properly. But many times you tell yourself maybe these are not that important to you, as you try to compromise or fit in.

5. You’re not being true to your inner nature

You do not have the confidence to see your inner nature as a thing of beauty to be taken care of. You need to learn that if you are true to your inner nature the essence of who you are will shine through and effect all those around you in an uplifting way.

6. You’re not spoiling yourself enough

You do not believe that you deserve to be spoilt. You treat others lavishly but when it comes to you and your needs you are frugal. You need to learn how to take yourself out to places you like and to do things that you genuinely enjoy.

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7. You’re not pampering yourself enough

You are not taking yourself out for that special massage that you deserve. You believe it is better to spend the money on something practical for the house. It is better if you learn that, for example, getting your nails or hair done will do a lot more for you and your outlook then you may think.

8. You’re not giving yourself positive feedback

Even when you do something great or are highly successful in your work you do not complement yourself or give yourself a pat on the back. You skim over successful moments in your life and do not believe they deserve attention.

9. You’re not taking pride in your physical appearance

You are not taking pride in the way you look and allowing yourself to flaunt your looks around a bit. You are shying away and would rather people not look at you at all.

10. You’re not taking pride in your intellectual abilities

Although you are smart you do not believe this to be true. You always think that others know more than you do and don’t feel that you measure up intellectually.

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11. You’re not appreciating all that you do

You do a lot for your family and friends. You help them in ways you don’t realize. You do not give yourself credit for the positive impact you have on others.

12. You’re not comfortable about letting others know your intellectual opinions

You have various views on intellectual issues and things you hear in the news. You would like to share your intellectual opinions but you don’t believe that you have enough knowledge to base your opinions on. You think that if you say what you think people will believe that your opinions are unfounded or childish.

13. You’re not happy with the image your present

You think that the way you present is not impressive and that people do not look at you with admiration. You would like to make good first impressions but you don’t feel that you do. All you need is a bit more confidence so that you can walk into a room with a presence.

14. You’re not able to confide in those that are closest to you

You feel embarrassed and slightly ashamed to tell your fears and insecurities to those closest to you. You fear that they may think that your feelings are not valid or worthy of discussion.

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15. You’re not able to open up to those you love

You do not wish to share your inner secrets and thoughts with those you love. You keep personal things private in order to protect yourself. Once more you do not wish to ‘burden’ your loved ones with your problems or concerns.

16. You’re not able to have fun when you are by yourself

When you are by yourself all your fears and insecurities surface. You are not at peace with yourself and you seek out distraction.

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Rebecca Beris

Rebecca is a wellness and lifestyle writer at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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