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16 Signs You’re Not Loving Yourself Enough

16 Signs You’re Not Loving Yourself Enough

Life is too short for us to be always worried about what others think. If we don’t love ourselves enough, no one would. When you love yourself enough, it’ll be much easier for you to achieve other goals.

Here are 20 signs that will help you discover whether or not you are truly loving and appreciating who you are.

1. You’re not feeling free to be who you really are

You don’t believe that who you really are is good enough to show to other people. You put on a bit of an act in order to please others. You try to be who you think others want you to be.

2. You’re don’t feel free to express your ideas

Something is holding you back and is not letting you express your ideas as you wish. There is a voice telling you that your ideas are not good enough and that other people’s ideas are somehow of greater value. You need to learn that your ideas are equally valuable and that people would like to hear what you have to say.

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3. You’re not spending enough quality time alone

When you are alone you do not enjoy your own company. The time you spend by yourself is not quality time. You feel uncomfortable. You need to learn how to enjoy and value your own company.

4. You’re not being honest with yourself about your values

You have a lot of values as a human being. You have many positive qualities that you need to learn to value properly. But many times you tell yourself maybe these are not that important to you, as you try to compromise or fit in.

5. You’re not being true to your inner nature

You do not have the confidence to see your inner nature as a thing of beauty to be taken care of. You need to learn that if you are true to your inner nature the essence of who you are will shine through and effect all those around you in an uplifting way.

6. You’re not spoiling yourself enough

You do not believe that you deserve to be spoilt. You treat others lavishly but when it comes to you and your needs you are frugal. You need to learn how to take yourself out to places you like and to do things that you genuinely enjoy.

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7. You’re not pampering yourself enough

You are not taking yourself out for that special massage that you deserve. You believe it is better to spend the money on something practical for the house. It is better if you learn that, for example, getting your nails or hair done will do a lot more for you and your outlook then you may think.

8. You’re not giving yourself positive feedback

Even when you do something great or are highly successful in your work you do not complement yourself or give yourself a pat on the back. You skim over successful moments in your life and do not believe they deserve attention.

9. You’re not taking pride in your physical appearance

You are not taking pride in the way you look and allowing yourself to flaunt your looks around a bit. You are shying away and would rather people not look at you at all.

10. You’re not taking pride in your intellectual abilities

Although you are smart you do not believe this to be true. You always think that others know more than you do and don’t feel that you measure up intellectually.

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11. You’re not appreciating all that you do

You do a lot for your family and friends. You help them in ways you don’t realize. You do not give yourself credit for the positive impact you have on others.

12. You’re not comfortable about letting others know your intellectual opinions

You have various views on intellectual issues and things you hear in the news. You would like to share your intellectual opinions but you don’t believe that you have enough knowledge to base your opinions on. You think that if you say what you think people will believe that your opinions are unfounded or childish.

13. You’re not happy with the image your present

You think that the way you present is not impressive and that people do not look at you with admiration. You would like to make good first impressions but you don’t feel that you do. All you need is a bit more confidence so that you can walk into a room with a presence.

14. You’re not able to confide in those that are closest to you

You feel embarrassed and slightly ashamed to tell your fears and insecurities to those closest to you. You fear that they may think that your feelings are not valid or worthy of discussion.

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15. You’re not able to open up to those you love

You do not wish to share your inner secrets and thoughts with those you love. You keep personal things private in order to protect yourself. Once more you do not wish to ‘burden’ your loved ones with your problems or concerns.

16. You’re not able to have fun when you are by yourself

When you are by yourself all your fears and insecurities surface. You are not at peace with yourself and you seek out distraction.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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