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5 Ways to Forget About The Past And Move On

5 Ways to Forget About The Past And Move On

People say it is very important to keep in mind things you’ve done in the past so that you can have an evidence for what your life turns out to be. I say history is nothing but history. What you have done in the past has absolutely no role to play in your future. We have all done things or been through situations that we are not so proud of or happy with, which is part of life.

I will be discussing 5 simple ways you can forget about the negative things that had occurred in the past and move in with life.

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1. Change your mindset

If your mind focuses on the negative things that had happened in the past, your life will move in a negative direction. Your life move in the direction of your dominant thoughts, so whatever you set your mind and focus on is what your life and emotions will follow. Instead of setting your focus and thinking about all the negative things that had occurred in the past, all the heartbreaks, all the things you’ve lost, all the not so proud of situations.

Start to recycle all those thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts like: “I am going to be great, I am very intelligent, my history is nothing but history, what is ahead of me is great, nothing will stand in my way, I will be successful, I will not let my past tie me down.” If you wake up every day thinking and saying things like that loud and boldly, then you are getting a hold of it. Before you know it, no one will be able to use your past against you because you are starting to actually let go.

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2. Cut off some friends

There are some friends that we keep that even we ourselves know deep down that they are doing nothing but slowing us down in life. It is not a crime to cut off friendships once you feel it is delaying your purpose in life. For you to occupy your focus with positivity, negative friends have to go. You need to set yourself apart so that you can be where you desire to be. You must stay away from friends that always remind you of the wrong things you’ve done in the past.

When I say set yourself apart, I mean tuning yourself completely out of what is going on around you and focus on yourself and your vision. Doing this can be very lonely; in fact it is a lonely situation, but that is just a price that you can afford to pay in order to be where you desire to be.

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3. Set goals for yourself

One of the most important ways you can forget about the negative things that had happened in the past is by setting goals for your future. You need to acknowledge the fact that it is not the end of the world and you have full potentials of achieving greater things in life. Start to imagine yourself doing big things in the future, going to school, getting that job of your dreams, starting new businesses, finding your soul mate, and more. Set both long and short tram goals, give yourself deadlines and follow up with your progress.

4. Learn to forgive

One of the things that kills us emotionally and mentally is the spirit of un-forgiveness. Holding a grudge against someone is like eating a poison and expecting someone else to die. We all do this thinking we are doing ourselves a favour, but it does nothing but break us down emotionally. The only way you can forget about the past is by forgiving whoever has done you wrong. It doesn’t matter how bad they have broken your heart, If you can look at them and say “I forgive you” with a smile (this can be hard), then you are releasing yourself from the cage you have locked yourself in. Replace the spirit of hate with love.

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5. Stop trying to impress people

Have you ever felt like no one understand you and why you make the decisions you make anymore? If your answer is yes, then it is because they don’t see what you see. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for doing what you feel like doing. You need to stop seeking approval from people and start giving notice whether they like it or not. You cannot please everyone; it is impossible.

Trying to please everyone does nothing but leads you into frustration. We all might have grown up thinking the best way to live our lives is by getting everyone to like who we are. It is just not possible; no matter how good of a person you are, there will always be people that just won’t like you for the sake of not liking you; which is also part of life.

Conclusion

You cannot move forward if you are still thinking about your past. Can you imagine a track athlete attempting to compete in a 100m dash with an heavy backpack? Yes, he’s most likely going to finish the race but he won’t finish it at the appointed time that he we was supposed to. Many of us are ready to run our race, we are ready to shoot for the stars, but there is one thing that we need to do first; we need to drop off that backpack full of shame, regrets, unhappiness, mistakes, failure, broken hearts, grudges etc. When you drop that backpack, I promise you that your race will be much easier to run in life.

Featured photo credit: Vetta Cash via hopeforwomenmag.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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