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If You Want To Be A Great Parent, Just Do These 50 Small Things

If You Want To Be A Great Parent, Just Do These 50 Small Things

Parenting is a tough job. Everyone wants to be a great parent, but no-one teaches you how to be a great parent – you have to pick it up yourself. There are lows and highs, and it can be tough to be the perfect parent every day. The main priority is making sure your child is happy, well-fed, loved and safe.

Check out 50 small things you can do to be an amazing parent.

1. Don’t try to fix everything. Often your child will need your help, but don’t run in to help every time without thinking. Sometimes your child will be able to solve their own problems, and letting them do so will teach them to be self-reliant.

2. Pay attention to your child’s interests so that you can help them to develop their interests.

3. Share as many different experiences as you can with your child. From sports to reading to dressing up, these experiences could turn into future talents.

4. Let your child decide what’s for dinner one night of the week.

5. Remember that discipline and punishment are two different things.

6. Read books with your child for at least a quarter of an hour each day. This is a great way to bond with your child.

7. Encourage family time. This gives your child the chance to bond with their extended family.

8. Admit when you are wrong. After a tough day you may snap at your child. Instead of secretly feeling guilty, apologise to your child to teach them about fairness and honesty.

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9. Accept that your partner may have different ideas about parenting and then make a compromise that you are both happy with.

10. Don’t pressure your child to learn. If they complain repeatedly about their violin lessons, don’t force them to go. This is only making your child deal with stress and worry.

11. Have high expectations for your child, but always remain realistic.

12. Praise your child whenever they succeed so that they know they have supportive parents.

13. Ask your child five “you” question every day, such as “Did you enjoy school?” or “Did you like your lunch?”

14. Teach your child responsibilities while they are young. From putting their toys in their toy box to putting their juice carton in the recycling, your child is never too young to become aware of the world around them.

15. Eat one meal as a family together every day. Your child may not remember each individual meal, but they will always remember the tradition.

16. Love your children equally but remember they are unique in different ways.

17. Don’t label your child. Once you do, it can be very difficult for them to grow out of the label.

18. Be silly with your child. Tell your child silly jokes, and encourage them to make up their own jokes to tell you.

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19. Listen to your child without dismissing their thoughts for being young.

20. Give your child open-ended toys like Legos or blocks. These will encourage your child’s creativity.

21. Savor the great moments. Being a parent is a wild ride with highs and lows – let yourself enjoy the amazing moments.

22. Don’t compare your child to others. They are a unique individual and comparing people is often more damaging than it is useful.

23. Encourage your child to think about their future without influencing their decisions.

24. Keep the TV in the living room. This encourages family time and provides your child with fewer distractions when they are supposed to be sleeping.

25. Keep sunscreen next to your child’s toothpaste, and put it on every morning during summer as part of the same routine.

26. Take your child to different places, like the museum, the swimming pool, the library and parks to to expand their interests.

27. Give your child gifts that encourage their interests.

28. Always put anything your child makes for you on display in your home to show you are proud.

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29. Introduce your child to your most interesting friends.

30. Give your child choices to help them to work on their decision-making skills.

31. Set aside part of your home as a play-space for your child.

32. Accept your child for who they are.

33. Tell your child that you love to play with them, and that it is just as fun for you as it is for them.

34. Tell your child stories about them as a baby.

35. Let your child help you while you are cooking to help them to develop an interest in cooking.

36. Hug your child every day.

37. Put down your phone when you are playing or reading with your child.

38. Remember that when they are a teenager, they will be potty-trained, so don’t worry too much about it to early.

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39. Don’t force your child to hug or kiss extended family or your friends if they don’t want to. They know what they are comfortable with and what they don’t want to do.

40. Keep a diary of all of the funny things your child says to show them when they get older.

41. Practise what you preach – follow the rules you teach your child to teach them about fairness.

42. Have a weekly movie night with your child. This is a cheap, easy and fun way for you two to bond.

43. Trust your gut instincts with your child – you know them better than anyone else does.

44. Get involved in your child’s education by always attending Parent’s Evening and helping them with their homework.

45. Take your child for long walks so they can experience the magic of nature while bonding with you.

46. Accept that both you and your child will have flaws.

47. Count to 10 before you react to your child’s anger or sadness.

48. Buy a joke book and tell your child a silly joke every day.

49. Show your child lots of affection. Hold their hand when you walk together and high-five them when they have good news.

50. Speak to your children as equals and respect their opinions.

More by this author

Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Published on February 11, 2021

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

I’m old enough to remember how the cane at school was used for punishment. My dad is old enough to think that banning corporal punishment in schools resulted in today’s poorly disciplined youth. With all of this as my early experiences, there was a time when I would have been better assigned to write about how to negatively discipline your child.

What changed? Thankfully, my wife showed me different approaches for discipline that were very positive. Plus, I was open to learning.

What has not changed is that kids are full of problems with impulses and emotions that flip from sad to happy, then angry in a moment. Though we’re not that different as adults with stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and stimulants such as sugar and caffeine in our diets.

Punishment as Discipline?

What this means is that we usually take the easy path when a child misbehaves and punish them. Punishment may solve an isolated problem, but it’s not really teaching the kids anything useful in the long term.

Probably it’s time for me to be clear about what I mean by punishment and discipline as these terms are often used interchangeably, but they are quite different.

Discipline VS. Punishment

Punishment is where we inflict pain or suffering on our child as a penalty. Discipline means to teach. They’re quite the opposite, but you’ll notice that teachers, parents, and coaches often confuse the two words.

So, as parents, we have to have clear goals to teach our kids. It’s a long-term plan—using strategies that will have the longest-lasting impact on our kids are the best use of our time and energy.

If you’re clear about what you want to achieve, then it becomes easier to find the best strategy. The better we are at responding when our kids misbehave or do not follow our guidance, the better the results are going to be.

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3 Positive Discipline Strategies for Your Child

Stay with me as I appreciate that a lot of people who read these blogs do not always have children with impulse control. We’ve had a lot of kids in our martial arts classes that were the complete opposite. They had concentration issues, hyperactive, and disruptive to the other children.

The easy solution is to punish their parents by removing the kids from the class or punish the child with penalties such as time outs and burpees. Yes, it was tempting to do all of this, but one of our club values is that we pull you up rather than push you down.

This means it’s a long-term gain to build trust and confidence, which is destroyed by constant punishments.

Here are the discipline strategies we used to build trust and confidence with these hyperactive kids.

1. Patience

The first positive discipline strategy is to simply be patient. The more patient you are, the more likely you are to get results. Remember I said that we need to build trust and connection. You’ll get further with this goal using patience.

As a coach, sometimes I was not the best person for this role, but we had other coaches in the club that could step in here. As a parent, you may not have this luxury, so it’s really important to recognize any improvements that you see and celebrate them.

2. Redirection

The second strategy we use is redirection. It’s important with a redirection to take “no” out of the equation. Choices are a great alternative.

Imagine a scenario where you’re in a restaurant and your kid is wailing. The hard part here is getting your child to stop screaming long enough for you to build a connection. Most parents have calming strategies and if you practice them with your child, they are more likely to be effective.

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In the first moment of calm, you can say “Your choice to scream and cry in public is not a good one. It would be best to say, Dad. What can I do to get ice-cream?” You can replace this with an appropriate option.

The challenge with being calm and redirecting is that we need to be clear-minded, focused, and really engaged at the moment. If you’re on your phone, talking with friends or family, thinking about work or the bills, you’ll miss this opportunity to discipline in a way that has long-term benefits.

3. Repair and Ground Rules

The third positive discipline strategy is to repair and use ground rules. Once you’ve given the better option and it has been taken, you have a chance to repair this behavior to lessen its occurrence to better yet, prevent it from happening again. And by setting appropriate ground rules, you can make this a long-term win by helping your child improve their behavior.

It’s these ground rules that help you correct the poor choices of your child and direct the behavior that you want to see.

Consequences Versus Ultimatums

When I was a child and being punished. My parents worked in a busy business for long hours, so their default was to go to ultimatums. “Do that again and you’re grounded for a week,” or “If I catch you doing X, you’ll go to bed without dinner”.

Looking back, this worked to a point. But the flip side is that I remembered more of the ultimatums than the happier times. I’ve learned through trial and error with my own kids that consequences are more effective while not breaking down trust.

What to Do When Ground Rules Get Broken?

It’s on the consequences that you use when the ground rules are broken.

In the martial arts class, when the hyperactive student breaks the ground rules. They would miss a turn in a game or go to the back of the line in a queue. We do not want to shame the child by isolating them. But on the flip side, there should be clear ground rules and proportionate consequences.

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Yes, there are times when we would like to exclude the student from the class, the club, and even the universe. Again, it’s here that patience is so important and probably impulse control too. With an attainable consequence, you can maintain trust and you’re more likely to get the long-term behavior that you’re looking to achieve.

Interestingly, we would occasionally hear a strategy from parents that little Kevin has been misbehaving at home with his sister or something similar. He likes martial arts training, so the parent would react by removing Kevin from the martial arts class as a punishment.

We would suggest that this would remove Kevin from an environment where he is behaving positively. Removing him from this is likely to be detrimental to the change you would like to see. He may even feel shame when he returns to the class and loses all the progress he’s made.

Alternatives to Punishment

Another option is to tell Kevin to write a letter to his sister, apologizing for his behavior, and explaining how he is going to behave in the future.

If your child is too young to write, give the apology face to face. For the apology to feel sincere, there is some value to pre-framing or practicing this between yourself and your child before they give it to the intended person.

Don’t expect them to know the ground rules or what you’re thinking! It will be clearer to your child and better received with some practice. You can practice along the lines of: “X is the behavior I did, Y is what I should have done, and Z is my promise to you for how I’m going to act in the future.” You can replace XYZ with the appropriate actions.

It does not need to be a letter or in person, it can even be a video. But there has to be an intention to repair the broken ground rule. If you try these strategies, that is become fully engaged with them and you’re still getting nowhere.

But what to do if these strategies do not work? Then there is plenty to gain by seeking the help of an expert. Chances are that something is interfering or limiting their development.

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This does not mean that your child has a neurological deficiency, although this may be the root cause. But it means that you can get an objective view and help on how to create the changes that you would like to see. Remember that using positive discipline strategies is better than mere punishment.

There are groups that you can chat with for help. Family Lives UK has the aim of ensuring that all parents have somewhere to turn before they reached a crisis point. The NSPCC also provides a useful guide to positive parenting that you can download.[1]

Bottom Line

So, there your go, the three takeaways on strategies you can use for positively disciplining your child. The first one is about you! Be patient, be present, and think about what is best for the long term. AKA, avoid ultimatums and punishment. The second is to use a redirect, then repair and repeat (ground rules) as your 3-step method of discipline.

Using these positive discipline strategies require you to be fully engaged with your child. Again, being impulsive breaks trust and you lose some of the gains you’ve both worked hard to achieve.

Lastly, consequences are better than punishment. Plus, avoid shaming, especially in public at all costs.

I hope this blog has been useful, and remember that you should be more focused on repairing bad behavior because being proactive and encouraging good behavior with rewards, fun, and positive emotions takes less effort than repairing the bad.

More Tips on How To Discipline Your Child

Featured photo credit: Leo Rivas via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] NSPCC Learning: Positive parenting

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