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Differences Between Being Happy and Being Comfortable in a Relationship

Differences Between Being Happy and Being Comfortable in a Relationship

You’re probably asking yourself: “What’s so wrong with being comfortable?” While I agree there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable at times in your life (especially after a long day’s work), I want to focus on what happens when you become comfortable and stay comfortable — in your relationship.

As with everything else in life, too much comfort can be detrimental to your overall well-being. And when you’re too comfortable in your relationship, it could end up falling apart.

1. Comfort is indifference. Happiness is fulfilling.

Ever since you were little, you were probably inundated with the idea that when you find someone to be with you’ll end up living “happily ever after.” This notion of “happily ever after” makes it seem as if there’s nothing more to strive for after you’ve met the person of your dreams; you’ll just live out your days in complete comfort. In reality, getting into a routine will only breed indifference.

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Happiness, on the other hand, means that each day is a new chance to explore your love for each other in some way, fulfilling each others’ wants and needs through new experiences that you share together.

2. Comfort is nonchalant. Happiness is exciting.

When you become comfortable with a person, you stop seeking out the exciting moments in life. Things become too casual, and, as mentioned before, routine. You go through the motions of your relationship — dates, dinners, picnics, family parties, etc. — but aren’t really happy about any of it.

On the other hand, when each of these moments creates an exciting memory to treasure for a lifetime, you know you’ve reached happiness within your relationship.

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3. Comfort is ambivalence. Happiness is a surety.

So many of us stay in a relationship simply because it’s better than being alone. Obviously, that’s no way to live. It might be comforting knowing you have someone to come home to at night, but if that someone is just anyone, then what’s the point? Being in love with the concept of being in love is not the same thing as being in love with a person (I’ll give you a second to reread that convoluted sentence, but trust me — it makes sense!).

When you’re truly happy in a relationship, you are absolutely certain that the person you’re with is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you’ll do everything in your power to keep them by your side.

4. Comfort is stagnant. Happiness is always growing.

Think of when you’re most physically comfortable. My guess is it has to do with sweatpants and a couch, right? But when lying there, you’re not doing anything to improve your life. It’s okay to stop and appreciate the moment every once in a while, but relationships need to constantly evolve for them to mean anything.

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Whereas comfortable couples are content with “the way things are,” couples in happy relationships always look toward the future, thinking of engagement, marriage, children, and a life fully lived together.

5. Comfort is easy. Happiness is worthwhile.

Going back to the whole notion of “happily ever after,” we’ve unfortunately been conditioned to think that true love doesn’t take any effort once it’s achieved. Once you get the girl or find your prince, the rest of your life should supposedly be smooth sailing. Well, that’s not the case.

However, that’s not such a bad thing. When a relationship becomes too easy, it’s most likely because you’ve both stopped putting your all into it. You’ve become complacent, ambivalent, and stagnant. Growing together is hard work, and it should be.

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The amount of effort you put into your relationship is what makes all the amazing things that come with it so incredible.

Featured photo credit: Goodluz via shutterstock.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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