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10 Valuable Life Lessons To Learn From Wayne Dyer

10 Valuable Life Lessons To Learn From Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer is a legend in the field of psychology, personal development, and self help. His caring, gentle style of reminding us of the incredible power we have within to manifest our dreams has been felt by millions around the world. Although Dyer passed in August, his message of compassion, love, and courage will continue to live on in the hearts of his students. Here are 10 powerful life lessons we can learn from Wayne Dyer.

You define your path

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” – Wayne Dyer

You will never be able to control someone else’s actions, but you can always control your own. You are not here to respond and react, you are here to manifest your best, moment by moment. Get comfortable always taking the high road, life is better there.

The world is a mirror

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.” – Wayne Dyer

Of course, there is plenty of negativity in the world, but it’s our job not to get consumed by it. Wherever there is war there is fighting, but there are also people risking their lives to take care of one another. Contrary to the news reports, there are amazing, compassionate, and miraculous things going on all over the world, every single day. Be the love you want to see in the world.

Focus on what’s inside

“When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.” – Wayne Dyer

Never get bored of the inside work. Life is won from within. It’s easy to be positive when everything is great at work, with your family, and you just got paid. But what do you show when stress, frustration, and disappointment are running wild in your life? Continue to practice compassion, love, and patience — so, when the times get tough, that’s what you exude.

Surround yourself with great people

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family.” – Wayne Dyer

We can’t always choose our family, but we can always choose our friends. Make the commitment to surround yourself with people who bring out your best, encourage you, make you laugh, have your back, and who you can trust. We are the sum total of the people we spend our time with, so make sure you are around only quality people.

Enjoy your own company

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” – Wayne Dyer

You don’t have to be an introvert to enjoy your own company. Psychologists have found that having regular alone time is actually incredibly healthy for you. When you’re alone, you get to think deeply about your life and tap into your true voice. You can’t fall in love with who you are if you don’t know who that person is.

Enjoy your journey

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.” – Wayne Dyer

We are all working towards something and it’s critical to enjoy that process. It’s very easy to get focused on the result and lose focus on the journey. It’s the skills you have learned, the relationships you have made, and the experiences you have gained that makes the journey worth it. Don’t rush it.

Compassion always wins

“When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.” – Wayne Dyer

Whether it’s in a relationship, business deal, or working with others in general, making it work is always more important than being right. Of course you want to express yourself and be true to who you are, but many times we interpret being “right” with “winning” an argument. The “right” answer always brings peace, even when it’s difficult.

Control your perspective

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

Our perspective directly impacts our attitude. If we find the positives in any given circumstance, we feel good. If we focus on the negatives, we can feel anxious and overwhelmed. If there is a certain task that we must do every day, and we hate it, we will experience pain every day. If we are able to see that task differently, find some new meaning and value in it, then it changes. Our perspective isn’t fixed and we can change it at any time.

Remember that you’re not alone

“If you knew who walked beside you at all times, on the path that you have chosen, you could never experience fear or doubt again.” – Wayne Dyer

Have you ever taken a moment to think about all the great people who have come before you? Whatever it is you are going through or working towards, someone has paved the way — research and study them. You are not alone on any journey. And, when you feel like you are, that’s a sign to connect with the people fighting the same fight as you.

Expect great things

“I am realistic – I expect miracles.” – Wayne Dyer

Expect great things from yourself and from life. Rumi once said to “live life like it is rigged in your favor.” But of course, life will not always seem that way. In order for great things to happen, we can’t just think about it, we must do, and then do more. Great things come from great work. See yourself as capable of doing great things, even if they are small to start.

Featured photo credit: awak.org via mediad.publicbroadcasting.net

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Jeffrey Moore

Director of Student Life, Founder of Everyday Power

wayne dyer 10 Valuable Life Lessons To Learn From Wayne Dyer

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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