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9 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone

9 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone

People these days think that you owe them a lot. That being around them means that you have to imbibe certain things that work for them. But how can you do all that and still keep your self-esteem and self-worth in check? You have a right to do what you feel like doing as long as you have not committed a crime. And if people can’t live with that, whether they are your friends, family or relatives, you should emphasize your space and what you deserve. You cannot live your life according to the standards and expectations of others.

1. You don’t owe anyone your outward appearance

Your body belongs to you. And how you present it to the world is entirely up to you. Whether you have tattoos that are conspicuous and look ridiculous, or dyed your hair to an outrageous color, your body belongs to you. And whatever opinion others have of you is their business.

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2. You don’t owe anyone how many kids you want

Whether you want to have one child, or ten children, or don’t want to have any, it is your right to be the parent you want to be. We shouldn’t try to appease anyone when it comes to such heavy decisions.

3. You don’t owe anyone friendship

You have the choice to choose who you want to associate with. Many times the wrong friendships could be detrimental to your success. Why spoil it because you want to look cool and seem acceptable? If someone doesn’t share your values or has no common interest with you, you don’t owe that person friendship.

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4. You don’t owe anyone personal information about your life

Your life is your responsibility and not anyone else’s. Why should you provide an answer to every question thrown at you that wants you to reveal personal details about yourself?

5. You don’t owe anyone commitment

If you don’t want to be committed to someone or a project, don’t. Feeling that every commitment has to be done because it is a debt makes you a slave. You don’t owe anyone a commitment that will sideline your dreams and aspirations.

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6. You don’t owe anyone an apology if it really means nothing to you

Every apology should mean something to you. If you are asking for someone’s understanding and forgiveness when you are not sorry about what you did and it is really not going to make a difference, it serves no purpose at all. Certain people expect that we should apologize all the time for mistaken actions, but that doesn’t work.

7. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of how you spend your time

Whether you are spending your time playing video games all day or you prefer to spend your time alone, you don’t have to explain why to anyone. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of how best you should spend your time and the intent behind the way you spend your time.

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8. You don’t owe anyone a favorable reaction to what is presented to you

You don’t owe anyone a positive reaction to what they put forward to you. Whether it will make them feel good or not, you should be more concerned about how you feel about something. Honesty should work for you on such situations.

9. You don’t owe anyone an acceptance of the religious or political beliefs

Your belief system should be based on what works best for you. And this should be founded over time based on what you feel is right or wrong. You shouldn’t be coerced into a religious or political affiliation because you are trying to gain acceptance. Validation of such things should come from within and not without.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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