Advertising
Advertising

8 Things To Remember When Dating Someone With A Guarded Heart

8 Things To Remember When Dating Someone With A Guarded Heart

A guarded heart is one that has been through one traumatic experience after another, leaving a person unable to open up to new friends and loved ones easily. However, this doesn’t mean it’s completely impossible. Those of us with guarded hearts are often incredibly caring individuals who have been hurt in the past and, because of this, will do their best to keep their shields up around most people. If you find yourself dating someone with a guarded heart, understand that:

1. We treasure alone time

People with guarded hears trust themselves more than any other person on the planet. Because of this, we enjoy being alone much more than others may. Meeting new people is a draining process because we have to keep our guard up at all times until we are sure we can trust somebody. When dating someone with a guarded heart, understand they would rather spend a quiet night on the couch with you than out with a group of friends.

Advertising

2. We take it slow

Since it’s incredibly hard for us to trust anyone, we don’t dive into relationships head first. In fact, we’re often scared when we find ourselves liking somebody enough to possibly begin a relationship with them. Unfortunately, having been hurt in the past has led us to be untrusting of ourselves, and we will always second guess ourselves when start to be attracted to a certain someone. But if you don’t mind wading into a relationship with us, it will show you’re able to accommodate to our needs.

3. We still fall easily

Just because we take it slow doesn’t mean we don’t fall easily. It’s what got us in trouble in the first place. Those of us with guarded hearts have most likely fallen in love too quickly in the past and ended up getting hurt. However, despite having learned from our bad experience, it’s in our nature to fall for anyone who treats us well from the get-go. Of course, this leads to conflicting feelings of whether or not we can trust the person we’re currently interested in.

Advertising

4. We have trust issues

It should be clear by now that people with guarded hearts have a tough time trusting others. If you’re dating someone with a guarded heart, it can be hard not to take this personally. But if you constantly show your mate you can be trusted, and your intentions are genuine, they will slowly but surely open their hearts to you.

5. We listen more than we talk

Having a guarded heart means we’re afraid to air out our business to just anyone. But we do listen to everything those close to us say. Because we’ve learned it’s hard to trust others, we listen intently to what you’re saying, at times looking for reasons to keep our guard up. If you notice us being quiet during a date, we just want to get to know you before opening up about ourselves.

Advertising

6. We’re sometimes mysterious

Along with being rather quiet, we might be hesitant to text or call you after a date, and probably come off as being distant. This doesn’t mean we’re not interested in you. In fact, it may be the exact opposite. Like I said, we’re afraid to let others in, especially if we see ourselves falling for them easily. We understand we’re sending mixed signals by being mysteriously distant, but we have to look out for ourselves before we pay attention to social dating conventions.

7. We love and hate to show affection

Just like how we fall easily but don’t want to, we often move too fast when we want to take it slow. This may have been part of our problem in the past: we fell in love too quickly, moved too fast emotionally and physically, and ended up absolutely heartbroken when the relationship came to an abrupt end. However, if you take it slow with us, we’re bound to shower you with love and affection when we’re ready.

Advertising

8. We truly care about those we let into our lives

If we’ve let you into our lives, you can be sure we truly care about you. This should be an incredible compliment to those who strive to be as genuine and trustworthy as possible. When we let you in, you’ll find the relationship to become much more smooth, and for us to be much more open with our feelings. Once this happens, be prepared for a long-lasting relationship full of love and trust.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm1.staticflickr.com

More by this author

12 Signs Of Self-Destructive People 7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience 20 Little Signs You’ve Found The One 8 Signs of a Man Who Will Never Ever Stop Loving You 8 Things To Remember When Dating Someone With A Guarded Heart

Trending in Communication

1 How to Be Patient and Take Charge of Your Life 2 What Is Self-Actualization? 13 Traits of Self-Actualized People 3 5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today 4 5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser 5 How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

Advertising

Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

Advertising

But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

Advertising

3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

Advertising

5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

Read Next