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15 Promises All Couples Should Be Able to Make to Each Other

15 Promises All Couples Should Be Able to Make to Each Other

If you’ve found a person you can truly see yourself growing old with, you’re going to need to make some promises to them. It’s important that you keep these promises throughout your relationship in order to continue building a trustful and loving foundation throughout both of your lifetimes. Among others, the following vows are meant to show just how much you care for your significant other, and how dedicated you are to your relationship.

1. I promise to listen.

Relationships are built around communication, and communication is a two-way street. If you want your voice to be heard, you must also be sure to listen to what your mate has to say. Be open-minded, and try to see things from their perspective. Doing so will open the door to true understanding.

2. I promise to learn.

Relationships are hard work, especially if you’ve never been in a serious one before. There is a lot to learn about how to treat a person you love, how to live with them, and how to grow together. You’ll make mistakes along the way, but as long as you learn from them together, your relationship will continue to flourish.

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3. I promise to let you be you.

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to change who you are. And neither does your significant other. Don’t try to change them into the person you wish they were. You wouldn’t be in love with them if they were different. Let them continue on their path, and stick by their side at all times.

4. I promise to let you grow.

As each person in a relationship is still an individual, you should both be free to grow as people, too. Don’t hold the person you love back from following their dreams. Know that they want to grow in order to better support you, and have faith that their hard work and long work days will eventually pay off for your family.

5. I promise to live for us.

Remember, you’re now living for a family, not just yourself. You shouldn’t make major decisions without consulting your significant other—but that’s not a bad thing. Discuss your wants, needs, hopes, and dreams together, and build your relationship upon a common ground.

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6. I promise to find time.

No matter how hectic life gets, you should always find time to spend with the one you love. Don’t get complacent in your relationship. Even after a long day of work, you should always want to take your mate out for ice cream or a movie. Don’t let time slip away; it’s the one thing you can never get back.

7. I promise to work as a team.

Mix up the chores. Do the food shopping. Wash both cars. Don’t ever think of a task as “my job” or “my wife’s job,” “men’s work” or “women’s work.” You’re in this together; act like it.

8. I promise to save things for just us.

After a while, some experiences just aren’t the same without your significant other next to you. You’d never watch your favorite TV show without him or her, and they’d never go to your favorite restaurant without you. Some things are special because they’re only meaningful when you’re together.

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9. I promise to care about your interests.

When you love someone, you’ll find yourself having fun at times you thought you’d be bored out of your mind. Buy tickets to a Broadway show, even if you would never go to one without her. Bring him to a football game, even if you don’t even understand the rules. You’ll end up making memories that will last a lifetime.

10. I promise to show you off.

Never get tired of making it clear to the world that you love this person. Hold their hand in public, and introduce them to new friends and coworkers as “my wife” or “my husband” or “my fiancé.” Talk about them constantly, even when you know it’s driving other people nuts. They’re worth it.

11. I promise to keep trying to win you.

Just because you’ve found “the one” doesn’t mean you can’t lose them. Do something every day that surprises them, or makes them feel worthwhile. Bring them flowers, clean the house, surprise them at work- anything at all to keep things fresh. By doing so, you’ll be proving your worth as well.

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12. I promise to never get into a routine.

Like I said: keep things fresh. Add some spice to life. Try to do something new every week. Take a class together, or go for a walk. Do a puzzle or play a game. Don’t get into the habit of coming home, eating dinner, and just watching TV together. Make memories every single day.

13. I promise to always pick up the phone.

Don’t ever let a call from your significant other go to voice mail if you can help it. Sure, they always call on their lunch break or when they get out of work, but you never know if the next call you get will be an emergency. Show them that they’re your number one priority at all times.

14. I promise to love your family as my own.

When you fall in love, you’re not just adding one person to your circle of loved ones. You also add their entire family, and you should want to be a part of their circle, as well. Learn their traditions, and visit them during the holidays. Be an aunt, uncle, big brother or big sister.And be true to them as you would your own flesh and blood.

15. I promise to keep you.

Keep your significant other close. Keep them with you at all times. Keep them on your mind, and in your heart. Keep them from danger, and keep them from falling. Keep them in your life for as long as you both live.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm5.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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