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15 Differences Between Positive People And Negative People

15 Differences Between Positive People And Negative People

As you know, it is a drastically different experience being around positive people versus negative ones. If you are striving to be more positive yourself, here are 15 ways you can do so:

1. “Failure is part of learning.”

Positive people view failure as an opportunity to learn and get better. They understand that failure is an event, and doesn’t define who they are. Negative people are emotionally disabled by failure because they allow it to define who they are. They fail to understand that it’s part of the learning and growing process.

2. “I can do hard things.”

Positive people love to be challenged. They understand that there is no growth without struggle. Positive people embrace difficulty, and look for ways to overcome them. Negative people love the easy road. Because obstacles increase the likelihood of failure, they try to avoid them like the plague. To negative people, hard times don’t make you, they break you.

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3. “I always give my best.”

Positive people focus on giving their best effort, regardless of the situation. They understand that there are many things they cannot control, but effort is not one of them. No matter what, the positive person strives to give their best — even if it isn’t much. Negative people want things to come easy to them. If they have to try hard, they believe they just aren’t good at it and give up. They are more likely to give their absolute best if they know people are watching them.

4. “She is inspiring!”

Positive people are inspired by the success of others, they look at those who are excelling and ask themselves the question, “What can I learn from them?” Negative people become jealous and threatened by the success of others. To negative people, when others succeed it means they are failing.

5. “What can I do better?”

Positive people embrace feedback. Because they are always striving to get better, they are open to learn anything that will enhance their skill set. Negative people get offended when they receive correction or feedback. Instead of seeing it as means to improve, they interpret feedback as a sign of their incompetence.

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6. “I give power to what I focus on.”

Positive people focus on things they can control. They understand that their happiness is dependent on how they choose to respond to what happens to them. Positive people believe that they give power to what they focus on, so they use it wisely. Negative people center their focus on things they can’t control. For example, they ruminate over past conversations, beat themselves up on past mistakes, and allow their fear of the future to stop them in their tracks today.

7. “People can change.”

Positive people know that the only thing that doesn’t change is change. They believe that they can change, and that other people can change. Negative people believe that people are fixed; therefore, they don’t try to improve because they believe, “What’s the use?” Additionally, negative people don’t allow others to change. Once a negative person puts a label on something, it’s very difficult for them to see it in a different way.

8. “I still have a lot to learn.”

Positive people love to learn. They understand information evolves, and what used to work 10-years ago, might not be effective today. Negative people believe they know it all, and are less likely to welcome new information if it contradicts what they believe. They care less about what’s right, and more about who’s right.

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9. “Let’s go big!”

A positive person isn’t afraid to swing for the fences because they don’t fear striking out. A negative person not only thinks small, but they also try to convince others that their dreams and aspirations are too big.

10. “Have you heard about [insert name]?”

Positive people build others up when they aren’t around. Negative people tear people down to make themselves feel good.

11. “I am my own worst enemy or best friend.”

Positive people have effective self talk. They are aware of the story they tell themselves, and don’t allow their own thoughts to discourage them. Additionally, they are realistic with their expectations. Positive people don’t feed themselves lies about their weaknesses or how difficult the situation is. Instead, they tell themselves what they need to do to succeed. Negative people are their own worst enemy. They struggle to see the bright side of anything, even if they are successful. They are also masterful at focusing on all the negative aspects, and diminishing their own confidence.

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12. “What is my body saying?”

Positive people carry themselves like champions. They are purposeful in the way they interact with people and their facial expressions show positivity. Negative people carry themselves small. They hang their heads, and look down. Just by looking at them, you would think they are mad, sad, or indifferent — definitely not happy.

13. “Teamwork makes the dream work.”

Because they are team players, positive people will get behind and support ideas that are not their’s — even if they might disagree with it. Negative people have a hard time fully supporting ideas they feel won’t be successful. When an idea that wasn’t their’s doesn’t succeed, they are sure to give their teammates the “I-told-you-so” expression.

14. “What’s the bright side?”

Positive people have an attitude of gratitude. They can see the good in a situation, and don’t take things for granted. Negative people struggle to see the silver-lining in difficult situations. They don’t often take the time to stop and notice the positive aspects of a situation.

15. “You’re so good!”

Positive people like to spread positivity. They pay close attention to when others do well, and they are quick to tell them. Negative people say, “Why would I compliment people for things they are supposed to do?” What they don’t understand is, it’s not about the compliment, it’s about showing the other person that you notice them. A simple compliment can strengthen relationships and motivate the person to do even better. Positive people don’t underestimate the power of encouraging words.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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