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7 Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Single Moms

7 Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Single Moms

Single moms have to learn on the job.
The knowledge of what it takes to be a successful single mother doesn’t just arrive in your mind immediately. Rather it takes a willingness to adapt to what is before you. The way single mothers approach life offers lessons for every one of us.

They are independent

Single moms do not expect any handouts from anyone and they do well to give their family the kind of lifestyle and resources that they need. It’s about working hard and sometimes fighting through the storm, to make sure they are able to provide what their family needs. In working hard for everything she has, a single mom is able to inspire her kids to be independent and understand that a major determinant for success is not waiting for anyone to help you out, but going all out to get what you want for yourself.

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They don’t complain

Of course, through the process of making home a satisfying place for her kids to be, there will be tough times. But throughout these tough times single moms don’t complain or start allocating blame for this problem, or that problem. They simply work harder and try to solve their problems, rather than whine or make the situation out to be worse than it actually is.

They stretch themselves

It is tough being a single mother, a provider for the home, and learning new skills can be a frequent occurrence. Single moms don’t settle; sometimes this means they go back to school, participate in a seminar, or challenge themselves with a new form of training. Single moms stretch themselves emotionally and physically to give their children the best. In doing so, they demonstrate a major lesson in life, which is to never settle for being average and to always push yourself towards excellence- no matter what odds you are up against.

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They learn to forgive

Life doesn’t simply hand out rewards to you. You have to earn it. Also, in doing so, you must maintain the right attitude. Although most single mums have gone through pain or a loss, they do not let this rule their world. They let go and move on. They never let adversity harden their spirit. They are positive and want to make the best out of their situation. In life you shouldn’t hold on to a grudge or become bitter about everything around you, rather focus on contributing to the world positively.

They are not wasteful

Being a single mom means that you have to appreciate everything you have and sometimes you have to manage your resources appropriately. It takes creativity to manage money because you understand that some days will be bright and others will be stormy. Some days will be colorful and others colorless. It takes initiative and judiciousness to get through dark periods with stability and resilience. Hence, even when they are experiencing fruitful times, single moms know the importance of planning and preparing for the rainy days ahead. Single moms learn to maximize what they have, instead of focusing on what they lack.

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They learn to be happy

At the end of the day, it isn’t having it all that makes you happy. There is joy to be found in the simple things, like watching your kids grow, seeing them graduate- or finding out that they’ll be starting their own family. It is not about having it all, but being appreciative for what you do have.

They know they are complete, regardless of the situation

You don’t have to look for someone to complete you. Single moms are complete and even if they don’t have a romantic partner to appreciate them, they know there’s no point in breaking a sweat about it. They pursue their dreams. They fight through the storm and focus on their own strength, becoming more confident and sure of themselves in the process.

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Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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