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10 Signs Of Truly Confident People

10 Signs Of Truly Confident People

Confidence is a fruit of knowledge and attitude.

It is a cornerstone of every great success and its cheap version, cockiness, happens when confidence is stripped of either of its parts. Cockiness stinks, doesn’t it?

True confidence on the other hand attracts. But why?

Because the keys to our greatest realisations are often held by confidence. We are all born with it, but sometimes setbacks snatch it away. And so we seek, until we encounter someone who reminds us of what we can be. That someone, or those someones are confident people. You are either one, or on your way to become one.

You can recognise them by their contagious peace, their joie de vivre and a combination of the following traits:

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1. They Display Composure

Composure opts for reason instead of emotions. Composure is emotional control, and emotion control is why confident people are usually the last to panic or the only ones not to.

Although they feel pain like anybody else, confident people approach it by taking action instead of remaining on the receiving end of awful. They imagine themselves as having been through the situation before, and provoke their best reaction by asking this simple question: How would a confident person handle this?

As a result they remain cool, calm and collected.

2. They Are Not Easily Offended

Simply because they know their worth.

Just like calling a cat a car will never make it one, confident people know that they only are who they choose to be. Insults and remarks that do not agree with their self image they ignore, because to them, being defensive is a drain on mental resources. “Why spoil a beautiful smile?” -says every confident person.

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3. They Speak With Authority

Authority comes with knowledge and experience. And like I mentioned earlier, knowledge is one of the foundations of confidence.

It is because I know, or because I know that I don’t know, that I speak. Either way, I know.” From this premise, confident people approach every conversation free of doubt and rich with assurance. That is why their voice shows firmness from the very first seconds of any conversation, which research has shown to be the most critical for perceiving authority.

4. They Celebrate Others

Because they know their place in life, they are not frightened by the light in others. Rather, they nurture it, lift others up and encourage them to stay there. From a confident person’s vantage point, a confident speech comes after a confident sound engineer did his job, to which he was driven by a confident bus driver, who was encouraged by a confident husband. Everyone wins when we all do well.

5. They Are Decisive

One of the biggest fuels of procrastination and therefore failure, is indecision. For example, when questions like “When should I start?” and “When should I approach?” linger for long, they often translate to never.

So to avoid never, confident people choose to choose, thereby setting in motion the happy cycle of decisiveness.

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How does it work? Choices either produce victories which make you more confident, or lessons which increase your knowledge and therefore confidence. Because your confidence is built, choosing becomes easier and you become even more decisive. Thus, the happy cycle of decisiveness.

6. They Focus On Their Strengths

A sure way to beat confidence out of you is to focus on everything that makes you small, rather than everything that elevates you. Unfortunately, that is something our minds tend to naturally do. One of the ways confident people overcome this is by having a list of their strengths, which they happily remind themselves every time they start to feel down.

7. They Take Initiatives

…but you might be thinking this the other way round, so let’s make it clear. Initiatives do not always come from confidence, but the act of taking initiatives builds confidence. By taking initiatives you discover what your limits are and how you can push them, which ultimately puts you in control of the most powerful tool in existence: Yourself. Is it a coincidence that confident leaders are very self aware? No.

If you wish to build your confidence, start things. Most importantly, start small.

8. They Maintain An Open Body Posture

A closed posture says “I’m not sure of your intentions, please do not come”, while and open posture says “I believe you cannot harm me, so come, I welcome you.” That is why people tend to give up their defences in the presence of confident people. They make others feel at ease.

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Although the list of what constitutes good posture has been discussed ad nauseam, like good manners, a little refresher is always welcome. Here are 5 tricks to make your posture more inviting:

  • Lean into conversations, not back.
  • Show your palms from time to time when talking to a crowd.
  • Maintain eye contact with the people you talk to.
  • Avoid crossing your arms during meetings. Instead, keep them apart.
  • When you smile, go all the way. Engage those eyes and forehead. Be genuine.

9. They Are Loving & Humble

Love requires accepting people for who they are since values are always relative anyway. Confident people have grown to love and accept themselves so much, that the practise of it has made them perfect. Hence they tend to open arms, welcome others and smile with and without reason. With them, it is always your day, rarely ever their day. They stay humble.

10. They Never Stop Learning

Let me say it one more time. Knowledge fuels confidence and ignorance fuels doubt. To nurture the confidence which they have worked so hard at building, they keep learning. But learning has other advantages for confident people: It helps them understand others better, understand themselves better and understand life better. Coincidentally, the more they learn, the less they judge others.

In Closing,

Let me say this. Confidence is not a have or not-have. It is not switched on, it grows. Starting the journey is all it takes to have a step into it. From there, the only limit is yourself. Now go ahead and make the step, you’ll find me somewhere along the way.

More by this author

Pat Evrard

Pat shows people how to become their best self and achieve lasting greatness.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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