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17 Common Mistakes Ex-Spouses Make When They Begin Dating

17 Common Mistakes Ex-Spouses Make When They Begin Dating

Let’s play an association game.

Think of something you dread.

What came to mind? A trip to the dentist? Dating after marriage?

Both stereotypically are considered unpleasant. However, dating after marriage doesn’t have to be.

1. Don’t be oblivious to the world around you.

You might think getting informed about local, national, or international affairs of the day and what’s going on in the world of sports have nothing to do with your romantic life, but the truth is: they do.

When you are newly dating, struggling to invent conversation topics that don’t have to do with your children or ex may be a challenge.

Being familiar with current events will enable you to break the ice—and the silence—if the conversation on your date becomes stilted.

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2. Don’t talk about your ex spouse.

An episode of the old TV series Eight is Enough featured the oldest son attempting to date after divorce.

After an evening of hearing about his ex spouse, the woman headed for the proverbial hills, and he never saw her again.

3. Don’t just talk about yourself.

Since the point of dating is to get to know each other, many people erroneously think they should talk about themselves, so the other person gets to know them.

They certainly will learn about you. They will “learn,” correctly or otherwise, that you are “I” centered.

It it okay to talk about yourself; if your date is interested in you, and asks about you, of course, answer the questions. However, people appreciate being asked about themselves too.

4. Don’t just talk about your children.

Again, the point of dating is to get to know each other, not each other’s children.

If someone asks about your children, it’s great they are interested. However, you don’t want to give the impression that if your relationship becomes long-term, your children will be more important to you than they are. Put in-depth conversations about your children on the back-burner until you know each other better.

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5. Don’t wear your wedding ring on the date.

If you are thinking that this should go without saying, I agree. However, I know a man who wore his wedding ring on his date. She is the one who told him to take it off.

I understand that removing a ring you may have worn for years could be emotionally difficult. On the other hand, if you are not ready to remove your ring, perhaps you are not ready to date.

6. Don’t bring your children on your date.

I know a woman who did this too. People are busier than they used to be. Struggling to spend time with your children, spend time with your date(s), and work in or out of the home is time-consuming.

It would be great if you could save time and see your children and your date together. Don’t. As mentioned in Point #4, you don’t want to give the impression that your children will be more important than your partner if your relationship becomes long-term.

7. Don’t meet at each other’s homes on the first date.

Even if the date doesn’t turn out to be serial date-killer Ted Bundy, you could send out messages your don’t want to send out, not this soon. There are plenty of public, well-lit places you can meet.

8. Don’t have sex on the first date.

I don’t know everyone, but I don’t know anyone who hasn’t regretted it.

9. Don’t try and replicate your ex spouse.

Cloning may be legal for animals, but it doesn’t apply to dating. Don’t look to replace the same person you married. There are reasons it didn’t work out. Figure out what they are before you try again.

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10. Don’t use your date as a transitional object.

“Rebounds” are better suited to basketball than dating.

11. Don’t bring your problems on the date.

Your date wants to go out with you, not a “sad sack” or a “wet blanket.”

12. Don’t order lobster.

I have nothing against lobster. As a matter of fact, I love lobster. However, if your date is paying, you will give the impression that you are high maintenance. If you are paying, you will give the impression that you have a high bank account balance or you are trying too hard to impress.

13. Don’t waste the other person’s time.

If you are looking for the next person to swap rings with, and your date isn’t, you might not want to be taking up each other’s precious time.

I recommend having this conversation about whether or not you are looking for long-term sooner than later.

14. Don’t expect your date to change once you’ve spent more time together.

You may be initially enamored, but don’t be initially blinded. Or, you will be blind-sided down the road.

15. Don’t mix-up your dates.

No joke, I knew a woman who dated six men simultaneously. She expressed a concern that she would answer the phone before checking the caller ID, and wouldn’t recognize the voice of the caller. Check the caller ID before answering the phone.

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There was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn’t remember the name of the date he was with. He kept calling her “you.”

Get an app like Evernote. Put each of the names of your dates in a different note with their interests. Check the note before the date, so you remember what their interests are. This serves two purposes. You can ask about their interests, so you seem interested in them. Also, if you are dating more than one person, you won’t mix up their hobbies, jobs, and children, for example.

16. Don’t forget that “Beauty is only skin-deep.”

Model Christie Brinkley and the late actress Elizabeth Taylor are women known for their physical beauty, but they have each been divorced multiple times. Aesthetic appeal does not equal compatibility.

17. Don’t forget to reflect on past marital mishaps before you take the dating plunge.

You don’t want them to reoccur. They say “history repeats itself.” Don’t let that apply to your previous marital mistakes.

Divorce isn’t the only reason marriages end. Whether you are newly divorced or newly widowed, dating can be difficult, awkward at best. It doesn’t have to be—not if you follow these tips.

Featured photo credit: Drink At The BFI by Gary Knight via Flickr via flickr.com

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Janice Wald

Teacher, Author, Blogger, Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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