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17 Common Mistakes Ex-Spouses Make When They Begin Dating

17 Common Mistakes Ex-Spouses Make When They Begin Dating

Let’s play an association game.

Think of something you dread.

What came to mind? A trip to the dentist? Dating after marriage?

Both stereotypically are considered unpleasant. However, dating after marriage doesn’t have to be.

1. Don’t be oblivious to the world around you.

You might think getting informed about local, national, or international affairs of the day and what’s going on in the world of sports have nothing to do with your romantic life, but the truth is: they do.

When you are newly dating, struggling to invent conversation topics that don’t have to do with your children or ex may be a challenge.

Being familiar with current events will enable you to break the ice—and the silence—if the conversation on your date becomes stilted.

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2. Don’t talk about your ex spouse.

An episode of the old TV series Eight is Enough featured the oldest son attempting to date after divorce.

After an evening of hearing about his ex spouse, the woman headed for the proverbial hills, and he never saw her again.

3. Don’t just talk about yourself.

Since the point of dating is to get to know each other, many people erroneously think they should talk about themselves, so the other person gets to know them.

They certainly will learn about you. They will “learn,” correctly or otherwise, that you are “I” centered.

It it okay to talk about yourself; if your date is interested in you, and asks about you, of course, answer the questions. However, people appreciate being asked about themselves too.

4. Don’t just talk about your children.

Again, the point of dating is to get to know each other, not each other’s children.

If someone asks about your children, it’s great they are interested. However, you don’t want to give the impression that if your relationship becomes long-term, your children will be more important to you than they are. Put in-depth conversations about your children on the back-burner until you know each other better.

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5. Don’t wear your wedding ring on the date.

If you are thinking that this should go without saying, I agree. However, I know a man who wore his wedding ring on his date. She is the one who told him to take it off.

I understand that removing a ring you may have worn for years could be emotionally difficult. On the other hand, if you are not ready to remove your ring, perhaps you are not ready to date.

6. Don’t bring your children on your date.

I know a woman who did this too. People are busier than they used to be. Struggling to spend time with your children, spend time with your date(s), and work in or out of the home is time-consuming.

It would be great if you could save time and see your children and your date together. Don’t. As mentioned in Point #4, you don’t want to give the impression that your children will be more important than your partner if your relationship becomes long-term.

7. Don’t meet at each other’s homes on the first date.

Even if the date doesn’t turn out to be serial date-killer Ted Bundy, you could send out messages your don’t want to send out, not this soon. There are plenty of public, well-lit places you can meet.

8. Don’t have sex on the first date.

I don’t know everyone, but I don’t know anyone who hasn’t regretted it.

9. Don’t try and replicate your ex spouse.

Cloning may be legal for animals, but it doesn’t apply to dating. Don’t look to replace the same person you married. There are reasons it didn’t work out. Figure out what they are before you try again.

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10. Don’t use your date as a transitional object.

“Rebounds” are better suited to basketball than dating.

11. Don’t bring your problems on the date.

Your date wants to go out with you, not a “sad sack” or a “wet blanket.”

12. Don’t order lobster.

I have nothing against lobster. As a matter of fact, I love lobster. However, if your date is paying, you will give the impression that you are high maintenance. If you are paying, you will give the impression that you have a high bank account balance or you are trying too hard to impress.

13. Don’t waste the other person’s time.

If you are looking for the next person to swap rings with, and your date isn’t, you might not want to be taking up each other’s precious time.

I recommend having this conversation about whether or not you are looking for long-term sooner than later.

14. Don’t expect your date to change once you’ve spent more time together.

You may be initially enamored, but don’t be initially blinded. Or, you will be blind-sided down the road.

15. Don’t mix-up your dates.

No joke, I knew a woman who dated six men simultaneously. She expressed a concern that she would answer the phone before checking the caller ID, and wouldn’t recognize the voice of the caller. Check the caller ID before answering the phone.

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There was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn’t remember the name of the date he was with. He kept calling her “you.”

Get an app like Evernote. Put each of the names of your dates in a different note with their interests. Check the note before the date, so you remember what their interests are. This serves two purposes. You can ask about their interests, so you seem interested in them. Also, if you are dating more than one person, you won’t mix up their hobbies, jobs, and children, for example.

16. Don’t forget that “Beauty is only skin-deep.”

Model Christie Brinkley and the late actress Elizabeth Taylor are women known for their physical beauty, but they have each been divorced multiple times. Aesthetic appeal does not equal compatibility.

17. Don’t forget to reflect on past marital mishaps before you take the dating plunge.

You don’t want them to reoccur. They say “history repeats itself.” Don’t let that apply to your previous marital mistakes.

Divorce isn’t the only reason marriages end. Whether you are newly divorced or newly widowed, dating can be difficult, awkward at best. It doesn’t have to be—not if you follow these tips.

Featured photo credit: Drink At The BFI by Gary Knight via Flickr via flickr.com

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Janice Wald

Teacher, Author, Blogger, Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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