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5 things you are NOT doing which will supercharge your dating potential

5 things you are NOT doing which will supercharge your dating potential

5 things you're NOT doing to help your dating

    If the prospect of swimming in crocodile infested waters is more appealing than getting back in to dating then this post wont interest you much.

    But if you’re looking to discover how you can become a dating superhero after what has been a disastrous string of dates then welcome along. What you’ll discover here are the 5 things you aren’t doing which will help you supercharge your dating potential.

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    So what do I mean by that? Well, its time you start setting yourself up for success rather than failure by becoming conscious of the behaviors and actions that are currently holding you back from finding ‘the one’. You’re most likely complicating this whole dating thing, in fact I’m sure of it, and if you continue you’ll just end up chasing your tail.

    And as much as you think at times that you’ll be better off alone, deep down you know that life would be more fulfilling if you could share it with the right person. Anyway nature has already decided your fate.

    I’m afraid we’re all social creatures that yearn for deep and meaningful connection and there’s nothing much we can do about it. So it’s time to make better choices, listen to your intuition and up your game if you are to filter through the crowd and meet Mr/Mrs right.

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    It’s also time to put the past disappointments behind you because the longer you live in the past the harder it will be for you to create an abundant future. Want to finally be inspired by the dating game and feel like there are great things on the horizon? Then read on to learn the 5 things you aren’t doing which will help you supercharge your dating potential.

    1. You are not able to learn from your failures

    A wise man once said that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Now I’m not labeling you insane but how do you expect things to be different for you if you are making all the same moves and still not progressing? There are things that you know you’re doing wrong and however much you try to brush them under the carpet you know deep down they aren’t serving you. But if you aren’t willing to accept the truth then how are you going to get different results?  Whether it’s talking about talking about your ex (yikes, don’t do that!), to not making an effort to dress well, it’s time to tell yourself the truth and make a change.

    2. You are not taking time to become a better version of yourself

    Life presents us with endless opportunity to grow and you could do nothing more valuable than committing to a journey of self-development.  Once you start learning more about the person you are and the direction you want your life to go in you will automatically attract people that align with your beliefs. How does this help supercharge your dating?  Well, by being aligned with your purpose you’ll have a clearer idea of the kind of person that you want to be with and this will result in you choosing your dates wisely.  No more time-wasters, just good quality candidates.

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    3. You are not able to look within and therefore going without

    There’s a real you hiding away somewhere which is longing to be exposed to the world. Don’t hide away the person you are in fear of judged.  Look within and be at one with your greatness and don’t be afraid to show it off for all to see. The more disconnected with yourself you are the less chance you have of finding someone suitable for you. What is it deep down that makes you happy? What are the things you love to be, do and have? Be vulnerable, be proud, be you, and watch how the positive energy will flow from and to you.

    4. You are not creating a winning environment

    Imagine if you created a checklist of what you needed to be successful on a date.  Would you say you are doing everything in your power cross everything off the list? Are you going to the right places?  Are you dressed to impress? Are you well-groomed and presentable? These are important factors as you may only get once chance to grab someone’s attention so why not in every moment give yourself the best possible chance of creating a success of your night?

    5. You are not being selective enough

    Set your standards and stick to them! It’s easy after many failed dates to lower your standards and give someone a chance just because they seem nice but would you of really picked them as a first choice?  To avoid ending up being resentful on your way to a date try and be selective and stay firm.  We are all attracted to a certain type and the more you fluctuate from that the more dates will end up with a ‘goodbye’ rather than a ‘see you tomorrow’.

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    There you have it!  A new set of tools to use to master this dating game.

    To your success!

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    Published on May 4, 2021

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

    In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

    How to Spot Fake People?

    When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

    Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

    1. Full of Themselves

    Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

    Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

    2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

    Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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    It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

    3. Zero Self-Reflection

    To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

    Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

    4. Unrealistic Perceptions

    Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

    A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

    5. Love Attention

    As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

    6. People Pleaser

    Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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    Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

    7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

    Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

    8. Crappy friend

    Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

    It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

    The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

    How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

    It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

    There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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    1. Boundaries

    Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

    2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

    Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

    3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

    If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

    4. Ask for Advice

    If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

    Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

    5. Dig Deeper

    Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

    Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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    6. Practice Self-Care!

    Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

    Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

    Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

    Final Thoughts

    Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

    We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

    More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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