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Top 5 Things The Dying Do Not Regret

Top 5 Things The Dying Do Not Regret

Regret is an interesting emotion, isn’t it?

The fear of regret makes us do a lot of wonderful things. It makes us go the extra mile to say “I love you” one more time, and give that special one another hug. It reminds us to enjoy every moment like it was our last.

But the same fear can make us choose unwisely. It convinces us to go back to the ex we just broke up with, settle for less in life and suppress our dreams and desires.

What is it about regret that pushes us to either extreme? How can we differentiate between the good and the evil?

The most convoluted issues in our lives have the simplest solutions, if we listen to our hearts. Does it ever feel good to let go of a dream? Is the walk back to an ex ever as exciting as a hopeful new love? If not, why do we let ourselves settle for less?

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Listen to your heart, irrespective of how big you dream, or how unrealistic your desires may be. Being faithful to your dreams brings with it a sense of freedom and empowerment. It’s a feeling that satisfies the deepest cravings of the soul.

Fear is positive, it gives us the capacity to take an extra step forward and challenge ourselves. However, fear can also be negative if we let doubt creep in and accept that we aren’t the person we wished we were.

Here are a few things the dying do not regret; why they have contentment in their hearts and why the memories of their past overcome the fear of what lies ahead.

1) Falling in love, over and over again.

I’m referring to the times when your heart skips a beat and words refuse to flow, when your mind is enslaved and you become alien to your own feelings.

Looking back, it is nearly impossible to regret falling in love, irrespective of how difficult getting out of it must have been. Falling in love is personal, it’s about you and how it makes you feel. Ironically, it has nothing to do with your object of desire.

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Whether your object of desire is aware of your feelings or not is immaterial and unnecessary for you to fall in love. The days still seem brighter and the evenings just as romantic. Every memory of the moment seems magical.

So, why hold back? Let yourself slip, trip and tumble in love. Because with matters of the heart, it is useless to have your feet on the ground.

2) Forgiving them all.

I am not recommending that you forgive and forget, that might make you return to old habits and repeat mistakes. But, holding on to resentment is unhealthy. Not only does it take up all your positive energy, but it leaves less room for all the goodness awaiting you in the present.

You can’t change people, the only thing we have control over is ourselves. It’s difficult to see the big picture when we hold on to grudges and it makes understanding the other side almost impossible. You don’t have to be right to be happy, and choosing wisely between the two can make all the difference.

3) Overestimating themselves.

Our modest side cringes at this idea, but give it a fair chance. What does it take for a person to take a leap of faith out of their comfort zone? A hint of ignorance, blind faith and believing that they are better than they truly are.

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You have to overestimate yourself to move up. It’s the most effective way to learn about yourself and challenge yourself to take a risk. How else will you ever know what you were capable of?

What is the worst that can happen anyway? You might land back where you started, but at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot. There is nothing fun in realizing, at the end of the road, that all your limitations were self imposed.

There is no excuse to settle for less.

4) Staying connected.

Taking time from our extremely busy schedules to keep in touch with friends and family seems like a lot of effort during our most vibrant years. Yet, it is what differentiates the happy and the not-so-happy over time.

Making new friends is an easy endeavor in our youthful years, but maintaining and nurturing those relationships becomes crucial in later years. It’s easy to let old relationships fade, but it’s those old ties that need the most attention. They will sustain you when the world crashes in on you.

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Learn to differentiate between family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues and associates. Spend intimate time with people that matter and that you truly click with, the satisfaction of an evening well spent is seldom achieved at formal social gathering.

Those in the company of loved ones are said to be happier and more content with their lives. Loneliness brings with it bitterness and regret, which  we all want to avoid in our older years. No one regrets the time they spent laughing with loved ones.

5) Taking a chance.

Taking risks are the most terrifying and exhilarating moments of our lives. Whether it was asking your high school sweetheart out for prom or skydiving, the memories of these moments still make your tummy tingle.

It requires a tremendous amount of courage to take a chance. The fear can be so great that it numbs our senses and restricts our ability to think. But, this numbness is natures way of pushing us through the fear and facilitating the final jump.

Magical things happen when we take such plunges in life. Things that you thought were out of your league become accessible, dreams become reality and the fear of regret is replaced by the excitement of new possibilities.

Life is too short to live with regret. Now is the time to make changes in your life, do what you always wished you could, love more dearly and focus on what truly matters.

Featured photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/powderruns/ via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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