“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” Dalai Lama XIV
Well, that’s good news. If you find your days are gloomy and you are always frowning, you can make changes to get back your joy. Now, take the time to look into your life. As a woman, are you always trying to juggle too many things like an octopus? Or are you expecting too much from a relationship? If you wish to bring back that smile, check out this list and recognize the five don’ts of joy. Follow them and you’ll be on your way to happiness!
1. Don’t be too busy
“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” Maya Angelou
Although responsibilities are inevitable, stress is optional. Let no tension crash your happiness. It’s all about give and take. If you use up a lot of time, energy and effort on your tasks, don’t forget to refuel yourself. Detach yourself from everything and bask in your carefree “me time.” Revitalize!
2. Don’t care about the jokers
“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” Brigham Young
Some people will put all kinds of unpleasant tags on you. Let them. You need to ask yourself whether you agree with what they’ve said. I’d bet you don’t. You don’t need their approval or admiration. Only allow bright and beautiful things in your life. These weak, pitiful jokers don’t deserve your attention. Ignore them.Advertising
3. Don’t be stingy
“Put coconut oil in your hair, exercise, take hot showers, massage lotion into your skin, eat food that makes you feel good, stretch, lay around in bed, and listen music that makes you feel happy. Just do you.” Unknown
You work hard, and you strive to be the very best version of yourself all the time. But, remember to be generous in pampering yourself. Spend time or money to enjoy something you like. Nope… I’m not asking you to buy a 10 carat diamond ring right away. It doesn’t have to be something big. Every little pleasure and thing you do to care for yourself can make your soul delightful.
4. Don’t be too dependent
“Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.” Unknown
Don’t put your happiness into other people’s hands. You can’t always wait for him to give you flowers, gifts and most importantly… love. Learn to be with yourself. Yes, you, alone. Be respectful to yourself. Listen to your heart and wishes and fulfill them yourself. You don’t rely solely on others; you give yourself joy.
5. Don’t belittle yourself
“I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose.” Margaret Cho
No one is obliged to meet the media’s standard of beauty. Comparison will only tear up your confidence and happiness. Now just look into the mirror and ask, “So what if I’m not slim? So what if I’m not perfect?” The truth is, no one is perfect. Love the way you are. And remember, you don’t need to be pretty to be happy; you need to be happy to be pretty.Advertising
There you are! Those are the five dont’s you should keep in mind to be a happy woman. Do you have other tips for joy? Tell us in the comments.
Featured photo credit: Beautiful smile by Worldizen via flic.kr
Last Updated on July 10, 2020
How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries
We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.
We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.
So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?
Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.
Table of Contents
What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)
Boundaries are limits
—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.
Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.
Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.
Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.
Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.
How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life
Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.
1. Self-Awareness Comes First
Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.
You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.
To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.
You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:
- Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
- When do you feel disrespected?
- When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
- In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
- When do you want to be alone?
- How much space do you need?
You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.
2. Clear Communication Is Essential
Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.
Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.
3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame
Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.
That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.
- “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
- “I need…to be treated with respect…”
- “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
- “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
- “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
- “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
- “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”
Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.
4. Consequences Are Often Necessary
Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.
Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.
Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.
We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”
It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.
It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.
Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.
Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.
Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.
The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.
Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.
Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.
They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.
More Articles to Help You Take Control of Your Life
- How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late
- Do You Have to Give Everything Up to Get a Fresh Start?
- How to Get out of a Funk and Take Control of Life
Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com