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When You Have Found The Right Woman, These 10 Things Will Happen

When You Have Found The Right Woman, These 10 Things Will Happen

My wife is a self-proclaimed nerd.  We have comic books in our bedroom, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles poster in our living room, and she can quickly answer any question about Star Wars.  And I love it.  I’ve found a beautiful, smart, ambitious woman who is the love of my life.  She is the right person for me.

We’re also best friends and continue to enhance our lives together.  Most of all, we are deeply in love.  Take it from me- when you’ve found the right woman, your life will change.  Too often we’ve analyzed who that perfect partner will be, despite ignoring the reality that we too are imperfect.

But, that’s the beauty of it.  After all, we are all just people.  When you find Miss Right, they get to know you better than you even know yourself.  It really is true.  When a man has found the right woman, these 10 amazing things will happen.  They happened to me.

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1.  You will share unique experiences.

My wife and I share experiences that are totally unique to us.  Our life experiences are special and we go through challenges together, as a team.  The right woman is the only one able to share those unique experiences so personally.  She will help you and you will help her.  One is not more powerful than the other.

2.  You will learn from one another.

I’ve learned so much from my wife.  She has taught me things about myself that I did not know or see.  We’ve learned how to better cope with life’s toughest challenges.  With the right woman, you will be open to receiving her message and attentive in what she has to say.  After all, you are going to spend the rest of your life learning from one another.

3.  You will build a solid foundation of trust.

I’m not only talking about basic trust, but a deeper level of trust.  When you’ve found the right woman, you will have a mutual understanding of one another.  You will both be honest with each other because it’s the right thing to do.  The right woman will respect you so much that she will be honest and forthcoming.  She will expect the same from you.

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4.  Your thought patterns will align.

I’m still amazed by this.  My wife and I really do finish our sentences.  We also begin to think about the world and approach problems in similar ways.  Individual experiences often become our unique experiences.  We may not always agree with one another, but the right woman will see the value in your point of view.  She will value the person you are.

5.  Your goals will merge.

The right woman is open to discussing what is and what is not important in your life.  She will seek to get to know you better to make sure that both your needs are being met.   She believes that you both have individual goals but are on the same page when it comes to improving your lives.  You will both share a beautiful vision of your future together.

6.  Your love will continue to grow.

I used to think I couldn’t love my wife more than I already did.  The more you get to know the right woman, the more you will love her for who she is.  You accept her imperfections and she accepts yours.  As you continue to experience more of life together, your love will continue to thrive right along with it.  Love has no limits or boundaries and the right woman will prove that.

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7.  You will laugh, a lot.

If your relationship or marriage does not have laughter in it, you have found the wrong woman.  Laughter really is the window to someone’s soul.  My wife and I laugh until our cheeks hurt.  We cry sometimes too, but the laughter reminds us of what’s really important.  Some of our best memories are funny stories that only we can relate to.  The right woman will love to laugh with you.

8.  You will learn to compromise.

When you’ve found the right woman, the little stuff just won’t matter as much.  No longer will you care where the toothbrush is or how the trash is taken out.  It may still bug you a little but doesn’t really matter.  There are too many other things to worry about when you’ve found the right woman.  You will also learn how to negotiate with one another to find out what’s really important to both of you.

9.  Your priorities will change.

As you make your journey together, your individual as well as the relationship’s priorities will change.  With the right woman, she will be open to those changes as you both navigate through the tough times.  You both will accept these changes over time.  As you get older, you realize you truly are in this together- in sickness AND in health.

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10.  You will highly respect one another.

I’m not talking about some sort of hierarchy of respect.  Quite the opposite.  This goes along with love- you value each other so much that you wouldn’t dare to truly hurt one another.  The right woman respects you as a man.  You respect her as a woman.  The right relationship requires just that- a mutual respect for another person as your equal.

Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of everything that will happen to you (my wife would kill me if our marriage was boiled down to a top 10 list).  Mostly, we love one another unconditionally and view ourselves as equal partners.  We’re in this together.

You know that you’ve found the right woman when you wake up every morning smiling, knowing the love of your life is laying there right next to you.  There’s going to be a lot more of those special mornings.  And I can’t wait.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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