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What Being Selfish Taught Me About Myself and Why It’s Okay

What Being Selfish Taught Me About Myself and Why It’s Okay

No one likes to admit selfishness. It means you are concerned only with your personal profit and pleasure. Your actions and decisions are guided by how they will best serve you. The ability to put yourself in the shoes of another person is difficult. It is easy to lose sight of compassion.

This was my truth for a number of years. My relationships and my actions were all about me—how I could get what I wanted and needed from another person, how I could manipulate a situation to make me feel better about myself, and how I could make sure that I was able to control the outcome.

The reality is that the selfishness is still there. My mind still goes to that place of fear and self-centeredness. Now, I have the tools and awareness to act opposite and embrace compassion and being loving to others and in turn, to myself.

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As an active addict for a number of years, I never looked at myself as selfish. In fact, I always assumed I was the victim. I thought, if others could experience the pain and discomfort I felt within, they would need to disconnect, numb out, and not show up for the people and places they cared about the most.

At the root of this were low feelings of self, deep insecurity, and fear.

This manifested itself in removing me from reality. I cared only about myself and what I was going to gain from other people, places, and things.

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When the awareness of this selfishness was brought to life, I began to see the selfishness for what it really is—fear, fear of not getting what I want or fear of losing something I already have.

Understanding my selfishness taught me that it’s time to embrace my fear. It awakened me in my life and brought about a newfound sense of presence.

Here are some tools for embracing fear and selfishness.

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1. Look at your relationships.

Are these relationships ones that are only self-serving to you? Or do you feel an equal sense of love and gratitude? Ultimately, the most fulfilling relationships are those where you equally receive and give.

2. Understand the motive behind your actions.

Are the actions that you take focused around how you will feel better and benefit most? Are you searching for instant gratification? Take a step back and connect with love and purpose. That is the true and most fulfilling motive.

3. Be compassionate to the selfish part of yourself.

Although I wasn’t aware of this selfishness for a long period of time, I still see its presence. It gives an illusion of control and serves many of us to ease sadness or fear. So be compassionate and loving to this part of yourself. Nurture it like you would nurture a small child.

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4. There is beauty in imperfections.

We are all human. We all have flaws. It’s just a matter of your perception of these flaws. If it means you always have a desire to gain something, start giving more. And give more with no expectation. It is truly by self-forgetting that your find yourself.

5. Fear is an illusion.

Fear lives in the baggage we carry from the past or the anxiety about the future. It takes us out of the present moment and leads to a lot of pain and discomfort. Fear is nothing more than false evidence appearing real. As long as we stay in the moment and connect with what is, we can tap into the infinite sources of wisdom we harness within. It is there; it is just a matter of bringing the beauty to life.

Featured photo credit: picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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