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The Hardest Part About Change is Taking Action

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The Hardest Part About Change is Taking Action

I honestly don’t think that anyone out there really strives for mediocrity in every facet of their lives. There are some people that are content with their situation in life, but everyone has something they want to excel in; something they want to be proud of.  Unfortunately, most people don’t have the drive to do something about it. They waste away their time and talents day dreaming of what could be instead of living the life they want.

People are constantly taking the easy road in life: it’s less risky, it doesn’t involve a lot of effort and it’s comfortable. Change requires you to step out of your comfort zone and into the unknown. You have to change yourself, your surroundings even your habits.

Everyone has those moments in life where you look at where you are and the things you’ve done to get there; as a result, you’ll either be proud or disappointed. For those of you who have reached the point where you are wondering, “how did I get here?”, there is still hope.

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Change is difficult. If it were easy, we would all be famous billionaires living in mansions. The fact that it’s hard is what makes change and improvement so great. Improving your life will result in several positive outcomes such as, giving you a better sense of self, making you a better person, mother father, friend, etc. and you’ll find yourself being happier in general. You need to understand that changing yourself for the better won’t take away challenges in your life—it will just prepare you to be able to face them.

If you have tried to change in the past and failed, don’t quit. You can still change and start making a difference in your life. The following tips will get you set on the path to action. When you do these things, you are preparing yourself to do more than just dream about the life you want; you are getting yourself on the path to achieving it. Use these tips as guidelines to make the changes in your life that you want to see.

The first step toward changing is knowing what you want to change and why.

Take the time to sit down and write down your goals. Also write down why you want to change; make this as in-depth as you can because it will be a foundation for you. This is something you will be able to go back to when you are feeling like it’s too hard or you have forgotten why it’s important.

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Tell people your goals.

It can be embarrassing for some people to share with others what’s in their heart; but it’s necessary. In order to change, you have to be held accountable. Letting someone else know what you are trying to do will ensure that you have someone to answer to. Make sure this person is someone who will continue to encourage you and isn’t afraid to ask how things are moving along.

Replace bad habits with good ones.

Stopping something cold turkey is hard, so it’s best to replace the unwanted habit with something positive. If you have a major addiction, there are other steps you will have to take. If it’s just a bad habit, such as looking at Facebook too much, replace that with something like going for a walk around the block. If you are trying to stick within a budget, play a game with your family instead of going shopping.  Find something positive to do that will replace the negative things in your life.

Change is not easy, but it’s easier when you have someone to do it with.

Find a partner, coach, friend or family member who might be in the same situation as you. If you want to start working out, set up times when the two of you can go exercise together. If you want to get up earlier, call each other in the morning and encourage one another to get up and get moving. Whatever changes you want to make, find a way to include someone else in them. You will be each other’s support, can hold one another accountable for what you do or don’t do.

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Get rid of distractions.

There are things everywhere in our houses, our workplaces, and even our schools that can and will distract us from changing into the kind of people we want to be. Our phones, computers, iPads, etc. are all wonderful tools that we have at our disposal, but they can also hinder us. We spend so much time texting, emailing and checking various social media platforms. That is time that could be used doing something productive. Limit the amount of time you spend on the computer. Set an alarm and when it goes off, you’re done.

Turn off the TV.

I know so many people who have the TV on in the background while they are trying to get stuff done. I am guilty of this. In the past I would turn on a movie while I was trying to work or clean the house, but every time, I would find myself sitting on the couch watching instead of being up and moving. I decided to listen to audio books instead: that way I don’t have anything visual distracting me from the things I need to get done but I still have something entertaining or educational to listen to.

Only say positive things to yourself.

When you fail it’s easy to point out everything you did wrong, but that is so discouraging. Instead, say to yourself, “I can do hard things.”  You have the ability to change, you just have to believe in yourself. Don’t beat yourself down.

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Serve other people.

It’s funny how service works: you go out expecting to help someone else in need and you end up helping yourself. When you serve others, you feel better about yourself, you make a difference in someone’s life, and you give back to the community.

Recognize the good things you do, no matter how small.

Many people might skip this step because it feels arrogant and prideful. IT’S NOT! Changing yourself is about evaluating where you are in life, what you’re doing and why you’re doing those things. When you make a change, even if it’s something simple, acknowledge it, don’t brush it off like it doesn’t mean anything. It means everything!  It means that you’re actually doing it, you’re changing.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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