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Starting Today You Can Have Your Self-Confidence Back If You Stop Telling Yourself These Lies

Starting Today You Can Have Your Self-Confidence Back If You Stop Telling Yourself These Lies

What is it about our minds and the incessant voices in our heads that want us to believe everything we see hear and think about?

If you are anything like me, there is a battle than can rage inside your head going back and forth from positive to negative and between what’s true and what’s not.  It’s almost as if it isn’t enough that other people can bring this kind torture to us without us bringing it upon ourselves.

Since children we are conditioned to believe certain things, that we can only do what other’s say we can do and that life has limits and if we ever go beyond then, well who knows what will happen!  Our lives are built on fear, fear of failure, rejection and now fear of never fully getting what we truly want in this beautiful once in a lifetime life!

That’s why this is so important; because if we stop telling these lies, limiting our choices and chances we can all live an abundant, love fuelled and exciting life, we can all believe that our dreams are possible and that doesn’t have to be a constant struggle.

To believe in yourself is 100% important and it’s those little lies that turn into doubts  which can chip away at you and your self-confidence, so be sure to look at the following 7 examples of lies that you tell yourself and how to deal with them.

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Your dreams are unrealistic and impossible to achieve

Why is it that as human’s we are compelled to root for the underdog the person who has everything against them but they still achieve the impossible?  It’s because we relate, we want to do the exact same things yet we stop ourselves because we think it’s impossible.

We wait for something to happen to us or change our lives instead of going out there and getting it for ourselves.  So ask yourself this, why are you waiting for permission to do what you’ve always wanted to do?  Give yourself the permission and believe it is possible, do it today your self-confidence needs you!

You are not worthy of love

I just don’t get it when people believe this.  We were all brought into this world through love, one way or another.   The biggest love of all is our love of ourselves which over the years may have taken a huge battering from our peers or authority figures.

When your self-confidence is at an all-time low it can be pretty hard imagining that someone can love you.  But that’s where it starts, if you love yourself then others will follow suit.  Self-love is totally within your control, you can choose whether someone or something in your life is good or bad for you. You’ll gain more self-confidence the more you love yourself and the more that grows the more love will come your way.

You are worthy of love, everyone is worthy of love make no bones about it.

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You do not deserve happiness

Happiness is available for everyone, we were born to be happy and because of that it is abundant and ever present.   Never let anyone or anything tell you otherwise and remember that delaying happiness when you achieve a certain goal, or get that dream job or meet the perfect partner is just silly.  Enjoy each day as they come, live in the present moment and most of all be grateful for all that you have.

Being happy on the inside creates better self-confidence because you know that you are all you need to be happy not external things or circumstances.  So go be happy and smile, life is way too short to be miserable!

Your circumstances do not define your success

If people like J K Rowling, Martin Luther King and Oprah Winfrey all believed that their circumstances prior to making it big, were going to hinder their success in the future they wouldn’t be so successful as they are today.

Your current circumstances do not define you or your success. You define you. If you continue to let your past failures affect your future your self-confidence will wither away and die.  You will be on an endless cycle of defeat and negativity.  You’ve got to believe that through whatever challenge comes up or difficulty that will emerge that you can still achieve your dreams and desires.

You are not enough

Who has told you this other than yourself?  You may have been fed these lies in your past and yet you still continue to believe them, for what reason?

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Each day you can be a better person than you were the day before.  You can choose to be kind, caring and loving or you can chose to believe that you are not enough and drag everyone along on the miserable journey with you.

Everyone is more than good enough. You are intelligent, you are beautiful, you are resourceful and you are strong. You are good enough!  You have to believe this before anyone else will believe it and even if they don’t who cares!

You are not special or unique

This has to be the biggest lie of all because there is no one on this god given earth more unique than you.  There is no one else here like you, not in their looks, their body, their personality or their capability to succeed.

We were all born to fulfill our own purpose, every single one of us, and it is up to you to work out what that it.  This makes you special and unique.  You have to embrace who you are, flaws, quirks, oddities and everything!

Never believe you are not special, you are and don’t you forget it!

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You are not worthy of being wealthy

Wealth can mean many things to many people.  It can be defined in monetary value, in relationships, love and it can be defined in inner peace and way of life.  It is 100% your personal choice what it means to you.

If you think you are not worth of the wealth you desire, ask yourself what kind of beliefs do you have around money or whatever it is.  Question these beliefs and create a new story on acquiring new beliefs and the wealth you want.

You know we all deserve so much more than we expect as there is abundance in all this. Our self- confidence is dictated by our beliefs and what stories we decide to tell ourselves. So from today promise yourself you will tell better more positive stories.  You have one life so make sure it’s a good one.

You deserve it.

 

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Paula Lawes

Paula loves people and connecting. She writes about communication and relationships tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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