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Starting Today You Can Have Your Self-Confidence Back If You Stop Telling Yourself These Lies

Starting Today You Can Have Your Self-Confidence Back If You Stop Telling Yourself These Lies

What is it about our minds and the incessant voices in our heads that want us to believe everything we see hear and think about?

If you are anything like me, there is a battle than can rage inside your head going back and forth from positive to negative and between what’s true and what’s not.  It’s almost as if it isn’t enough that other people can bring this kind torture to us without us bringing it upon ourselves.

Since children we are conditioned to believe certain things, that we can only do what other’s say we can do and that life has limits and if we ever go beyond then, well who knows what will happen!  Our lives are built on fear, fear of failure, rejection and now fear of never fully getting what we truly want in this beautiful once in a lifetime life!

That’s why this is so important; because if we stop telling these lies, limiting our choices and chances we can all live an abundant, love fuelled and exciting life, we can all believe that our dreams are possible and that doesn’t have to be a constant struggle.

To believe in yourself is 100% important and it’s those little lies that turn into doubts  which can chip away at you and your self-confidence, so be sure to look at the following 7 examples of lies that you tell yourself and how to deal with them.

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Your dreams are unrealistic and impossible to achieve

Why is it that as human’s we are compelled to root for the underdog the person who has everything against them but they still achieve the impossible?  It’s because we relate, we want to do the exact same things yet we stop ourselves because we think it’s impossible.

We wait for something to happen to us or change our lives instead of going out there and getting it for ourselves.  So ask yourself this, why are you waiting for permission to do what you’ve always wanted to do?  Give yourself the permission and believe it is possible, do it today your self-confidence needs you!

You are not worthy of love

I just don’t get it when people believe this.  We were all brought into this world through love, one way or another.   The biggest love of all is our love of ourselves which over the years may have taken a huge battering from our peers or authority figures.

When your self-confidence is at an all-time low it can be pretty hard imagining that someone can love you.  But that’s where it starts, if you love yourself then others will follow suit.  Self-love is totally within your control, you can choose whether someone or something in your life is good or bad for you. You’ll gain more self-confidence the more you love yourself and the more that grows the more love will come your way.

You are worthy of love, everyone is worthy of love make no bones about it.

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You do not deserve happiness

Happiness is available for everyone, we were born to be happy and because of that it is abundant and ever present.   Never let anyone or anything tell you otherwise and remember that delaying happiness when you achieve a certain goal, or get that dream job or meet the perfect partner is just silly.  Enjoy each day as they come, live in the present moment and most of all be grateful for all that you have.

Being happy on the inside creates better self-confidence because you know that you are all you need to be happy not external things or circumstances.  So go be happy and smile, life is way too short to be miserable!

Your circumstances do not define your success

If people like J K Rowling, Martin Luther King and Oprah Winfrey all believed that their circumstances prior to making it big, were going to hinder their success in the future they wouldn’t be so successful as they are today.

Your current circumstances do not define you or your success. You define you. If you continue to let your past failures affect your future your self-confidence will wither away and die.  You will be on an endless cycle of defeat and negativity.  You’ve got to believe that through whatever challenge comes up or difficulty that will emerge that you can still achieve your dreams and desires.

You are not enough

Who has told you this other than yourself?  You may have been fed these lies in your past and yet you still continue to believe them, for what reason?

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Each day you can be a better person than you were the day before.  You can choose to be kind, caring and loving or you can chose to believe that you are not enough and drag everyone along on the miserable journey with you.

Everyone is more than good enough. You are intelligent, you are beautiful, you are resourceful and you are strong. You are good enough!  You have to believe this before anyone else will believe it and even if they don’t who cares!

You are not special or unique

This has to be the biggest lie of all because there is no one on this god given earth more unique than you.  There is no one else here like you, not in their looks, their body, their personality or their capability to succeed.

We were all born to fulfill our own purpose, every single one of us, and it is up to you to work out what that it.  This makes you special and unique.  You have to embrace who you are, flaws, quirks, oddities and everything!

Never believe you are not special, you are and don’t you forget it!

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You are not worthy of being wealthy

Wealth can mean many things to many people.  It can be defined in monetary value, in relationships, love and it can be defined in inner peace and way of life.  It is 100% your personal choice what it means to you.

If you think you are not worth of the wealth you desire, ask yourself what kind of beliefs do you have around money or whatever it is.  Question these beliefs and create a new story on acquiring new beliefs and the wealth you want.

You know we all deserve so much more than we expect as there is abundance in all this. Our self- confidence is dictated by our beliefs and what stories we decide to tell ourselves. So from today promise yourself you will tell better more positive stories.  You have one life so make sure it’s a good one.

You deserve it.

 

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Paula Lawes

Paula loves people and connecting. She writes about communication and relationships tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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