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4 Things You Should Never Tolerate

4 Things You Should Never Tolerate

Compassion is an important (and incredibly sexy) trait – it’s the basis of tolerance, which everyone should have for each other. It’s difficult having a blanket of compassion and tolerance for people, but it’s necessary in order to create a world in which we can all live in harmony. While we should all practice compassion in all of our dealings, here are four things you should never tolerate under any circumstances:

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    Hatred

    Sexism. Racism. Ageism. Religious persecution. It’s amazing how many ways people find to label and hate each other. What’s the point of hate? Has hating someone ever accomplished anything for you? I’ve never thought to myself, “It’s a good thing I hated ___, otherwise, I never would’ve ___.” Hatred contributes nothing to the human collective. Consider the words of Mahatma Gandhi: “A man is but the product of his thoughts—what he thinks, he becomes.”

    If you fill your thoughts with hate, there won’t be room for love; even if you find someone to love who’s willing to love you back, your hatred will eventually replace the love you have for each other. It works like this: if all you think about is negative, you’ll become a negative person. While you’re out with your friends, you’ll be focusing on what’s bothering you instead of experiencing and enjoying the present moment. Just because you’re lost in your thoughts doesn’t mean the entire world suddenly stops—you’ll exist in everyone else’s present moment as a downer who’s frowning, angry, and dragging the energy down around them. Nobody wants to be around a negative person.

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    To make matters worse, your hatred will manifest itself in all the wrong ways. You may be mad at your mom for breaking up a party, but while you’re sulking about it in public, you’ll encounter random strangers. These people have no idea who you are or what you’re going through; all they see is some angry person walking down the street. One of them may greet you, but you’ll be too wrapped up in your thoughts to notice. The person you ignored may think they’re the strange one and stop greeting people. You may even be curt or flat out rude to someone you normally wouldn’t if in the right frame of mind.

    Not only should we all stop the hatred in our hearts, but we must not allow external hatred affect us either. Every time a gathering is attacked, the intention is to make us all fear or hate other people. We must never allow ourselves to fall victim to hatred. The correct way to live is to encourage others to be kind through our own actions.

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      Personal Attacks

      Debating whether or not illegal immigration can be curbed is one thing—insulting someone’s character because you don’t agree with them is unacceptable. There are billions of us sharing this planet, and it’s a rather enclosed space. We don’t always have to agree or work together, but there’s no reason we can’t all coexist.

      It’s ok to disagree; nobody should mind if you are passionate. At the same time, you need to ensure you are only countering someone’s ideas. You should also be mindful of not getting offended when someone “attacks” your ideas. As long as everyone can keep a cool head, our interactions will flow much more efficiently. Remember to be the change you want to see in the world, and stop making personal attacks right now, regardless of whether or not anyone makes a personal attack against you. Take a look at the person staring back at you in the mirror, and never do anything to make that person feel ashamed to look back at you.

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        Violence

        There are a lot of situations we face in life, and sometimes it can feel like violence is the only answer. No matter what scenario you can imagine in which violence is necessary, you’re not correct. It’s unrealistic to believe that we could exist in total peace, but humanity should strive to condemn violent acts. This is already happening on social media and throughout the internet. People are speaking up against those who perform egregious and despicable acts against humanity, nature, and anything else. Rape, murder, beatings, bullying—none of it is tolerated in the digital world.

        Although society has evolved technologically over the last two millennia, nothing much has really changed. Human beings are a hive mind, and the mob mentality is only accentuated by the speed and breadth in which information can be dispersed on the internet. We need to be careful not to allow our passion for peace to instead bring violence to the world. Instead of inciting violence, condemn it. Don’t spend all your time condemning it though. It’s not enough to simply not be violent; we should strive to promote love as well.

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          Inequality

          The United States, like many other countries in modern society, promotes freedom and equality for all. A lot of people rest on their laurels and assume their freedom and equality is all that matters, but there’s an inherent flaw in this logic. You can never truly be free if everyone isn’t also free—that’s how freedom and equality work.

          In order for us to progress as a society, we need to ensure that everyone progresses. It’s important that every human being of every sex, religion, race, sexual orientation, and age, is treated equally. This may seem like a pipe dream, but it’s very achievable, and it can be accomplished by each and every one of us. If you take nothing else away from this post, understand that the way you treat people matters: if you treat people the way you want to be treated (with respect, courtesy, and integrity), they will be more likely to treat you the same way. If they don’t, suck it up and move forward to the next person. Every single choice you make in your life contributes to the whole of humanity—make them all count!

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          Last Updated on March 30, 2020

          What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

          What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

          Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

          You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

          This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

          What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

          According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

          Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

          There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

          How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

          When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

          Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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          1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

          One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

          The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

          Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

          2. Be Honest

          A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

          If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

          On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

          Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

          3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

          Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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          If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

          4. Succeed at Something

          When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

          Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

          5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

          Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

          Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

          If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

          If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

          Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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          6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

          Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

          You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

          On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

          You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

          7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

          Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

          Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

          Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

          When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

          Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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          In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

          Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

          It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

          Final Thoughts

          When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

          The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

          Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

          Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

          Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

          More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

          Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

          Reference

          [1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
          [2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
          [3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
          [4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
          [5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
          [6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
          [7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
          [8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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