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4 Things Happy Couples Don’t Do No Matter What Happens

4 Things Happy Couples Don’t Do No Matter What Happens

Relationships aren’t easy. At times, being someone’s other half can feel like carrying the Olympic torch. It takes commitment, hard work and emotional stamina to keep the flame of love alive. However, love isn’t meant to feel like a grueling test of endurance. Happy couples don’t need to perform mental and emotional gymnastics on a daily basis to keep their torch lit. Here are four things gold medal partners do not do in the game of love.

1. Keep score.

People who keep track of what their partner does and does not do for them generally do so because they feel overburdened. Whether one person is putting in 10% or 110%, relationships that keep a tally of how much effort each partner is contributing will never add up to 100. When a person approaches a relationship with a “what have you done for me lately?” attitude, she will be disappointed, often. If a couple truly desires a relationship based on utility, then go ahead; design a spreadsheet, create a chore chart and divvy up demands. Gold medal couples see the big picture. They see the work that each person does as part of a team effort. Go team!

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2. Take each other for granted.

Most couples, gold medal or not, occasionally forget how much work goes into burning the eternal flame. When the spark is gone, the energy that both people spend can go unnoticed and unappreciated. If someone feels like their efforts are expected and then unappreciated, they will begin to question why they’re in such a thankless relationship in the first place. Again, gold medal partners realize that love is a choice they make each and every day. They approach each other with “an attitude of gratitude” because their partner has yet again chosen to give their time, attention and affection to them. Instead of becoming apathetic, happy couples remain appreciative of each other’s giving choices.

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3. Belittle each other.

The irrationality of this action should speak for itself. Deriding someone does not demonstrate unconditional love. Rather, belittling a significant other conveys a lack of love. When people call negative attention to their partners short-comings, they do not show their acceptance of their partner. Instead, they exhibit a rigidity that makes their partner feel unaccepted and unloved. In loving relationships, partners declare their love through a willingness to work through each others imperfections, together. Content couples realize each others inadequacies as a way to become closer, not further apart.

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4. Spend every moment together.

In the first blush of love, spending every waking moment together is normal. When Cupid shoots his shaft of love from up above, both partners can go to extremes to be with each other. Ah, here lies the rub. Too much together time can create the first three issues on this list: a neurotic attention to who does more, a lack of appreciation and an opposition to the the other’s “otherness.” Happy couples appreciate alone time. They enjoy their independence to see and do different things because at the end of the day, they share these experiences with each other. Gold medal partners understand that a little independence goes a long way.

Though these are only a few “don’ts,” the common denominator in healthy relationships simplifies to one basic “do,” balance.  Emotionally stable people, whether in pairs or solo, work to achieve balance in their life. Understanding that love is only one aspect of life, albeit an awesome one, happy couples realize that the give and take they are a part of is also a part of the grand scheme of things. Couples who enjoy this equilibrium have a relationship that helps them not only become better partners, but better people.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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