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4 Reasons to Stop Beating Yourself Up

4 Reasons to Stop Beating Yourself Up

We all get down on ourselves once in a while. It is a natural human instinct and can serve as a good motivation booster. Unfortunately, there are many who live daily with the notion that they will never be good enough. It is a crippling feeling that can affect any type of person from the most unsuccessful to the most successful. And why?

There are a million and one answers to that question and it varies from person to person. Much of the time, it is probably the way an individual learned to organize and filter their existence from a young age. It could have developed later after much failure and hardship. Who can say? It also doesn’t help that we live in a society that glorifies excessive beauty, wealth, and power. We are bombarded with a constant stream of media that tells us we need to be better in every way.

In the face of such powerful forces, it can be difficult to learn how to counteract the inevitable negativity those forces instigate. However, I think it is important not to view it as a struggle. Instead, we must examine why we feel such things. So without further ado, here are some things to think about when coping with negative self-worth.

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1. You are a super intelligent being

being intelligent is sexy

    Maybe some of you are thinking, “No that’s not me, I didn’t go to college, I didn’t even go to high school. I don’t know anything about anything.” Pish posh. Education is no measurement of intelligence. Even the most “unintelligent” (I use that word grudgingly) human being is smarter than any other creature on this planet. The point is that every person has the capacity to learn. Furthermore, it is not the things you learn, or even the things you are good at that make you intelligent. It is the ability to choose to do those things. It is human will. We all have it.

    So maybe you’ll never be an astro-physicist. My guess is there is something (or many things) that you enjoy; something that no one else can do quite the way you do. Maybe you don’t know what that is yet. So start looking, and don’t stop until you find that thing. Then, it is up to you to use that incredible gift of intelligence and make the choice to pursue your endeavors.

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    2. You are your own worst enemy

    own enemy

      Those of you who immediately doubted your own intelligence while reading number 1, this one’s for you. Who said you’re not intelligent? Who said you can’t do this or that? You did. Sure, somewhere down the road we’ve all been told by one person or another, whether by suggestion or actual words, that we are not good enough. So what? At the end of the day, you get to make that call, and only you.

      Too often, we forget that we are in charge of our existence. We let ourselves be swayed by the opinions and biases of our parents, friends, partners, and sometimes even strangers. Understand, I’m not endorsing delusional behavior. Sometimes we want to have or do something so badly, but for the wrong reasons. It is up to us to reflect upon and examine why we want the things we want, and why we do the things we do. Only then do we see that we can in fact be our own worst enemies by letting ourselves get pulled into what others want for us, rather than what we truly desire.

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      3. You’re all you’ve got

      Screen Shot 2013-08-05 at 11.20.33 AM

        Of course I don’t mean that you are alone in this life. We are all in this together. Yet, when it comes down to it, only you, the individual, have the power to give meaning to your life. Yes, there can be people, things, and endeavors that bring you great joy and value, but you are the one who chooses to bring those things into your life. And ultimately, it is your reaction to, and what you learn from those forces that ascribe meaning to your existence.

        Your reality is your own. The way you experience things is a manifestation of everything that’s going on inside. It all comes back to the individual. In acknowledging our patterns of thought, emotion, and action, we get to know ourselves better. We learn to be friends with ourselves, and realize that we are the only ones who can change our reality for the better.

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        4. The pains of youth are not your fault

        Sometimes all of the above thoughts don’t quite cut it. Sometimes we need to dig a little deeper. An unfortunate fact of life is that many of us harbor feelings of extreme inadequacy based upon things that happened (or didn’t happen) when we were growing up under our guardian’s roof. Many may not even realize that their anger, sorrow, and anxiety stem from this incredibly pertinent time in their lives.

        If you are still living with childhood pain, it must be acknowledged and worked through. Maybe you’ve always blamed yourself for your parents’ divorce. Maybe you’ve lived with the notion that you don’t deserve love or attention because you never received any from your guardians. Maybe it’s much worse than either of those examples.

        In any case, you must understand that whatever it is for which you are blaming yourself, it is not your fault. How could it be? A child knows no better. Our little minds are only partially developed then. We only want one thing: the love and affection of our guardians. If we don’t get what we need and deserve, how else are we suppose to feel but unimportant and worthless?

        If you are an adult dealing with these issues, remember that it is not about casting blame. It is about acknowledging that you are responsible for your own well being now, and that you deserve to take care of yourself. Of course, we don’t just wake up one day and start doing this. It will only happen with intense therapy, self-reflection or a combination of the two. It is up to each of us to take that step.

        Final Thoughts

        The next time you are feeling the pangs of self-loathing, try to think or, better yet, feel your incredible potential as a human being. It may not work the first time or even the tenth time, but make a habit of shifting your thoughts from the negative to the positive, and you will begin to alter those patterns.

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        Last Updated on July 15, 2019

        41 Beautiful Pictures That Show What True Love Is All About

        41 Beautiful Pictures That Show What True Love Is All About

        Some things in life are hard to describe, yet we can recognize them when we see them.

        Love is one of those things.

        True love comes in many different forms, but here are some that many of us know well.

        True love means supporting those who can’t support themselves

        supportive couple

          A young man comforts his date in Times Square, New York City. Image by mbtrama

          strong hug

            A young man holds his significant other close to him. Image by Brad Fults

            running help

              A young track competitor helps one of her injured opponents over the finish line. Image from ViralNova.com

              feeding kitten

                A soldier in the Korean War takes time to feed a baby kitten. Image from US Naval Insititute

                It’s having the perfect selfie partner

                mom and daughter selfie

                  A mother and her daughter take a selfie together. Image by Andrew Fysh

                  girlfriends

                    Two young girls pose for the camera. Image by Rolands Lakis

                    selfies

                      A happy couple takes a picture together. Image by Kayla Heineman

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                      selfie

                        Two best friends take a selfie together. Image by Jason Wahido

                        dude selfie

                          Friends take a selfie together. Image by Glenn Scofield Williams

                          It’s all the warm fuzzies

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                            A young man spends time with his dog on a beach. Image by Magdalena Roeseler

                            DSC06952

                              A pet owner hugs his dog while on a day trip in San Francisco. Image by Taro the Shiba Inu

                              It means having a friend to photobomb you

                              photobomb

                                A boy makes a funny face as he poses for a picture with his brother. Image by Michael Bentley

                                old man photobomb

                                  A man photobombs his wife while their grandson snaps a picture. Image by Frank

                                  family photobomb

                                    Family members photobomb their relatives’ Thanksgiving day family photo. Image by Beth Scupham

                                    boyfriend photobomb

                                      A friend photobombs the photographer and their friend, the woman in the foreground of this photo. Image by Lachlan Hardy

                                      True love means being there even when life gets unbearably hard

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                                      shoulder to cry on

                                        A family watches the Vermont National Guard depart for Afghanistan. Image by The U.S. Army

                                        flood dog

                                          During a monsoon in the Philippines, a boy carries his dog to safety. Image by Romeo Ranoco

                                          A woman is rescued from flood waters by a resident standing on top of her car during heavy rain in Chalandri suburb north of Athens

                                            A man helps a woman out of her vehicle during a flood in Chalandri, Greece. Image by John Kolesidis

                                            lunch

                                              A woman has lunch with her husband every day, even after he’s passed away. Image from ViralNova.com

                                              hug

                                                A woman hugs the mother of 6-year-old Noah Ponzer, who was one of the victims of the Sandy Hook shootings. Image by Spencer Platt

                                                rubble

                                                  An Oklahoma couple pauses while trying to salvage belongings from a family member’s home after a tornado. Image by Adrees Latif

                                                  sister and brother

                                                    A girl puts her arm around her little brother as they wait outside of Sandy Hook Elementary after gunshots are fired. Image by Reuters.

                                                    headstone

                                                      A woman sits at her husband’s grave the day before their wedding anniversary. Image from NBC news

                                                      It means taking the time for long goodbyes

                                                      110321-N-BT887-100

                                                        A man says goodbye to his son before deploying. Image by Official U.S. Navy Page

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                                                        national guard goodbye

                                                          A South Carolina man says goodbye to his son before deploying for Afghanistan. Image by The National Guard

                                                          saying goodbye

                                                            A Sergeant hugs both of his sons before being deployed to Afghanistan. Image by The National Guard

                                                            And cherishing reunions

                                                            husband home

                                                              A woman hugs her husband as she sees him for the first time since his deployment to Iraq. Image by The U.S. Army

                                                              boyfriend home

                                                                A young  woman hugs her significant other as he returns home for Kuwait. Image by The National Guard

                                                                mother hug

                                                                  A mother drops to her knees as she hugs her son on her return home from the Persian Gulf. Image by The National Guard

                                                                  True love is letting yourself feel young when they’re around

                                                                  elderly women

                                                                    Two friends on their smartphones. Image by Robert Neff

                                                                    feeling young

                                                                      A young couple getting their picture taken. Image by db Photograph

                                                                      sprinkler dad

                                                                        A father plays in a sprinkler with his daughter at Millennium Park in Chicago. Image by Ben Forsberg

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                                                                        subway couple

                                                                          A young couple on a subway enjoys sharing time together, while the girlfriend’s father sneaks a photo of them. Image by Gareth Williams

                                                                          wheelchairs

                                                                            A couple holds hands on a fall day. Image by David Amsler

                                                                            It’s letting yourself be silly… just because they’ll enjoy it

                                                                            silly faces

                                                                              A grandfather makes faces at the camera with his granddaughters. Image by Tim Pierce

                                                                              vote for pedro

                                                                                A woman’s father wears a Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt to make his daughter laugh. Image by emdot

                                                                                True love is allowing yourself to show how you really feel

                                                                                date night

                                                                                  A young couple kisses in the back of a restaurant in Washington, D.C. Image by Derek Key

                                                                                  playing violin

                                                                                    Violinist Nancy Dinovo plays at a memorial service for the victims of 9/11. Image by Christopher Morris

                                                                                    True love is timeless

                                                                                    old friends

                                                                                      Friends spending some time together. Image by Cristian Bortes

                                                                                      sitting around a fire

                                                                                        A group of friends sits around a campfire eating. Image by New Old Stock

                                                                                        elderly couple

                                                                                          An elderly couple walks down a street together. Image by Matteo Paciotti

                                                                                          Featured photo credit: Matteo Paciotti via flickr.com

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