After talking with almost everyone close to me in my life, I can without a doubt say that the majority all hate Woody Allen. My mom hates him. My roommates think he’s a pervert. My dog even barks when he sees him on the television screen!
I was just kidding about that last part. I don’t own a dog, but if I did, I’m sure he’d hate him too.
However, even with all his scandals and quirks, there’s something about Woody Allen that makes him strangely charming; and for me, that’s his writing. In fact, one of my favorite quotes, which happens to be #20 on this list, is from a Woody Allen movie. He has a particular way of conveying truths about human nature through humor that’s unparalleled by any other satirical screenwriter, and that’s saying something.
So despite all the negativity surrounding him, I believe we can all learn something and relate in some way to the characters he’s created in his films.
After all, he’s led a long and highly interesting life. I’d be surprised if he didn’t have any life experiences to impart to his audiences.
Here are 25 hilarious life truths about life and love we can learn from Woody Allen’s films:
1. We all come from different walks of life.
“Let’s be real about this. Bala and I… Bala is a princess, and I’m a soil relocation engineer” – Z, from Antz
2.) And we all have our differences.
“Exercising changed my life”
“I prefer to atrophy.” – Lillian House and Larry Lipton, from Manhattan Murder Mystery
3.) But we’re similar in the fact that sometimes we feel insecure in ourselves.
“You can’t learn to be real. It’s like learning to be a midget.” – Gil Shepherd, from The Purple Rose of Cairo
4.) There will be times when we doubt ourselves completely.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper
5.) As well as our authority figures.
“Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat… college.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
6.) But eventually we come to realize: if we can’t be honest with ourselves, who can we be honest with?
“I had a great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials.” – Mickey, from Hannah and Her Sisters
7.) Once we learn to embrace who we are, we can learn to embrace others.
“For me, love is very deep, sex only has to go a few inches.” – Rita, from Bullets Over Broadway
8.) It all starts with having our priorities in check.
“Who do you have to sleep with around here to get a Stoli martini with a twist of lemon?” – Jasmine, from Blue Jasmine
9.) And realizing there is no absolute truth in this world.
“Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper
10.) So why worry? After all, taking risks is what makes life interesting.
“It’s so impulsive, but… I’ll come. Why not? What’s life without a little risk taking? Who knows?” – Tom Baxter, from The Purple Rose of Cairo
11.) Because if we keep reflecting on the past, we’re always going to worry about what could have been instead of what can be.
“He is always very depressed. I think that if he’d been a successful criminal, he would have felt better. You know, he never made the ‘ten most wanted’ list. It’s very unfair voting; it’s who you know.” – Louise, from Take the Money and Run
12.) But what can be may not always turn out the way you planned.
“If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie.” – Judah Rosenthal, from Crimes and Misdemeanors
13.) You have to accept the things you cannot change.
“A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
14.) And the people you cannot change.
“We fell in love. I fell in love – she just stood there.” – Fielding Mellish, from Bananas
15.) But that’s okay, because making mistakes is a part of the process.
“There was a moment there when I stroked when I should have hickeyed.” – Joe, from Everyone Says I Love You
16.) Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.
“We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It’s a contradiction.” – Juan Antonio, from Vicky Christina Barcelona
17.) Sometimes, you’re better off on your own.
“No genius is worth too much heartache.” – Joe Bedloe, from Sweet and Lowdown
18.) But when you do find “the one”, you’ll find that words cannot possibly express the depth of your feelings towards them.
“Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
19.) But if they could, they would sound something kind of like this:
“I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.” – Isaac Davis, from Manhattan
20.) Because love is a beautiful, but confusing thing.
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Sonja, from Love and Death
21.) Just as life is a confusing thing.
“16 blue ponies, 21 jetplanes, and 12 spinning midgets.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop
22.) As well as being cruel at times.
“You know not everything in the world is sinister… just practically everything.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop
23.) But even in all the cruelness and confusion of this world, there is still hope for all of us.
“You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No… not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.” – Helen Sinclair, from Bullets over Broadway
24.) Because even if life doesn’t always give you what you want…
“That’s what the present is. It’s a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying.” – Gil, from Midnight in Paris
25.) It almost always gives you what you need
“I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
Featured photo credit: Woody Allen Glasses/alyssa_michele via flickr.com