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25 Hilarious Truths About Life and Love We Can Learn From Woody Allen Movies

25 Hilarious Truths About Life and Love We Can Learn From Woody Allen Movies

After talking with almost everyone close to me in my life, I can without a doubt say that the majority all hate Woody Allen.  My mom hates him. My roommates think he’s a pervert.  My dog even barks when he sees him on the television screen!

I was just kidding about that last part.  I don’t own a dog, but if I did, I’m sure he’d hate him too.

However, even with all his scandals and quirks, there’s something about Woody Allen that makes him strangely charming; and for me, that’s his writing.  In fact, one of my favorite quotes, which happens to be #20 on this list, is from a Woody Allen movie.  He has a particular way of conveying truths about human nature through humor that’s unparalleled by any other satirical screenwriter, and that’s saying something.

So despite all the negativity surrounding him, I believe we can all learn something and relate in some way to the characters he’s created in his films.

After all, he’s led a long and highly interesting life.  I’d be surprised if he didn’t have any life experiences to impart to his audiences.

Here are 25 hilarious life truths about life and love we can learn from Woody Allen’s films:

 

1. We all come from different walks of life.

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Antz

    “Let’s be real about this. Bala and I… Bala is a princess, and I’m a soil relocation engineer” – Z, from Antz

    2.) And we all have our differences.

    “Exercising changed my life”

    “I prefer to atrophy.” – Lillian House and Larry Lipton, from Manhattan Murder Mystery

    3.) But we’re similar in the fact that sometimes we feel insecure in ourselves.

    “You can’t learn to be real. It’s like learning to be a midget.” – Gil Shepherd, from The Purple Rose of Cairo

    4.) There will be times when we doubt ourselves completely.

    “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper

    5.) As well as our authority figures.

    AnnieHall_024Pyxurz

       

      “Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat… college.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

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      6.) But eventually we come to realize: if we can’t be honest with ourselves, who can we be honest with?

      “I had a great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials.” – Mickey, from Hannah and Her Sisters

      7.) Once we learn to embrace who we are, we can learn to embrace others.

      “For me, love is very deep, sex only has to go a few inches.” – Rita, from Bullets Over Broadway

      8.) It all starts with having our priorities in check.

      “Who do you have to sleep with around here to get a Stoli martini with a twist of lemon?” – Jasmine, from Blue Jasmine

      9.) And realizing there is no absolute truth in this world.

      “Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper

      10.) So why worry? After all, taking risks is what makes life interesting.

       

      Purple09

        “It’s so impulsive, but… I’ll come. Why not? What’s life without a little risk taking? Who knows?” – Tom Baxter, from The Purple Rose of Cairo

        11.) Because if we keep reflecting on the past, we’re always going to worry about what could have been instead of what can be.

        “He is always very depressed. I think that if he’d been a successful criminal, he would have felt better. You know, he never made the ‘ten most wanted’ list. It’s very unfair voting; it’s who you know.” – Louise, from Take the Money and Run

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        12.) But what can be may not always turn out the way you planned.

        “If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie.” – Judah Rosenthal, from Crimes and Misdemeanors

        13.) You have to accept the things you cannot change.

        “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

        14.) And the people you cannot change.

        “We fell in love. I fell in love – she just stood there.” – Fielding Mellish, from Bananas

        15.) But that’s okay, because making mistakes is a part of the process.

        everyone-says-i-love-you-woody-allen

          “There was a moment there when I stroked when I should have hickeyed.” – Joe, from Everyone Says I Love You

          16.) Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.

          “We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It’s a contradiction.” – Juan Antonio, from Vicky Christina Barcelona

          17.) Sometimes, you’re better off on your own.

          “No genius is worth too much heartache.” – Joe Bedloe, from Sweet and Lowdown

          18.) But when you do find “the one”, you’ll find that words cannot possibly express the depth of your feelings towards them.

          “Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

          19.) But if they could, they would sound something kind of like this:

          “I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.” – Isaac Davis, from Manhattan

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          20.) Because love is a beautiful, but confusing thing.

          Love-and-Death-Keaton

            “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Sonja, from Love and Death

            21.) Just as life is a confusing thing.

            “16 blue ponies, 21 jetplanes, and 12 spinning midgets.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop

            22.) As well as being cruel at times.

            “You know not everything in the world is sinister… just practically everything.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop

            23.) But even in all the cruelness and confusion of this world, there is still hope for all of us.

            “You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No… not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.” – Helen Sinclair, from Bullets over Broadway

            24.) Because even if life doesn’t always give you what you want…

            “That’s what the present is. It’s a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying.” – Gil, from Midnight in Paris

            25.) It almost always gives you what you need

            1375930702_Allen

              “I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

              Featured photo credit: Woody Allen Glasses/alyssa_michele via flickr.com

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              Last Updated on February 19, 2020

              15 Positive Thinking Books You Need for a Happy Life

              15 Positive Thinking Books You Need for a Happy Life

              Books give us the opportunity to live vicariously through the lives of people with greater wisdom than ourselves. They stimulate our brains and help us not only solve the problems we struggle with, but also motivate and inspire us with new ideas.

              One of the great things about people who think positively and live happy lives is that they love to help others do the same. There are countless positive-thinking books and these 15 are a great way to help you start living a happy life.

              1. Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl

              mans search for meaning

                This book goes through the horrific struggle of Viktor Frankl who survived holocaust concentration camps. The only thing that kept him going was his idea that everything, even the worst of human suffering, had to have meaning. If you’re struggling through anything in your life, I guarantee the words of Viktor will give you courage to press on and find happiness.

                2. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

                tuesday with morrie

                   

                  What is life’s greatest lesson? Morrie, a retired professor with a fatal disease, opts to use his predicament to share that message as opposed to just giving up and dying. Following the last few months of Morrie’s life will help you realize what is truly important in life.

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                  3. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

                  Lecture_Book

                    Similar to Tuesdays with Morrie, Randy is a college professor who finds he has a fatal disease with only a few months to live. It is customary for professors at his university (Carnegie Mellon) to give a final lecture with the basis of ‘what wisdom would you impart to a large group of people if it was your last chance?’ Randy stays incredibly positive throughout and even keeps the lecture humorous and entertaining. Amidst it all, his wisdom is a powerful reminder about how to live a happy, full life.

                    4. Earning Freedom by Michael Santos

                    earning freedom

                      Michael Santos was sentenced to 45 years is prison for selling drugs. During his term he fought hard to earn a masters degree and half of a doctorate (halted by the warden) while writing numerous books educating students about the criminal justice system. This book provides a fascinating window into his entire sentence (released in 2012) and how a positive attitude and strong work ethic got him through it. If he found happiness in prison through positive thinking, we can do it anywhere.

                      If you don’t have the attention span to finish a long book, the following quick reads are shorter but just as powerful.

                      5. The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper

                      little engine that could

                        This book has shaped childrens’ minds for years. It illustrates the undeniable fact that when you think positively and believe in yourself, you can accomplish extraordinary things.

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                        6. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

                        The_Giving_Tree

                          Happiness is found in giving. What does it mean to love someone? What would you sacrifice for someone you love? This children’s book teaches a valuable lesson about unconditional love and what it truly means to be happy.

                          7. The Dash by Linda Ellis and Mac Anderson

                          the dash

                            “When your life is over, everything you did will be represented by a single dash between two dates—what will that dash mean for the people you have known and loved?” (Linda Ellis) We don’t choose a lot of things about our life – parents, birthplace, etc. – but we can choose what that dash between those two dates means. This short book will give you a great perspective on making your life worthwhile.

                            8. As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

                            As-a-Man-Thinketh

                              “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state… Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” (James Allen) This book might be short, but it is jam-packed with statements that will make you stop and think. We truly become what we think we are. Negative thoughts affect us more than we know. Positive thinking = happy life.

                              9. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald  Miller

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                              a-million-miles-in-a-thousand-years

                                You are the author of your story. No matter how boring or dull your life has been, you can always turn it around. Donald was in a rut in his life. He had no desire to get out of bed and found himself questioning the meaning of life. Eventually he realized he wasn’t a slave to a pre-written script. He used that mindset to turn around his thoughts, actions, and life. When the closing credits roll on the story of your life, what will people say? Never forget that you have the power to push your limits and live an interesting, happy life.

                                10. The Traveler’s Gift by Andy Andrews

                                travelersgift

                                  The Traveler’s Gift is a fictional story about a man who is overwhelmed with life and finds himself thrown into numerous true events from history – including Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. He interacts and learns important life lessons from seven different experiences. The book is full of ways to think more positively and find more success in life.

                                  11. David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

                                  david and goliath

                                    Malcolm Gladwell motivates you to challenge your preconceptions of underdogs and misfits in this thought-provoking book. When you break down the facts in the story of David and Goliath from the Bible, you find that David really wasn’t an underdog at all – he was the one with the advantage. This book outlines story after story after story of people who were at a disadvantage and learned to find the strength in their weakness.

                                    12. How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton M. Christensen

                                    how will you measure

                                      How would you feel if you got to the end of your life only to realize you had been measuring success wrong? Clayton provides a mass amount of wisdom and advice on how to live a life you won’t regret.

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                                      13. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson

                                      Dont_Sweat_Small_Stuff

                                        The small things we worry about every day may not seem like a big deal, but they wear us down slowly and stop us from living up to our full potential. Learn how to get rid of those worries and negative thoughts and live a happier life.

                                        14. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

                                        mere christianity

                                          C.S. Lewis, who used to be an Atheist, explains how he came to find meaning in life through Christianity. He breaks down all the reasons we doubt and falter in life and how living the principles of Christianity fixes our weaknesses. Lewis is famous for his deep, thought-provoking quotes and this book is no exception.

                                          15. Bushido: The Way of the Samurai by Tsunetomo Yamamoto

                                          bushido

                                            Bushido is based on the Hagakure, a document that served as the basis for samurai warrior behavior. The document’s purpose was to shape the mind and the spirit of the samurai warrior.

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                                            Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

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