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25 Hilarious Truths About Life and Love We Can Learn From Woody Allen Movies

25 Hilarious Truths About Life and Love We Can Learn From Woody Allen Movies

After talking with almost everyone close to me in my life, I can without a doubt say that the majority all hate Woody Allen.  My mom hates him. My roommates think he’s a pervert.  My dog even barks when he sees him on the television screen!

I was just kidding about that last part.  I don’t own a dog, but if I did, I’m sure he’d hate him too.

However, even with all his scandals and quirks, there’s something about Woody Allen that makes him strangely charming; and for me, that’s his writing.  In fact, one of my favorite quotes, which happens to be #20 on this list, is from a Woody Allen movie.  He has a particular way of conveying truths about human nature through humor that’s unparalleled by any other satirical screenwriter, and that’s saying something.

So despite all the negativity surrounding him, I believe we can all learn something and relate in some way to the characters he’s created in his films.

After all, he’s led a long and highly interesting life.  I’d be surprised if he didn’t have any life experiences to impart to his audiences.

Here are 25 hilarious life truths about life and love we can learn from Woody Allen’s films:

 

1. We all come from different walks of life.

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Antz

    “Let’s be real about this. Bala and I… Bala is a princess, and I’m a soil relocation engineer” – Z, from Antz

    2.) And we all have our differences.

    “Exercising changed my life”

    “I prefer to atrophy.” – Lillian House and Larry Lipton, from Manhattan Murder Mystery

    3.) But we’re similar in the fact that sometimes we feel insecure in ourselves.

    “You can’t learn to be real. It’s like learning to be a midget.” – Gil Shepherd, from The Purple Rose of Cairo

    4.) There will be times when we doubt ourselves completely.

    “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper

    5.) As well as our authority figures.

    AnnieHall_024Pyxurz

       

      “Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat… college.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

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      6.) But eventually we come to realize: if we can’t be honest with ourselves, who can we be honest with?

      “I had a great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials.” – Mickey, from Hannah and Her Sisters

      7.) Once we learn to embrace who we are, we can learn to embrace others.

      “For me, love is very deep, sex only has to go a few inches.” – Rita, from Bullets Over Broadway

      8.) It all starts with having our priorities in check.

      “Who do you have to sleep with around here to get a Stoli martini with a twist of lemon?” – Jasmine, from Blue Jasmine

      9.) And realizing there is no absolute truth in this world.

      “Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper

      10.) So why worry? After all, taking risks is what makes life interesting.

       

      Purple09

        “It’s so impulsive, but… I’ll come. Why not? What’s life without a little risk taking? Who knows?” – Tom Baxter, from The Purple Rose of Cairo

        11.) Because if we keep reflecting on the past, we’re always going to worry about what could have been instead of what can be.

        “He is always very depressed. I think that if he’d been a successful criminal, he would have felt better. You know, he never made the ‘ten most wanted’ list. It’s very unfair voting; it’s who you know.” – Louise, from Take the Money and Run

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        12.) But what can be may not always turn out the way you planned.

        “If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie.” – Judah Rosenthal, from Crimes and Misdemeanors

        13.) You have to accept the things you cannot change.

        “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

        14.) And the people you cannot change.

        “We fell in love. I fell in love – she just stood there.” – Fielding Mellish, from Bananas

        15.) But that’s okay, because making mistakes is a part of the process.

        everyone-says-i-love-you-woody-allen

          “There was a moment there when I stroked when I should have hickeyed.” – Joe, from Everyone Says I Love You

          16.) Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.

          “We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It’s a contradiction.” – Juan Antonio, from Vicky Christina Barcelona

          17.) Sometimes, you’re better off on your own.

          “No genius is worth too much heartache.” – Joe Bedloe, from Sweet and Lowdown

          18.) But when you do find “the one”, you’ll find that words cannot possibly express the depth of your feelings towards them.

          “Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

          19.) But if they could, they would sound something kind of like this:

          “I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.” – Isaac Davis, from Manhattan

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          20.) Because love is a beautiful, but confusing thing.

          Love-and-Death-Keaton

            “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Sonja, from Love and Death

            21.) Just as life is a confusing thing.

            “16 blue ponies, 21 jetplanes, and 12 spinning midgets.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop

            22.) As well as being cruel at times.

            “You know not everything in the world is sinister… just practically everything.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop

            23.) But even in all the cruelness and confusion of this world, there is still hope for all of us.

            “You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No… not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.” – Helen Sinclair, from Bullets over Broadway

            24.) Because even if life doesn’t always give you what you want…

            “That’s what the present is. It’s a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying.” – Gil, from Midnight in Paris

            25.) It almost always gives you what you need

            1375930702_Allen

              “I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall

              Featured photo credit: Woody Allen Glasses/alyssa_michele via flickr.com

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              Last Updated on May 28, 2020

              10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

              10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

              Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

              You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

              Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

              You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

              Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

              1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

              If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

              Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

              When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

              Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

              So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

              Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

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              2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

              Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

              Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

              • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
              • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
              • Answer a few Superpower Questions

              Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

              3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

              Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

              The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

              You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

              Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

              Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

              4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

              The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

              Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

              To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

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              This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

              5. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

              Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

              Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

              • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
              • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
              • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

              The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward.

              Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

              6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

              I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

              To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

              Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

              A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

              Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

              Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

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              7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

              Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

              Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

              What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

              Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

              8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

              Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

              Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

              What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

              These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

              9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

              Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

              This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

              Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

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              “You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

              10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

              Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

              Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

              You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

              You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

              Final Thoughts

              Eleanor Roosevelt said,

              “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

              Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

              By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

              If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

              This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

              Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

              More About Success in Life

              Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

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