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18 Things To Tell Yourself When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

18 Things To Tell Yourself When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

Sometimes life just gets to be a little too much and it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Whether it be expectations from your boss, colleagues, friends, family or other half–or even the sky-high expectations you have of yourself–occasionally, it all comes to a head and you are left feeling like you are not good enough. In times like these, it can be difficult to gain the perspective you so sorely need to pull yourself out of that terrible slump. Here are 18 things to remember that should get you well on your way to feeling better.

1. This too shall pass.

As cliché as it sounds, no matter how terrible you feel right now and how desperate your situation may currently seem, it’s just a fleeting moment in your life. While it may seem as though your world is ending, trust in the fact that the sun will rise again tomorrow and shine new, hopeful light on you and your predicament.

2. No one can do better than you…

…because there is not a single person out there who is like you! You are blessed with unique attributes that make comparing yourself to anyone else not only futile and discouraging but also, quite frankly, impossible. No one has lived the life you’ve lived, so no one is better equipped to tackle your challenges than you. Remember this whenever you catch your subconscious trying to convince you that you are not as worthy as someone else!

3. This challenge will only make you stronger.

Even though you may feel broken and bruised now, you will recover from this ordeal a more resilient person. When we get injured, the scar tissue that develops to mend our damaged skin is stronger than you could ever imagine. It’s the same for your heart and soul: trust in their ability to heal, too. In keeping with this…

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4. Celebrate your failures; they are a lesson.

As the wonderful Oprah Winfrey says, “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another step to greatness.” When terrible things happen (either of our own doing or otherwise), it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees. However, in every failure or negative moment, there is a lesson to be learned. Take heart, and have faith in the fact that thanks to this experience, you will be better equipped to deal with whatever life throws at you next.

5. You’re good enough to try, and that’s all you need to do.

Now that you know that failures should be celebrated and not feared, the time has come to realise that everything you’ve accomplished up until now and everything you’ll achieve henceforth comes from you taking a leap of faith and trying. No matter how convinced you are that you are going to fail, make the attempt: it’s the most important part of any endeavour and the only one that is really asked of you.

6. Progress trumps perfection, every time.

It is so easy to get caught up in others’ expectations that we forget that perfection is an unrealistic (and frankly, boring) ideal. By shooting for perfection, you are setting yourself up for feeling like crap when you inevitably fall short. Progress, on the other hand, is a better measure of how brilliant you are and how much you’ve grown. Celebrate every small step forward.

7. You are not alone.

Although insecurity tends to confine us to a very lonely place, know that there are people around you who are desperate to show you how amazing you are and how much you matter. Even if you can’t see your own worth right now, they most certainly can; and while you may feel like you’re burdening them by expressing your feelings, I can assure you they don’t see it that way. Remember that even when you don’t feel good enough, your friends and relatives think you’re the bee’s knees. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

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8. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.

While your problem is deeply personal and unique to your situation, take comfort in the fact that there are others who are also feeling less than great; not, of course, so that you can take pleasure from their pain, but because this means you are not alone in your plight. No matter how desperate you may feel, there is someone out there who will be able to relate and bring solace. All you need to do is find them.

9. There is so much to be thankful for.

When I’m down, one thing I like to do is list three things that I am grateful for, right in the moment. It is a great exercise for gaining a little perspective: even though it may feel like the world is crashing down around me, being able to make a gratitude list reminds me that there is a silver lining. Give it a try–you’ll be surprised at the results!

10. You are deserving of love.

You may feel terrible about yourself now, but I can guarantee that there is so much beauty in you. In times when you don’t feel good enough, try making a gratitude list…for yourself! Name three things that you love about yourself. Be as silly or as ceremonious as you like. If you’re having trouble with coming up with something, be grateful for your lungs, which allow you to breathe; your mouth, which allows you to smile; your soul, which makes you you. You are a thing of wonder; believe it!

11. Your mind can be cruel; don’t always take it at its word.

We are often our very worst critics. Even if we are kind to others, it can be hard for us to be nice to ourselves. We tend to judge ourselves extremely harshly, whether we’re aware of it or not, simply because we’re conditioned by society to believe we need to look or behave a certain way. When we don’t conform to these impossible standards, it’s easy to slip into negative self-talk. Be aware of this and don’t believe everything you think.

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12. You have a choice.

Now that you know your subconscious isn’t always your best friend, it’s time to understand that you have a choice. You can either choose to let that nagging voice of discord run its mouth, or you can choose to fake it until you make it and replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. All it takes is the resolve to wear those rose-tinted glasses (no matter how cheesy it may feel at first) and practice! Commit to it, and I promise you’ll feel a change.

13. Your approval is the only one that matters.

We spend our lives bending over backwards trying to please others, trying to conform to others’ ideals and losing sight of what really matters: our happiness; our fulfillment. At the end of the day, people come and go but you’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. Do yourself a favour and focus on how you feel about yourself before worrying about the others. I’ll bet that once you strip away others’ expectations, you’ll like what you see.

14. You have overcome so much already.

You may feel terrible now, but remember how much you’ve already achieved. Think about the path that has led you to where you are now. Reminisce about your life from an objective perspective and see how much you’ve accomplished and overcome. Even though it may not seem like it now, you are a warrior and you are capable of so much.

15. You are still giving it your all.

Even when life knocks you down, you’ll still be there fighting. The fact that you feel the way you do right now is an indication that you still care and you still want to succeed. You haven’t given up and that means so much more than you realise.

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16. There is always a way to get unstuck.

No matter how desperate the situation, there’s always something you can do to move forward. You may not see it right in the moment, but you will uncover it eventually, either on your own or with the help of your friends. In that “aha” moment, you’ll come to realise how close you were to the solution all along. Hindsight is always 20/20, isn’t it? Don’t lose hope; the answer you’re seeking is out there.

17. You are in no hurry.

Just because everybody else is running ragged doesn’t mean that you need to hold yourself to the same, crazy standards. The biggest goals and achievements in life take time to accomplish. Don’t pressure yourself into getting everything done on the quick and get down on yourself when you don’t quite manage it. It’s okay to take a little longer and savour the process.

18. It’s okay to not be okay.

Sometimes, you need to surrender to your feelings and allow yourself to not be Super(wo)man for once. The world will carry on turning without you holding it together. Give yourself permission to give in to your emotions and know that it’s okay to give yourself a break. You’ve worked so hard–you deserve it.

No matter how dark the clouds above your head, there are better days right around the corner. Believe in yourself, give yourself a break and you will get there.

Featured photo credit: beauty heart lipstick love make-up makeup/BreakingPic via pexels.com

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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