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14 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship

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14 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship

Love is hard work. It’s fun at first. Nothing else matters but the two of you. Then you live together, and everything changes. What happened to those beautiful moments of looking into each other’s eyes and feeling your spine tingle? Your “happily ever after” isn’t happening.

Your love was once strong. Now there are more bills to pay, crying children, opinionated in-laws, and sleepless nights. As time goes by, you feel that you aren’t important to each other. But that’s not true, it’s just that the stress of life has become your priority, not each other.

Well, I have good news. The connection is still there, but it’s buried under piles of dirty laundry in the corner of the bedroom, dishes in the kitchen sink, and bickering over what the other person just said. Once you clear the clutter from your relationship, you’ll get back to looking at each other with loving eyes again.

If you knew how to be romantic when you were dating, you could do it again. You just have to put in a little extra effort now to fit love into your busy schedules.

If you are willing to fight for the love you once had, treat each other like you did when you were dating. This is how to rekindle those amazing moments you used to share.

1. Schedule a date night

Date_Night_021610_19B-23_F

    You don’t have to go to a five-star restaurant or a movie to have a date night. Date nights can be just as romantic in the comfort of your own bedroom. Turn off the television and shut the devices. Be cute and playful. Text each other during the day, “date night 2nite <3.” Even if you’re tired, make an effort to rekindle your romance.

    2. Talk to each other

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      Gentlemen, there is nothing a woman loves more than a heart to heart conversation. Just talk to her. Ask about her day, her job, and her friends. Be present. Show her that you care. Look at her. Listen to what she says. Believe it or not, a face-to-face conversation can be extremely intimate. Ladies, let him talk too. Let him tell you how terrible his favorite sports team played or how annoying the guy who sits next to him at work was. You’ll be surprised to see how romantic a conversation can be.

      3. Shut out the rest of the world

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        Focus on each other. If you find your mind wandering to the stack of papers on your desk at work, bring your thoughts back to each other. Keep your attention on the person in front of you. Just like during meditation, it’s a mind exercise that might need a little retraining but it will happen.

        4. Attention girls!

        worst-dressed-girls

          Dress up a little. Get out of your sweatpants. Take your hair out of that ponytail. Put on a little blush and lipstick, just like you did when you were dating.

          5. Say only positive comments

          Woman whispering in man's ear

            It’s easy to get on each other’s nerves but if you want to fall in love again, forget your list of negative complaints. Dump the negativity in the trash. It’s a toxic algae that grows in your mind. Starting from the tiniest thought, it grows until it’s so big it’s the only thing you see when you look at the other person. Remember the person you adored? The person you couldn’t live without for even five minutes? The positive traits are still there. You just have to look a little harder now to see them. Give each other compliments.

            6. Negative traits have a positive side

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              Every trait has two sides to it. When you first fell in love, only the positive side was visible. Once you get comfy, the negative side of the trait shows its unattractive side. Train your brain to see the flip side of that trait. If your partner likes everything in order, he might be annoyed if your closet does not look like the one in the Container Store catalog. When that happens, remind yourself that that is the same trait that makes him succeed at work. His organized ways means he has an organized mind. That’s a good thing. At first, it’s a challenge, but if you continue, you can see the positive side of an annoying trait.

              7.  Give and expect nothing in return

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                Purses, jewelry, and flowers are nice, but those can feel insincere sometimes. If you really want to show her you care, give her something that will make her life easier (not a new Vitamix, although that’s not a bad idea). Do something that will please your partner. Give of yourself.

                8. Peace is more important than being right

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                  You don’t have to fight every battle. Most battles are not worth fighting over. And you don’t have to prove you are right every time. Your relationship is more important than your ego.

                  9. Re-evaluate your words

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                    Are you saying, “I love you,” so often that it has lost its meaning? Of course, there is nothing wrong with expressing love often. It is important that your loved one feels that your words are sincere. Express genuine love so that it enters your lover’s heart.

                    10. Be compassionate

                    quote-Dalai-Lama-love-and-compassion-are-necessities-not-luxuries-956

                      Stand in your partner’s place. Try to understand what he or she is feeling. Work is stressful. Life is full of conflict. Having a person on your side, without judgment or criticism is a comforting stress reliever.

                      11. Be on the same team

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                        Relationships are not competitions. You are not against each other; you are there for each other, cheering each other on as teammates. Say the words, “I’m on your side.”

                        12. Put your ego aside

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                          Everything isn’t about you. When it becomes about you, there is no room for anyone else. If you want to be loved, you have to be lovable.

                          13. Dance together

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                            Dancing is romantic. Slow dance in your bedroom or even in the kitchen. Dancing is two people moving in sync. Feel the rhythm you share.

                            14. Laugh together

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                              Lighten up and have some fun. Life is serious. It’s your job to take a break away from the stress. Laughter is the best medicine.

                              Once you schedule the time and put in a little extra effort, you will be able to live, love, and laugh together happily ever after again.

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                              June Silny

                              ADHD Coach, Writer, ADDitude Magazine featured contributor

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                              Last Updated on November 18, 2021

                              10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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                              10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

                              We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

                              A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

                              So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

                              • honest
                              • reliable
                              • competent
                              • kind and compassionate
                              • capable of taking the blame
                              • able to persevere
                              • modest and humble
                              • pacific and can control anger.

                              The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

                              1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

                              All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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                              But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

                              2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

                              How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

                              I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

                              “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

                              Abigail Van Buren

                              3. How does this person take the blame?

                              Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

                              4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

                              You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

                              5. Read their emails.

                              Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

                              • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
                              • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
                              • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
                              • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
                              • Too many question marks can show anger
                              • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

                              6. Watch out for the show offs.

                              Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

                              7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

                              A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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                              Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

                              8. Their empathy score is high.

                              Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

                              People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

                              9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

                              We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

                              “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

                              Stendhal

                               10. Avoid toxic people.

                              These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

                              • Envy or jealousy
                              • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
                              • Complaining about their own lack of success
                              • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
                              • Obsession with themselves and their problems

                              Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

                              Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

                              Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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