Advertising
Advertising

14 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship

14 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship

Love is hard work. It’s fun at first. Nothing else matters but the two of you. Then you live together, and everything changes. What happened to those beautiful moments of looking into each other’s eyes and feeling your spine tingle? Your “happily ever after” isn’t happening.

Your love was once strong. Now there are more bills to pay, crying children, opinionated in-laws, and sleepless nights. As time goes by, you feel that you aren’t important to each other. But that’s not true, it’s just that the stress of life has become your priority, not each other.

Well, I have good news. The connection is still there, but it’s buried under piles of dirty laundry in the corner of the bedroom, dishes in the kitchen sink, and bickering over what the other person just said. Once you clear the clutter from your relationship, you’ll get back to looking at each other with loving eyes again.

If you knew how to be romantic when you were dating, you could do it again. You just have to put in a little extra effort now to fit love into your busy schedules.

If you are willing to fight for the love you once had, treat each other like you did when you were dating. This is how to rekindle those amazing moments you used to share.

1. Schedule a date night

Date_Night_021610_19B-23_F

    You don’t have to go to a five-star restaurant or a movie to have a date night. Date nights can be just as romantic in the comfort of your own bedroom. Turn off the television and shut the devices. Be cute and playful. Text each other during the day, “date night 2nite <3.” Even if you’re tired, make an effort to rekindle your romance.

    2. Talk to each other

    screen-shot-2013-02-10-at-9-01-06-pm

      Gentlemen, there is nothing a woman loves more than a heart to heart conversation. Just talk to her. Ask about her day, her job, and her friends. Be present. Show her that you care. Look at her. Listen to what she says. Believe it or not, a face-to-face conversation can be extremely intimate. Ladies, let him talk too. Let him tell you how terrible his favorite sports team played or how annoying the guy who sits next to him at work was. You’ll be surprised to see how romantic a conversation can be.

      3. Shut out the rest of the world

      prince_william_and_kate_middle

        Focus on each other. If you find your mind wandering to the stack of papers on your desk at work, bring your thoughts back to each other. Keep your attention on the person in front of you. Just like during meditation, it’s a mind exercise that might need a little retraining but it will happen.

        4. Attention girls!

        worst-dressed-girls

          Dress up a little. Get out of your sweatpants. Take your hair out of that ponytail. Put on a little blush and lipstick, just like you did when you were dating.

          5. Say only positive comments

          Woman whispering in man's ear

            It’s easy to get on each other’s nerves but if you want to fall in love again, forget your list of negative complaints. Dump the negativity in the trash. It’s a toxic algae that grows in your mind. Starting from the tiniest thought, it grows until it’s so big it’s the only thing you see when you look at the other person. Remember the person you adored? The person you couldn’t live without for even five minutes? The positive traits are still there. You just have to look a little harder now to see them. Give each other compliments.

            6. Negative traits have a positive side

            contemporary-closet-organizers

              Every trait has two sides to it. When you first fell in love, only the positive side was visible. Once you get comfy, the negative side of the trait shows its unattractive side. Train your brain to see the flip side of that trait. If your partner likes everything in order, he might be annoyed if your closet does not look like the one in the Container Store catalog. When that happens, remind yourself that that is the same trait that makes him succeed at work. His organized ways means he has an organized mind. That’s a good thing. At first, it’s a challenge, but if you continue, you can see the positive side of an annoying trait.

              7.  Give and expect nothing in return

              Adam-Hannah-adam-and-hannah-32915058-1135-667

                Purses, jewelry, and flowers are nice, but those can feel insincere sometimes. If you really want to show her you care, give her something that will make her life easier (not a new Vitamix, although that’s not a bad idea). Do something that will please your partner. Give of yourself.

                8. Peace is more important than being right

                loves-raymond

                  You don’t have to fight every battle. Most battles are not worth fighting over. And you don’t have to prove you are right every time. Your relationship is more important than your ego.

                  9. Re-evaluate your words

                  jim-and-pam

                    Are you saying, “I love you,” so often that it has lost its meaning? Of course, there is nothing wrong with expressing love often. It is important that your loved one feels that your words are sincere. Express genuine love so that it enters your lover’s heart.

                    10. Be compassionate

                    quote-Dalai-Lama-love-and-compassion-are-necessities-not-luxuries-956

                      Stand in your partner’s place. Try to understand what he or she is feeling. Work is stressful. Life is full of conflict. Having a person on your side, without judgment or criticism is a comforting stress reliever.

                      11. Be on the same team

                      s090517_agassi-graf

                        Relationships are not competitions. You are not against each other; you are there for each other, cheering each other on as teammates. Say the words, “I’m on your side.”

                        12. Put your ego aside

                        muscle-specific-hypertrophy-2222

                          Everything isn’t about you. When it becomes about you, there is no room for anyone else. If you want to be loved, you have to be lovable.

                          13. Dance together

                          Dirty_Dancing_187[1]

                            Dancing is romantic. Slow dance in your bedroom or even in the kitchen. Dancing is two people moving in sync. Feel the rhythm you share.

                            14. Laugh together

                            26_05 laughing

                              Lighten up and have some fun. Life is serious. It’s your job to take a break away from the stress. Laughter is the best medicine.

                              Once you schedule the time and put in a little extra effort, you will be able to live, love, and laugh together happily ever after again.

                              More by this author

                              18 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate 12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen 20 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with ADD If You Love Someone Who Has ADHD, Don’t Do These 20 Things 10 Small Habits That Help You Maintain A Long-Lasting Relationship

                              Trending in Communication

                              1 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way 2 How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good 3 15 Simple Things You Can Do to Boost Your Daily Motivation 4 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 5 Feeling Super Stressed? Do This Daily Routine Every Day

                              Read Next

                              Advertising
                              Advertising
                              Advertising

                              Last Updated on September 18, 2020

                              13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                              13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                              For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                              “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

                              “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

                              Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

                              You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

                              Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

                              1. Take a step back and evaluate

                              When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

                              1. What is the problem?
                              2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
                              3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
                              4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
                              5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

                              Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

                              Advertising

                              2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

                              If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

                              At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

                              Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

                              3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

                              Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

                              4. Process your thoughts/emotions

                              Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

                              1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
                              2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
                              3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
                              4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

                              5. Acknowledge your thoughts

                              Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

                              By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

                              Advertising

                              Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

                              6. Give yourself a break

                              If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

                              7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

                              A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

                              Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

                              After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

                              8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

                              As Helen Keller once said,

                              “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

                              Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

                              9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

                              In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

                              1. What’s the situation?
                              2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
                              3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
                              4. Take action on your next steps!

                              After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

                              10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

                              A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

                              Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

                              For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

                              11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

                              No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

                              Advertising

                              12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

                              No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

                              13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

                              There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

                              After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

                              Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                              Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

                              Read Next