Advertising
Advertising

14 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship

14 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship

Love is hard work. It’s fun at first. Nothing else matters but the two of you. Then you live together, and everything changes. What happened to those beautiful moments of looking into each other’s eyes and feeling your spine tingle? Your “happily ever after” isn’t happening.

Your love was once strong. Now there are more bills to pay, crying children, opinionated in-laws, and sleepless nights. As time goes by, you feel that you aren’t important to each other. But that’s not true, it’s just that the stress of life has become your priority, not each other.

Well, I have good news. The connection is still there, but it’s buried under piles of dirty laundry in the corner of the bedroom, dishes in the kitchen sink, and bickering over what the other person just said. Once you clear the clutter from your relationship, you’ll get back to looking at each other with loving eyes again.

If you knew how to be romantic when you were dating, you could do it again. You just have to put in a little extra effort now to fit love into your busy schedules.

If you are willing to fight for the love you once had, treat each other like you did when you were dating. This is how to rekindle those amazing moments you used to share.

1. Schedule a date night

Date_Night_021610_19B-23_F

    You don’t have to go to a five-star restaurant or a movie to have a date night. Date nights can be just as romantic in the comfort of your own bedroom. Turn off the television and shut the devices. Be cute and playful. Text each other during the day, “date night 2nite <3.” Even if you’re tired, make an effort to rekindle your romance.

    2. Talk to each other

    Advertising

    screen-shot-2013-02-10-at-9-01-06-pm

      Gentlemen, there is nothing a woman loves more than a heart to heart conversation. Just talk to her. Ask about her day, her job, and her friends. Be present. Show her that you care. Look at her. Listen to what she says. Believe it or not, a face-to-face conversation can be extremely intimate. Ladies, let him talk too. Let him tell you how terrible his favorite sports team played or how annoying the guy who sits next to him at work was. You’ll be surprised to see how romantic a conversation can be.

      3. Shut out the rest of the world

      prince_william_and_kate_middle

        Focus on each other. If you find your mind wandering to the stack of papers on your desk at work, bring your thoughts back to each other. Keep your attention on the person in front of you. Just like during meditation, it’s a mind exercise that might need a little retraining but it will happen.

        4. Attention girls!

        worst-dressed-girls

          Dress up a little. Get out of your sweatpants. Take your hair out of that ponytail. Put on a little blush and lipstick, just like you did when you were dating.

          5. Say only positive comments

          Woman whispering in man's ear

            It’s easy to get on each other’s nerves but if you want to fall in love again, forget your list of negative complaints. Dump the negativity in the trash. It’s a toxic algae that grows in your mind. Starting from the tiniest thought, it grows until it’s so big it’s the only thing you see when you look at the other person. Remember the person you adored? The person you couldn’t live without for even five minutes? The positive traits are still there. You just have to look a little harder now to see them. Give each other compliments.

            Advertising

            6. Negative traits have a positive side

            contemporary-closet-organizers

              Every trait has two sides to it. When you first fell in love, only the positive side was visible. Once you get comfy, the negative side of the trait shows its unattractive side. Train your brain to see the flip side of that trait. If your partner likes everything in order, he might be annoyed if your closet does not look like the one in the Container Store catalog. When that happens, remind yourself that that is the same trait that makes him succeed at work. His organized ways means he has an organized mind. That’s a good thing. At first, it’s a challenge, but if you continue, you can see the positive side of an annoying trait.

              7.  Give and expect nothing in return

              Adam-Hannah-adam-and-hannah-32915058-1135-667

                Purses, jewelry, and flowers are nice, but those can feel insincere sometimes. If you really want to show her you care, give her something that will make her life easier (not a new Vitamix, although that’s not a bad idea). Do something that will please your partner. Give of yourself.

                8. Peace is more important than being right

                loves-raymond

                  You don’t have to fight every battle. Most battles are not worth fighting over. And you don’t have to prove you are right every time. Your relationship is more important than your ego.

                  9. Re-evaluate your words

                  Advertising

                  jim-and-pam

                    Are you saying, “I love you,” so often that it has lost its meaning? Of course, there is nothing wrong with expressing love often. It is important that your loved one feels that your words are sincere. Express genuine love so that it enters your lover’s heart.

                    10. Be compassionate

                    quote-Dalai-Lama-love-and-compassion-are-necessities-not-luxuries-956

                      Stand in your partner’s place. Try to understand what he or she is feeling. Work is stressful. Life is full of conflict. Having a person on your side, without judgment or criticism is a comforting stress reliever.

                      11. Be on the same team

                      s090517_agassi-graf

                        Relationships are not competitions. You are not against each other; you are there for each other, cheering each other on as teammates. Say the words, “I’m on your side.”

                        12. Put your ego aside

                        muscle-specific-hypertrophy-2222

                          Everything isn’t about you. When it becomes about you, there is no room for anyone else. If you want to be loved, you have to be lovable.

                          Advertising

                          13. Dance together

                          Dirty_Dancing_187[1]

                            Dancing is romantic. Slow dance in your bedroom or even in the kitchen. Dancing is two people moving in sync. Feel the rhythm you share.

                            14. Laugh together

                            26_05 laughing

                              Lighten up and have some fun. Life is serious. It’s your job to take a break away from the stress. Laughter is the best medicine.

                              Once you schedule the time and put in a little extra effort, you will be able to live, love, and laugh together happily ever after again.

                              More by this author

                              18 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate 12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen 20 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with ADD If You Love Someone Who Has ADHD, Don’t Do These 20 Things 10 Small Habits That Help You Maintain A Long-Lasting Relationship

                              Trending in Communication

                              1 How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up 2 How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late 3 7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer 4 If You Think You’re in an Unhappy Marriage, Remember These 5 Things 5 7 Practical Ways to Change Your Thinking and Change Your Life

                              Read Next

                              Advertising
                              Advertising
                              Advertising

                              Last Updated on March 14, 2019

                              7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

                              7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

                              Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

                              For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

                              Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

                              1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

                              A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

                              It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

                              It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

                              How it helps you:

                              If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

                              Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

                              2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

                              Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

                              Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

                              Advertising

                              How it helps you:

                              Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

                              Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

                              If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

                              Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

                              3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

                              Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

                              Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

                              How it helps you:

                              This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

                              For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

                              Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

                              Advertising

                              A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

                              4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

                              To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

                              A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

                              How it helps you:

                              One word: hierarchy.

                              All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

                              In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

                              If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

                              5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

                              Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

                              Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

                              How it helps you:

                              Advertising

                              Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

                              If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

                              This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

                              6. What do you like about working here?

                              This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

                              Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

                              How it helps you:

                              You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

                              Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

                              Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

                              7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

                              What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

                              As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

                              Advertising

                              How it helps you:

                              What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

                              First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

                              Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

                              Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

                              Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

                              Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

                              Making Your Interview Work for You

                              Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

                              Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

                              More Resources About Job Interviews

                              Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

                              Read Next