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10 Ways to Treat Your Nice Partner Better

10 Ways to Treat Your Nice Partner Better

The give and take in relationships can be hard work — it takes effort to create and maintain them, to keep the love going; not because love in itself is fallible, but because, in our modern world, there’s a lot of distractions and constraints placed on us. Chances are that you’ve dated or fallen in love with someone whom you would consider as a genuinely nice person and partner; someone who respects you and makes time for you, and spends time thinking of ways to make you smile or feel better.

Sometimes nice partners do not get the appreciation they deserve, but here are just ten ways that you can start treating your nice partner a little bit better…

1. Slow Down

Your nice partner probably wants to spend time with you — but you’re too busy to do it. The world is getting busier and busier, with the inter-connectivity of being able to — and almost being obliged to — answer any query or demand instantly. It also means that you’re probably too busy answering any email that comes in, or any call or text message for that matter.

Start slowing down and letting things go out a decent, reasonable pace. You get to spend time with your nice partner, rather than rushing around and losing any of that spark that makes you two click, and it becomes more meaningful and important, rather than doing too much and then burning out. The Italians have a phrase, borrowed by Carl Honore, that translates roughly to “doing things at the right speed” — tempo guisto. Slowing down for your loved one might just be the right tempo.

2. Start Making Them Something Meaningful

One of the best ways we show someone we care is by making them something, even if it’s only eggs in the morning, or a little Post-It note with something sweet written on it. Chances are your nice partner has done something like this for you even once, in a big gesture or a little one. Therefore one of the best ways to start treating your nice partner better, is to reciprocate.

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Again, we’re not talking about going over the top with Martha Stewart-esque designs and craft — but even something like a home-cooked meal or their favourite dessert can be more meaningful than anything expensive or ostentatious. The art of making something yourself is absolutely underrated and something that your nice partner will remember and treasure for a long time. Time to bust out the cake ingredients…

3. Stop Disrespecting Their Privacy

Spending time together is key to making any relationship work: you share your hobbies, your pastimes, your downtime, and even find some time to get to know one another’s friends, family, and colleagues outside of the relationship. However, one of the best things you can do to start treating your nice partner better is to give them their privacy.

Maybe you’re not intentionally disrupting their privacy, but let’s face it — even if you’re the most social person on the planet, there are times when you need to unwind and chill out on your own, to gain some breathing space from the rest of the world. Being in a relationship with a nice partner might mean that they sacrifice their privacy so you can spend more time with them. Start allowing them their privacy, and take that time for your own privacy, or to go out and do other things. This way everyone gets a clearer headspace, and everyone benefits from it.

4. If They Cook All the Time, Return the Favor

We’re all guilty of forgetting to treat our nice partners better when it comes to home comforts. We get tired, we get stressed out, and then we get lazy. Our nice partners probably spend more time than necessary making sure we eat well, even preparing home-cooked meals for us after work or when we’re feeling down. While this is certainly a nice and enjoyable part of any relationship, it’s not really fair if they’re the partner always putting in the effort.

One of the simplest and yet most profound and lovely things you can do to a nice partner is give them a nice home-cooked meal. Food does always taste better when a loved one has gone to the effort of cooking a meal for you, and it might be just the thing to treat your partner better.

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You don’t have to be a high-class chef to do it either — there are more recipes available now than ever in the world, so there’s a veritable cornucopia of choice to be had. Do your research, make the evening special with some candles or music that they like, and just sit, eat, and enjoy one another’s company. Bon appetit.

5. Make It About Them

All relationships vary to the flow and ebb of give and take. Sometimes it’s about you, sometimes it’s about your partner; and while we’re certainly not suggesting that you’re selfish in any way, if you have a nice partner, chances are they put your needs ahead of their own, including what to do with date nights.

One of the best ways to indulge and respect your nice partner is to make a date night and give them control for once. Let them decide where you go that evening, whether it’s to the movies, to a bowling alley, to an art gallery, or to a restaurant. It’s nice to feel wanted, and letting them know that you trust them enough to give them complete control for an evening, can be an exhilarating and wonderful way of helping your nice partner realise how much you love and appreciate them.

6. Avoid Snapping At Them

Everyone has a breaking point, whether it’s a bad day at the office or a growing mass of small niggling insults and injuries that snowball into a furious outburst at any available nearby target. Often, your nice partner. Chances are they’re used to you complaining to them about work or traffic or anything of the sort, but when your outbursts turn onto them and you start snapping at them, it’s time to take charge of your own behaviour.

Your nice partner probably has a stronger way of internalising their own anger, or an easier way of expressing it and releasing it, so it’s far from fair to let them bear the brunt of your own temper tantrums. Start looking at how your anger outbursts are affecting your partner. Go to a class or view some materials to see how you might better control and manage them, so that you and your nice partner might have a better relationship, and so that you can treat your partner better.

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7. Support Their Dreams

Okay, so everyone has dreams. Everyone is allowed to have dreams. The problem is that during the course of a relationship, we can sometimes found ourselves bogged down in the little details and the day-to-day running of a relationship to really focus on what is important. Chances are your partner supports your dreams, one way or another, and you feel secure and motivated by that. However, it’s entirely possible that you don’t do the same — maybe because you don’t have the energy or effort, or maybe because deep down you think those dreams might not amount to much.

So, if you want to start treating your nice partner a little better, make sure you support their dreams. That doesn’t mean let them go wild and crazy, such as spending your joint 401k on a motorcycle or on a risky business investment. It means being that guiding force that helps them stay grounded and optimistic about their dreams. They want to open a restaurant? Look into how other people start such businesses while you both still work. Support their dreams and soon you’ll both be reaping the benefits.

8. Stop Letting Them Take All The Responsibilities

Having a nice partner means that a lot of the time, they’re busy running around doing more than their fair share of the little things that help make a life work. Laundry, picking the kids up, cooking… you know how it goes. However, they’re probably running the entire house on their own, because they want to make life easier for you — which, incidentally, is putting more of a strain of their energy.

Therefore, one of the greatest things you can do in order to treat your nice partner better, is to make sure there’s an equal division of efforts. For example, simply making sure that you’re doing the laundry that week, rather than your partner, is a great way of allowing them to relax more and worry less, which makes everyone happier.

9. Start Treating Them Well And Often

A nice partner will treat often and for no reason — flowers just because they felt like it, a massage because you’re tired and aching, a night of nothing but your favourite shows with no arguing or debating. This is the sort of good-natured thing that makes them a nice partner — and it’s something worth repaying back to them in order to appropriately and properly treat your nice partner right and well.

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Buy them little meaningful gifts and gestures that will make them happy, and devote time to spending it with them. Your nice partner probably spends a lot of time thinking about you and how to make things good for you — now is the time to reciprocate those gestures in a unique, meaningful, and wonderful way, whether it’s roses at breakfast or a moonlight tango in your backyard.

10. Tell Them You Love Them More Often

Love, eh? The most powerful force in the universe — at least according to the vast majority of cinema, literature, and for many people, their own human experience. The love goes on between the people in a relationship is often unsaid, but rather felt; a physical presence that transforms people and changes their entire way of perception and being.

Having a nice partner will most likely mean that they tell you they love you a lot — they say with careless abandon and heartfelt sweetness, to bookend the day or as little asides. However, it doesn’t necessarily reciprocate with the other partner — sometimes they assume that the love is presumed. That it doesn’t need saying.

It does. The best way to start treating your nice partner better is by telling them that you love them, a lot more than you do now. It doesn’t mean bombarding them with saccharine odes; it means saying it when you’re bursting to say it, or when you just want them to know how much they actually mean to you. Saying ‘I love you’ to your nice partner will imbue them with happiness, and make you much happier in return. Saying ‘I love you’ to your nice partner, doesn’t cost a thing, and is absolutely priceless.

More by this author

Chris Haigh

Writer, baker, co-host of "Good Evening Podcast" and "North By Nerdwest".

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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